I'm bored of the Labour nonsense now. Can you lot over there just embrace anarchy in lieu of government and live out a Purge-style scenario until there's only one of you left alive and that person gets to be Prime Minister by default please?

My fine lady wife (a comely lass of virtue true) has just put Love and Understanding on for no apparent reason and I'm worried, frankly.

Before Burnham does anything, I think the public deserves to know whether he was born with it or if it's Maybelline.

This is shaping up to be a bloot of the evergreen variety.

I feel bad for being dismissive of King Charles so here's a video of him breakdancing to remind you that he truly is King because his wee old mum was Queen that one time.

Fuck it. CHIPPY TEA! To celebrate, here's a picture of Lady Saint Diana of Spencer of Wales of Princess of Hearts B.Sc. and some other cunt collecting their chippy tea from the chipper back in time.

I was on the train one day going through Wester Hailes looking (I thought) rather sharp. As we were leaving the station a group of kids saw me through the window and started running alongside the train, banging on the side and shouting "SUIT FANNY! SUIT FANNY! SUIT FANNY!" Which was... Fair.

I could be a political reporter. I could shout things at people leaving Downing Street with no expectation whatsoever of a response.

6 and a half months it took me.

🌹 Labour Leadership Voting Intentions: Starmer Vs Zardoz: Zardoz: 61% Starmer: 28% Starmer Vs Hantavirus: Hantavirus: 46% Starmer: 39% Starmer Vs Mrs Brown's Boys: Mrs Brown's Boys: 45% Starmer: 41% Starmer Vs Streeting: Starmer: 87% Streeting: 0.2% (Source: Politics Boffins®)

David Fincher's The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas

Who's a British worstcunt who's got a teaspoon face on a tablespoon head but isn't the Wetherspoons guy?

It sure as fuck isn't "Who should be the next UK Prime Minister, but what is a question to which the answer could legitimately be "Wes Streeting"?

Studio Ghibli's Midnight Express

"In the 70s German kids TV drama, 'Timm Thaler', dubbed and later shown in the UK as 'Tim Tyler', the titular Tim trades his laugh for the ability to win any bet, then regrets it and has to battle to get his laugh back, when he could have just bet someone a fiver that he had his laugh back and won."

"SWORD OF OMENS! GIVE ONE SIGHT BEYOND SIGHT! GIVE ONE POWER BEYOND POWER! OH, AND GIVE ONE A FULL-TERM PRIME MINISTER!"

Same energy.

We cloned a sheep in 1996; surely to fuck science can knock us up a third Miliband sibling in 2026?!

Do you know what might make me turn to Christianity? A random, disheveled man shouting at people in the street about how we're all going to burn in hell. Someone should try that.

Wes Streeting pays no heed to the floor arrows in IKEA.

Let's just quickly check in on how the fight against the far right is going in the UK...

Wes Streeting is a fanny. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

I'm listening to 90s music, gang... Voluntarily.

Those candidates for next Labour leader

stiL wana run 2 U! Ur wiv da angLes nnow.Xox

Nailed it.

"In the 1979 German kids TV drama, 'Timm Thaler', dubbed and later shown in the UK as 'Tim Tyler', the titular Tim trades his laugh for the ability to win any bet, then regrets it and has to battle to get his laugh back, but he could have just bet someone a fiver that he had his laugh back and won."

I wonder if he'll mention Top Cat essentially being Bilko but with cats?

Ah! Good old-fashioned family racism.

Decide now that you'll be really very nice indeed to a cat or dog tomorrow. You can do it. I believe in you.

Lyndon B. Johnson has entered the chat.

Sir Keir Starmer meeting MPs on Monday be all like:

ALERT! ALERT! THIS IS AN ALERT! PLEASE BE ALERT TO THIS ALERT! My cat has laid a big shite so everyone has to wake up right now and pay attention to his shenanigans even though it's not even 6 on a Sunday fucking morning.

My fine lady wife (a comely lass of virtue true) is away, so me and this madlad are having a lairy boys' night.

The UK, 2026.

I would 10/10 love this on a t-shirt.

BREAKING: Sir Keir Starmer has appointed former Zardoz protagonist, Zed as Britain's new Special Envoy to the Vortex.

FWIW, I think Keir Starmer is possibly right; if anything, Labour's cataclysmic election results mean he just should continue approaching being PM as one might approach being manager of a struggling branch of Dunelm Mill - but with a bit more transphobia and support for racists.

Oh wow. That thing that happened proved your pre-existing beliefs were absolutely correct somehow? That's terrific, honey. It's weird how that keeps happening though, right?

Oh man. This has got me right square in the feels.

It's so great that there was no racism at all after Paul McCartney and Stephen Wonder did this song. #TotP

Grogury's Girl. #TotP

The only one in Chas and Dave who didn't have a beard was the drummer whose name was Ian Beard. #TotP

Want to feel old? This is Tight Fit now: #TotP

Who'd win in a cage match? Bangles or Banananarama (original lineup). #TotP

DO EVERY ROSE HAS ITS THORN, YOU COWARDS! #TotP

As a British / German dual national I don't know whether to find Edelweiss moderately offensive or charmingly fun. #TotP