*coughs*

Good evening to Britain's Calli Hauger-Thackery who ran 2:43:58 for the Boston Marathon whilst 22 weeks pregnant 🤯

Jenrick speaks on Mandelson's vetting to bring up small boats and

The Man Who Knew Too Little: my SKETCH of Keir Starmer trying to pin the Mandelson blame on Olly Robbins. thecritic.co.uk/the-...

Target rich environment for the sketchwriters today

As a reminder - No, you can’t accuse another MP of lying in the Commons - Yes, it is broadly sensible that MPs can’t just stand up and accuse each other of lying - Yes, there is a substantive process that can be used if an MP is felt to have misled the House - Yes MPs know what the rules are

Keir Starmer has been taking questions for so long that the Strait of Hormuz has closed and re-opened three times during his stint at the despatch box.

"Would you like to appear in our party political broadcast."

Zarah Sultana slung out.

did he mention a possible replacement?

🎵 Oh Mandy You came and got cleared without screening And I need to know how! Oh Mandy You tricked me and stopped me from gleaning All the things I see now! Oh Mandy 🎶

🎶The only boy who could ever reach me Was the son of Ralph Miliband

A warm welcome to our new PM [*spins tombola*] Jeevun Sandher.

the Green Party are ruining clubbing pass it on www.theguardian.com/politics/202...

The train smells of fish. Someone opened a window. Someone else came over and closed the window. This began my Joker origin story.

I, for one, fully trust in the vision and leadership of our new PM... <reaches into tombola drum>... OH FUCKING HELL, IT'S RICHARD BURGON!!!

get the tombola out he's done

The milifandom children coming out of retirement for one last job, like Danny Ocean's crew if they all worked for think tanks.

Hearing the voices of lots of longstanding Conservative MPs is giving me modern British politics PTSD.

Cannot believe I am saying this, but IDS managing to accurately get to the real, underlying point. We all knew this about Mandelson. We knew he had links to Epstein, to Russia, we knew he'd resigned twice, we knew he was paid by foreign governments, the procedure almost doesn't matter.

11 BLOODY YEARS I'VE WAITED FOR THIS

the Militime has come

Reform UK's Lee Anderson thrown out of the Commons chamber after refusing to withdraw an accusation that the Prime Minister has lied

God Lammy looks like he's given up, and Reeves looks utterly miserable.

Reminded of Miliband's best line

Sir Keir on his way to join Rishi, Liz, Boris et al.

All I'm saying is, Parliament would be much more watchable if the Speaker of the House was an AI hologram of Foghorn Leghorn. "I said, I said, let the Right Honourable boy finish this here statement to the House!" Makes you think.

PM confirms that vetting of Mandelson didn't begin until three days AFTER his appointment as Washington ambassador was announced. Starmer says this was normal at the time but he changed the procedure after sacking Mandelson so that appointments can't take place until after vetting is completed.

Warming up the chart just in case

#LondonMarathon Top Tips 🧵 1/ You've probably put on a few pounds during training what with all the pasta and potatoes and whatnot so try fasting in the days leading up to the race because the lighter you are the quicker you'll be.

I think, apart from anything else, that they’ve failed to consider how you wear a pocket square

"and lo did Jesus say unto his disciples "why do I have to be Mr Pink" and they did mock him for fancying boys"

Far be it for me to drag the nation's PE teacher but f me what a tool #LondonMarathon www.youtube.com/shorts/1V07n...

After 20 months, Starmer is now on his third Cabinet Secretary, his third FCDO Perm Sec, his third/fourth No. 10 chief(s) of staff and his fifth No. 10 Director of Comms

It’s happened #pusb

3.6% in 2015, ahead of the Green Party!

Far be it for me to drag the nation's PE teacher but f me what a tool #LondonMarathon www.youtube.com/shorts/1V07n...

He's committed to this bit for 40 years now en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain...

Never been seen in the same room as Jeff Bezos. Makes you think 🤔

I just wanted to make you all aware of Captain Beany who is standing as a Senedd candidate in Port Talbot (more info in alt text).

remarkable story here about the time Gazza came to the recue of David Olusoga in a racial attack when they were kids www.instagram.com/reel/DXOpc5P...

It's just occurred to me that Arsenal fan Sir Keir Starmer is employing the Wenger defence for when Vieira had sent someone to A&E.

I'd advise avoiding Bluesky between 19:00-19:30 this evening as Gail Porter's presenting #TOTP and I think it might be too much for the dads.

off-grid life in Pembrokeshire is looking sweeter by the day

That said, I’m not in favour of having politically appointed Ambassadors. As we see, they often turn out to be more trouble than they’re worth. Also, maintaining a professional diplomatic service is an important national interest in my view. End/

My sympathies on this are with Starmer, for a change. This was a political appointment for which he was ultimately responsible. He really should have had all the information made available to him. But Robbins wanted to retain as many of his prerogatives as possible over diplomatic appointments. 2/