netflix, when a series is good and popular:

worried that i've gaslit my neighbours by telling them my large white cat has died and then adopting an identical large white cat

worried that i've gaslit my neighbours by telling them my large white cat has died and then adopting an identical large white cat

Happy 8th anniversary to the tweet that changed us forever. Look at this absolute unit.

seen marketing that the new series of a show i love will be its final one, and i didn't know 😭 i'm not ready to say goodbye to my fucked-up little blorbos yet!! i can't do it!!!

it almost happened a second time: completely forgot that i'd left an empty yoghurt pot in the oven so that the cat doesn't shred the bin trying to reach it and i switched the oven on but THIS TIME i remembered

listening to estelle's american boy and shaking my head during kanye's verses so everyone knows i do not agree with him

told myself i need to start reading more nonfiction because i'm a fiction junkie, now i'm reading books on poisonous plants, anonymous sex confessions from women, and essays on control and freedom told through the author's relationship to hair, i really miss a silly little story but i can't stop :((

do these lampshades look a bit Ofikea to anyone else

getting truly bodied by google

every time i go do my laundry at the launderette, i get myself a little bakery treat from the café nearby, and this time was no different

oat milk companies make a secure screw cap that doesn't piss oat milk everywhere when you shake the carton challenge

[youth pastor voice] you wanna know who else disappeared from a cave many years ago today

and jesus said to his disciples, "lads, i'm here for a good friday, not a long friday"

spent a birthday in hospital on the children's ward soon after my first back operation, lovely staff surprised all inpatients with loads of easter eggs - shoutout to ROH birmingham! - sadly major surgery + medication messes with your taste buds so i gave all my easter eggs to visiting families

maybe it's because my birthday is in the bank holiday weekend this year but you know what? an easter birthday is not too bad actually :)

i went to big ass lake and everyone knew you!

[in yoga class] me (thinking): this feels strange, never done this in yoga before instructor: this move might not feel like yoga, this is actually a tai chi move me (thinking): i knew it! great, i'm going to get a good grade in yoga, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve,

submitted an emoji proposal!! 🥳

[quickly scrolls the timeline] wow they've really done it, they've sent the world's oldest tortoise into space

my reaction to corporate april fools this year

ahh i'll take another screenshot because i might not have already taken a screenshot because i can't remember if i just took a screenshot so just in case i better take another screenshot

calling the cat Beebee aka BB for Big Boy, feels lovely to say, Beebee's live reaction to his new name

wish the new name for the cat came to me as easily as the name for the cat's new laser toy (matilda)

it's called BST because it's Bullshit Time

the service is called evri because they email you every damn minute - "we're expecting your parcel", "we have your parcel", "your parcel is on its way" - please shut the fuck up and just deliver it!!

making a decadent carrot cake for a friend and, as i sat down after popping the cake mix in the oven, i happened to catch sight of a plate of GUESS WHAT KEY INGREDIENT :))))))

numbering emoji skin tones from light to dark is yet another form of racial hierarchy that is hidden in plain sight, in this essay i will

and the security guard, who did NOT work for chappell roan...

the "chappell roan" that the girl walked past? that was a decoy! the security guard was actually chappell roan in disguise!!!

people have been sharing the 16 numbers on their debit card and the three numbers on the back and these 15 are definitely worth stealing

Surely I’m not the only one who thinks this whenever they see a map of The Strait Of Hormuz on the news?

fucked up and made my little guy psychotic in four days 😬

if you're really cute, you should not have to pay for mini eggs

wikipedia: this person was born in birmingham, michigan me (a brit and an idiot): ha! WRONG! birmingham is in the west midlands, actually,,,

sorry i didn't reply to your email but in my defence, from the day we arrive on the planet and, blinking, step into the sun, there's more to see than can ever be seen, more to do than can ever be done

had the most amazing nap after talking to my therapist about death for an hour, the wonders of the mind never cease!

gonna take two antihistamines, what are they gonna do? call the cops on me? [sirens wail in distance] oh shit

crying giggling while playing 100 jumps, the amount of 0 of 100 jumps i've done, i am so bad at this, i can do this, i can do minimum one jump, come on

very grateful when i'm wearing headphones in a café and someone approaches me slowly and quietly as they would a wounded deer because my reflex reaction when startled is to Prepare To Fight

once again the only TV shows that should get nominated for awards are the TV shows that i personally watched and enjoyed, and the ones i didn't watch or didn't enjoy, well the less said about them the better

screaming, crying, and even throwing up

new son alert, this is prince (new name pending), he is four years old, he is FIV+ and he is a sweetheart

a fun fact about me is that i watched series 2 hacks thinking it was series 1 and i didn't realise until i hit the end, so to all writers, i say confidently: your narrative arcs mean nothing to me

they should do a reboot of pesky blinders changing absolutely nothing except they wear top hats

bubble tea! love having loads of squashy balls in your mouth? bubble tea! love poking, prodding and squishing balls with your tongue? try a bubble tea!

the sun is out and i have realised that i forgot i'm not meant to suffer, my mistake xo

It's the Spring Equinox - the first astronomical day of spring! ☀️ Longer days. Lighter evenings. Sunshine warm on your skin, birds singing, blossom in the branches.

yes i know UTM codes are good for tracking where and how people interact with your content but do i personally have to see it? omg would you like to share this link with a large side of bullshit you didn't ask for?

overheard on the train (loud AF, impossible not to) a man on a call telling a colleague about a time he went to the pub with another colleague and, several pints in, he realise he'd forgotten about a dental appointment and his kids' parent-teacher evening so stumbled his way there