for anyone not following he kicked the ball at his balls so he went down holding his balls and then he threw the ball at him as he was down so he got up and threw the ball at his balls in retribution we believe for original ball hit

calafiori has invented the new position of rush left back

matty cash has put a bit of polish on that

continuing to boycott strictly as a protest against their liberal globalist disrespect for traditional british morris dancing

[showing you round my house] and this is where the magic happens *opens door to reveal my basement warhammer 40k gaming table*

They've decided on the next James Bond

they defeated even the monty python sketch because the people's front of judea had three members and a leader

reading the cooking instructions for this instant porridge and it's like measure out a precise amount of oats, measure out water precisely, turn on the hob, stir occasionally, I mean jesus christ shall I just grow the porridge myself come on

Breadmix and Tastybix

no AI image generator could ever come as close to capturing my soul as this photo of the smashing pumpkins lead singer billy corgan on a rollercoaster

you can get away with cancelling jimmy kimmel because maga's mums make them go to bed at 9

sorry to have to inform you that your boyfriend died from mould poisoning originating from an old unwashed social distancing sign from 2021

trump is in the UK and we're going to be so mean to him he won't know what's hit him, we'll tell him there's no earl gray tea left even though there is, we're going to tell him argos shuts at 6 when it's actually 8 and we're going to disregard his fried egg preferences at breakfast

good news we've updated your phone so it does random AI shite when you do arbitrary small swipes

going to do a joke here we go which actress is most like a seagull? Lauren [do a seagull noise] BaCALL

tired of being told I have to come online and condemn violence I've got washing to do, my wife wants the rubber seal on the fridge replaced and next and complaining about our tree can I not just go online and talk about die hard for two minutes

love that billy joel song we didn't start the fire where he lists out all the people he's had sex with

Not now Kato I am selling ze glasses

get adverts to buy a smartwatch apparently you can track how far you run, I reckon I'm alright thanks

watching the x-files episode "home" which is one of the maddest things broadcast on American TV, I think they don't even broadcast it anymore but it's still on streaming

three million died of drugs last year globally but the president isn't clear whether he's including interplanetary numbers

got an email from my daughter's school saying it's national dot day and she should wear something with dots on at 7.15an and school is at 9am

on today's ESPN sportscentre we're looking at the big second amendment matchup between School Shooting Deaths and Somehow Overthrowing A Government That Has Nuclear Bombs, the score at the moment is 855 - 0, Tom Brady - how do you see this going

had a wisdom tooth out but I've still got my knowledge ear, my morality toe and my wanking arm

*watching proust stare at a madeline* you going to eat that or what

at a giant indoor kids play centre for a birthday party, having a great time, terrific, loving it

cracking hit by zebedeemendi

wallop

chatting with friends in London who are looking for a flat they could buy and it's awful

social media makes life so difficult ,i have to transition very quickly from witing bad opinions about ransnational political issues then into the kitchen hoping my chicken has defrosted

sad to hear about Charlie Kirk renowned starship captain of the USS Great Replacement

reading about how Mussolini's politics were profoundly influenced by Garibaldi who I think was a biscuit

you're asking me to make a choice and the choice is to either punish Israel for what they're doing in Gaza or cancel Eurovision? I might need a day or two to mull

Q: My condolences on the loss of your friend Charlie Kirk. How are you holding up? TRUMP: I think very good. And by the way, right there you see all the trucks. They just started construction of the new ballroom for the White House, which is something they've been trying to get for about 150 years.

remember when people were deeply concerned about Joe Biden being mentally unfit

Tom Hanks stared at the new red Dan Brown book. He sipped from a glass of 18 year aged Bushmills Irish whiskey established in 1608 and sank into his 8 seat Lovesac modular sofa. The book seemed to speak to him even though as a renowned actor he knew that books cannot speak. What was it saying.

wish you could do this to the pigeons that live outside my window

to combat the era of slow possession based build up there should be a 30 second shot clock like basketball

using google docs at work and it's asking me if I need help writing branded content that appeals to my audience and I mean, no? I am writing about why c++ sucks ass can you do that

Idea: The Purge, but for civil offences. One night a year where you can breach a contract, drive through Low Traffic Areas, build a roof garden without planning permission etc.

happy sept 11th

typed and subsequently deleted a number of morally disgraceful posts about Charlie Kirk

I hope this ishmael finds you whale

barista: what can I get you banksy: a venti iced caramel macchiato with almond milk and an extra shot barista: is that it banksy: I don't want it no more I'm a scamp I'm a trickster I'm satirising your capitalism barista: ok fine whatever banksy: I got you good you got banksied barista: i sure did

In the criminal justice system the people are represented by three separate yet equally important groups: the police who investigate crime; the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders; the president, a paedo who can send in the army and possibly bombers I don't know. These are their stories"

John Finnemore version www.reddit.com/r/CasualUK/c...

don't know if there are any authors out there who discuss the social issues of 19th century russia "dostoevsky?" I don't know if he does mate that's what I'm saying

American news is brilliant, they're seamlessly transitioned from "release the Epstein files!" to "We're going to need you to release further files until you hit someone else"

I may be bad at posting but at least I can say without fear or doubt that I have never ever had any contact whatsoever with Jeffrey Epstein except those few times