Gang. GANG. Christmas question: What was the absolutely shiteyest role you ever played in a school nativity? I was a mouse once. A fucking grey mouse. One of many. Real vermin problem in the Jesus barn. My costume was a grey v-neck school jumper, a pair of my mum's work tights and a tail and ears.

Truly, nature is healing.

Something tells us that we're going to be correcting a lot of people today... maryrose.org/discover/his...

Boy. This seemingly inexorable descent into a tyrannical authoritarian nightmare immediately preceding an inevitably chaotic dystopian infra-internecine conflagration is surprisingly dull to watch in real time, right? Come on, America! Where's that old-time razzmatazz?x

I do wish Turbo Island would do this L.S. Lowry painting, 'the Berghain' as a print. #TotP

What a shite time to have a valid ESTA.

We're going to watch Home Alone, wherein a rich kid straight up plans and wholehearted attempts some extrajudicial killings - at Christmas.

Tough on Paddington; tough on the causes of Paddington.

Last-minute gig idea! A knock-off VHS that looks a bit like a classic Disney cartoon:

Going for the Christmas big shop, gang.

Please. Do not discourage the Roast Dinner for Breakfast guy from completing his brave quest to financially ruin himself in court.

I'm a wee bit obsessed with American mega church Christmas mass videos at the moment, gang. The whole thing seems to be built on the misconception that Jesus would've totes loved seeing Coldplay live.

Just using some downtime to update my shiteposting staples. It's important to stay relevant.

Christmas eve eve eve! MORNING DRINKING TIME!

300 pounds to go, dig deep, people www.justgiving.com/page/lina-s-...

Ever wonder what the single most important moment in all of all history ever was? Well, wonder no more!

Forget whether Die Hard is or isn't a Christmas film (of course it is). When Hans tells fellow German, Karl to "schieß dem fenster", he doesn't understand so he has to repeat the instruction in English. What's that all about? Also, I'd have said "schieß das fenster" because it's Akkusativ?

Can you name all 9 of Santa's reindeer without Googling? I can! • Dasher • Flasher • Xerxes I • Ian • Myra • Lord Scotland • Sporty • Ginger • Horny • General Zod • Randolf Easy!

My fine lady wife (a comely lass of virtue true) has popped into the post office, gang.

As someone who is also just some guy, I, for one, would simply not fight an actual boxer.

I know this isn't the point, but I can't get over how fucking shitey every location in Epstein-related pictures looks. I'm not a former President or a current President or Woody Allen but if I was going out for a meal and the restaurant was any of those locations, I'd just get a kebab and walk home.

The entire internet right now be all like:

Humans think they're so great and clever but we'll never ever be as comfy as a cat that's just basically fallen over and passed out. #Caturday

Is this the one from off of Titanic? #TotP

Angels was the first dance song at our wedding. Oh, hang on, no. It was Dolce Vita by Ryan Paris we had as the first dance at our wedding. I always get those mixed up. There was no Robbie Williams whatsoever. #TotP

Well, kids. Now you know why your parents were all rattling with eccies throughout the 90s. Yes, it was fun, but it was also absolutely necessary. It was a bad time. A bad, bad time. Can we have a 70s episode now, please? Legs and Co. dancing to Van McCoy or something? #TotP

I really wish I could find a clip of Harry Hill doing this Cher song by gargling water. #TotP

I like Bryan Adams even if only because while he exists I can never be the worst Bryan. Thanks, Bryan. Branks. #TotP

Why didn't the Manic Street Preachers get a gang of loveable orphaned urchins? Is it because of woke? #TotP

I love that Christmas trees have evolved a symbiotic mechanism whereby humans have to give them water or they BBQ their families. Nature is truly a wonder.x

It’s the feelgood Christmas story we all needed

There was a time when we were told people would worry about having porn sites on their credit card bill because of the potential embarrassment. Well. That but now and Facebook groups about beflagging lampposts.

Finished work for 2025, gang!

Bought this book for my two mates’ babies for Christmas and I’m dying.

“I’d like to add you to my professional network on LinkedIn.”

Berry Bars

REMINDER

I put on a random episode of Star Trek TNG but it's a Troi episode.

Bruv's just out here letting his professional network know he's working heroically hard to determine which thought theft machine gives him the least droopy semi.

Honestly, sending out a massive pile of Christmas cards in 2025 feels like an act of the purest passive aggression.

Once again, I am publicly reminding the Celtic board that I got Elgin City into the Champions League on Championship Manager 01/02.

At this point the judge just be all like: Aw! How can I stay mad at you?!

🎶A ray of hope flickers in the sky A tiny star lights up way up high All across the land, dawns a brand new morn This comes to pass when a child is born🎶

I see Parliament is well into its glorious "yer da" era.

...continuing my occasional series where I supply the content we crave but that Cold War Steve sadly no longer provides.