Oh boy.

Listening to Fleetwood Mac, gang. Tango in the Night is the best album. Don't @ me.

Snowboard Big Air commentator: AND THAT'S A MASSIVE 2,880 BACKSIDE NOLLIE RODEO FLIP WITH A DOUBLE TAIL GRAB TO FRONTSIDE SWITCH FAKIE QUADRUPLE BACKFLIP CRIPPLER! Me [draped across the couch in my pyjamas]: Pffft. He fucking fucked that.

Here marks the spot where Bertie the cat realised he'd made a terrible mistake:

"Core British values", you say?

I take it back. It turns out he can make me laugh.

I think we all needed that Muppet Show special, didn't we?

I see we're at the stage in capitalism where an evil cunt is so rich he can just buy the Washington Post and then fuck it to absolute bits so it can't report on rich cunts doing evil stuff any more.

"We'll probably never know", say scientists.

I've just seen a pic of J-Corbz and, seeing as his varifocals make it look like his glasses are half-full of water, I think he should lean into it and actually wear lenses half-full of water and, what's more, he should have wee tiny fish living in them. That'd shake the political establishment up!

I've just seen yet another my shite Photoshops out in the wild, gang. I'm so proud! This must be what it feels like to have a child play the Virgin Mary in the school nativity.

I mean, I'm no expert on the richest, most powerful men in the western world frequenting a nonce-iverse run by a historically evil madlad apparently intent on dismantling civilisation itself, but I think that maybe perhaps the whole Epstein thing should possibly be a much bigger deal than it is.

Thought I'd see how things are going in the UK and apparently the far right wants to make the lives of poor and undernourished children worse so they can use what little help they get to fund drink for rich boomers to enjoy before they drive a car and this isn't universally viewed as fucking mental.

We just watched Best in Show because Catherine O'Hara and her walking with a twisted knee at the end is incredible stuff.

Finished. That was hecking wonderful.

Martin and Gary Kemp as The Krays, 1990.

You can't poke a big purple rubber cock in a SkySports lad's ear on live telly these deadline days because of woke. We used to be a country.

Just bought a Nintendo Virtual Boy because I'm apparently mental, gang.

Making frozen margaritas and thinking of you all at this difficult time.x

If you're not watching the live stream of Punxsutawney Phil's scientific as heck Groundhog Day weather forecast, what are you even doing with your life?!

I'm not working tomorrow, gang.

We're halfway through Wonder Man. It's really very good, innit.

British Bluesky this morning be all like:

7am on a Sunday? Rude.

🚨TIMELINE CLEANSER🚨 German football referee, Pascal Kaiser proposing to his boyfriend at FC Köln.

I really wish Hall & Oates would make up and do one final tour.

PURE HUNNERS OF SWEDS, MAN!

Just saw yer da's work van.

Another nail in the coffin of Sadiq’s woke hellscape. Beavers have created no-go areas (“dams”) in Ealing where they are “happily going about their business” (eating sticks that could be used for defending the kiddies).

Getting my hair cut today so I look like a real person again, gang.

"Of course, being mentioned in the Epstein Files isn't necessarily a sign of wrongdoing..."

Wait. So there are absolutely no trans people in the Epstein Files at all?

Obligatory @vizcomic.bsky.social cartoon... #TotP

People these days forget that Peter Frampton was the voice of Charlie Brown's teacher in Peanuts. #TotP

TFW you're about to drop off to sleep but suddenly wonder if Viscount biscuits were just rebranded Yo-yos and have to lie awake thinking about it for four hours.

Has Tim Peake been to space? Wow. I can't believe he's never mentioned it before.

Gang. How many baked potatoes did your man from East 17 eat before driving over his own head? I'm trying to tell my fine lady wife (a comely lass of virtue true) the story and I don't want to get the deets wrong. #TotP

When's Peter Jackson going to do a landmark documentary about the Venga Boys for Disney though? #TotP

Cher and Cher alike. #TotP

What the very fuck tho. Fucksake. Rest in peace, Queen.

This cunt can't decide if he wants to cosplay as Shitler or a WWII spiv and sell stockings and black market Bovril to the ladies while their men are off storming Normandy.

Oh, go on then! I don't want to make you lot all sad and stuff on a Friday...

The coolest Congresswoman there’s ever been.

It's snowing today so I'm legally obliged to fuck work off and just watch dogs frolicking in the park opposite my office window.

5 jobs I've had: Shortbread packer (not a euphemism) Broth watcher (not a euphemism) Checkout boy (not a euphemism) Pallet stacker (not a euphemism) Bumfun cockmaster

I wonder if the Foo Fighters are gonna play at his memorial