great news my 9yr old daughter is playing the trumpet for the first time

TV Show Idea: BARK IS WORSE THAN BITE David Bite, a mute vampire, tries to live his life morally but his friend Phil Bark, who is a tree and talks too much, keeps dragging him down

PHOTO OF THE DAY. A policeman stops traffic to let a man carrying an inflatable rubber giraffe cross the road on his way to the British Industries Fair in London (1935) 📷 google images

love all the regions of new york with funny names like "noho" which means north of houston street and "tenderloin" which means 23rd to 42nd street and "new jersey" which means fuck you

Donald Trump is the funniest president of all time and i think you have to acknowledge it

the coolest barbary pirate en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ali_Bit...

I still love pointing this out every so often.

you're all very mean he also did good things possibly

the only vital news of the day

the Coldplay song Yellow is about cooking with turmeric

for halloween we are watching the most terrifying film ever made which is genuinely Return To Oz

*taking picture for your youtube thumbnail* ok so let's gurn, gurn harder, let's turn that gurn up, good gurning love it but let's push the gurn, can we mr beast gurn, gurn it baby

fuck off I'm doing my yoga

Sadako crawling out of your tv, turning motion smoothing off, then crawling back in

got one of those battery powered stick vacuums now and before hoovering a room i cock it like a shotgun

we don't say "gonads" for balls anyone I swear that was more popular in my day

it just gets better www.theguardian.com/world/2025/o...

actually Frankenstein isn't the name of the monster it's the name of the scientist, the real monster is me, the person posting this

well, it's not the black one

little did president trump know that his friend ford prefect did not in fact work in advertising and that very soon the demolishing of his house would in retrospect be a small problem

rarely get very patriotic but I keep seeing youtube videos about how tom cruise driving a motorbike off a cliff in mission impossible was the greatest stunt of all time and listen, james bond did this in goldeneye

It's the castle next to Balmoral. Immoral.

The Conjuring 58: Is It Still Behind You Only $16 To Find Out

so, like, italian

watched the new Superman movie, it's alright, I respect how they told the story one time like if it was rashomon but just once

imagine how embarrassing it must be to concede an open play goals against arsenal

shaking my fist at martinelli

Memory, Agent Starling, is what I have instead of a view.

2024: logs, logs for sale, get your logs 2025: AI enabled logs for sale, get the log you can talk to about anything, carry your AI log and stroke it

ok but that's not how bread works

October, USA: Ooh time for candy apples and spoopy films and sexy costumes and carving funny pumpkins 🎃 October, Ireland: It is IMPERATIVE that you eat the LAST of the BLACKBERRIES before the PÚCA takes a SHITE on them

going to @bcdreyer.social's Halloween party dressed as the missing apostrophe

due to the AWS outage puppies are now forced to rub you with their Ps

BBC Sounds is starting a repeat today of Welcome to Our Village, Please Invade Carefully, one of my absolute favourite radio sitcoms (written by @eddierobson.bsky.social btw) You should listen to it, it is *funny*. www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/...

this one is for the boys with the booming systems top down AC with the cooling system when he come up in the club he be blazing up got stacks on deck like he saving up and he ill he real he might got a deal he pop bottles and he got the right kind of build he cold he dope he might sell coke he

pornhub is down and you can't even see the advert for how to get it up

it's been a difficult week for me and i'd just like to thank the french, their security advisers and their robbers for making it bearable, merci beaucoup

president macron giving a press conference "The robbery at the Louvre is an attack on the french people, an attack on history, but most of all an NOT NOW CATO"

not saying it's anything to do with me but I was in North Virginia yesterday

reading about how for the london sumo tournament they had to reinforce the toilets, as a dad i am fascinated by how they did this

congratulations to this tiny sumo wrestler and his dad

wheeling out Sherlock Holmes who has already solved The Case Of The Louvre Heist but he's just going to look at them across the channel with his smug face and say nothing

standing on the white cliffs of dover chanting They Robbed You With A Ladder, Like Some Shit From Blackadder, You Tried To Stop The Looters, They Got Away On Scooters

international journalists asking the french police why they are having a two hour lunch while the thieves are out there and the police explaining the thieves are likely also french so will also be having a two hour lunch

Robert Langdon walking round the Louvre right now examining symbols for clues and he's like "these ancient graphics represent the duality of sexuality" and they're like that's the toilets rob

driving through Virginia and it's very nice, very pretty, lots of trees and plants, extremely colonisable

when you're stressed online and it's all too much you turn to the king and upon your soul he lays balm www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...

chat gpt and grok arguing with each other about if you can put ginger in a bolognese and I'm in the corner stressing I don't want to be involved man I don't care about ginger leave me out

trying to use AI to do a joke about AI by getting the Simpsons "now is the time to invest heavily in pumpkins" joke gif but it can't do it

TV Pitch: "Live and Let Live" Immortal landlord Phil Live has a house called Live he's trying to rent but can't because of a neighbour he hates called Jeff Live who is dying and Phil is thinking of killing him.