wales don't really have any depth do they, first 11 is premier league / championship then the subs start coming on and it's phil chip shop and megan from the library

need the american govt to collapse so i can post it

"Add one small onion (finely chopped), then half an onion, then a quarter of an onion, then an eighth of an onion..."–Recipe for Mandelbroth

what did the catholic lady say to her husband when she didn't want to get pregnant

there was a young scouse played guitar who was a great songwriting star but sometimes he'd sit and come up with shit oh well ob-la-di ob-la-da

there was a young man from cork who got limericks and haikus confused

Surely I’m not the only one who thinks this whenever they see a map of The Strait Of Hormuz on the news?

it is vitally important that european space agencies come together as one and put a windmill on it first

medical science is pretty incredible for cancer chemotherapy but they've just given me steroids that make my dick hurt

First, the good news. The bathwater has been disposed of.

you will never convince me this isn't Ben Whishaw's dad

saw you on telly with more makeup on than undertakers put on burns victims, what does it mean you have to escalate to deescalate? do i fuck paddington harder so he can find his lost marmalade sandwich? do i hold everyone in the sex shop hostage and then politely ask for the hellraiser pinhead dildos

Showing off my new shoe skills

lmao the eurovision mascot is so ugly I literally screamed at this reveal

since having radiotherapy and chemotherapy for a brain tumor I have lost 35lb making it statistically similar to GLP-1

xenomorphs in alien movies don't have eyes but all funko pop ones have eyes painted on

can i just have a moment of enjoyment for the frogmouth in all its forms, for every photo of a frogmouth is A Mood. exhibit 1: Sumatran frogmouth

can't believe they announce they're closing the Metaverse today, the day I've finally earned enough credits to buy legs

don’t type it don’t type it don’t type it if you are sexually attracted to patrick stewart are you moist by your own picard

saw the dune 3 trailer, it's sandy again

I have a LinkedIn joke. People love it. They say it’s the funniest joke they’ve ever heard. So, I must be a funny guy, right? Here’s the thing. I’m not funny. I just know one essential thing about connecting with people. Something most people forget. And it’s this: (read more)

if you're a journalist who needs new strait hormuz headlines may i offer you: - Freight Late as Strait Waits for Trump to Dump Hormuz Performance - The Hormuz Heresy - Iran Still Wedging Its Exit - Schwarzenegger wants "Oil Be Back"

i like inverted wingbacks and registas and mezzalas but you know what else i like, when they wallop it at the goal

which arsenal player has got the best stock market index? max dowman

iran are doing better propaganda than us www.youtube.com/watch?v=wo7e...

mamdani did nothing for st davids day, just throwing that out there while you're slobbering

*british accent* happy st patricks day sorry about everything and all

oh you want help with your shit war now NASA have figured out the straight of Hormuz is actually bendy, yeah no problem we'll send charlie xcx to do some beeps and the little blue cunt from peppa pig to shout "dinosaur" at them until they cry so you can announce you've defeated bhutan

can you help me win war please

I have an idea but it's going to require a crack commando unit who were sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit, then promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground, although I appreciate that's still quite far away.

for a second I thought he was holding aloft his German Lightsaber

Jesus when he comes back to Earth:

hate the phrase "who are you wearing", this should only be said at maniac killer conferences

The formatting of this Beckett quote does still represent resilience and determination, just of a very different sort.

they've enshitified my headphones

great day for arsenal, 3 points, man city are drawing and erling haaland got punched in the balls

you can't give the Oscar to Hamnet, it's Hamlet surely, "ooh give me an Oscar I'm Shakespeary", no you're not pal you're spelled wrong, maybe you can have an Oncar

hincapie is really good but arsenal are so much more fun when calafiori or lewis-skelly are playing rush left back and turning up everywhere

doctors told me I've got bronchitis and I was delighted but it turns out it's not a dinosaur

a gastroenterologist explained it on a diagram of the hormuz straight and it makes sense now why i'm having difficulties down there

if i could draw i would do gyokeres as an inanimate carbon rod

britain has the highest electricity prices in the world making manufacturing unaffordable, a housing crisis some 40yrs in the making and if it was an american state it's about at the level of missisippi and some twat is telling me you can't replace churchill on the fiver with a fish or something

leave it out, he's not worth it mate, yes the oxford comma does add clarity to complex lists but it is ugly as fuck

£5 = Pint £10 = Glass of Wine £20 = Cheeky Nandos £50 = Might have overordered an Indian

the real question here is are Teletubbies animals

"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't."

“What do you want from the Indian takeaway?” “I’ll have the tarka dal” “Is that like the normal dal?” “Well, it’s a little ‘otter”

absolute sexy boy touch from griezeman, he's bergkamped it

arsenal fans linking up with middle class residents of buckinghamshire to enjoy a nice mock tudor