BBC Radio 2 The Scott Mills Breakfast Show Now Playing Queen Another One Bites The Dust

Broke: Wondering what Scott Mills is alleged to have done. Woke: Wondering who'll play Scott Mills in the Channel 5 dramatisation.

An exquisite riposte.

If it wasn't for my fine lady wife (a comely lass of virtue true) and my cat (a comely cat of virtue questionable), if I was going to the moon tomorrow, I'd probably be secretly planning to just fucking stay there.

I mean, I'm no expert on distracting people from justifiably catastrophic approval ratings, but I think maybe invading Iran perhaps possibly isn't a course of action that will make the situation significantly better.

Happy Angry Jesus Day to all who celebrate! Today we remembrance when Jesus was angry and was all like "Fuck y'all money-changers! Don't change money! We liked money before decimalisation just fine. Give us back our shillings and thrupenny bits! Bring back Fahrenheit and quarts and ounces too!"

I miss the Metaverse. 😭

I changed the time on the microwave and the oven, gang. Don't call me a hero. It's just science.

Those Amazon adverts where they show their employees being reasonably happy... That's our North Korean evening news, innit?

Once again, we return to the point in the infernal stupidity loop of history where men who were too young to do it last time and are too old to do it now express a particular keenness for reintroducing national service.

Pauly Shore calls to 'return to the gold standard' in the US amid war with Vietnam The 'Biodome' star says 'every American' should physically convert paper currency for gold in snub to Nixon.

Me blocking someone.

Don’t forget to put your cocks forward tonight.

If Scotland win this game, do we get to qualify for the World Cup again? Can we donate our spare invite? I got offered tickets to the Massachusetts games the other day but I just... No. I glady go to places fresh out of, or on the verge of wars for work but... Nope. Nuh huh. #SCOJAP

NGL, I've still got the song from the Afroman trial about the Sheriff's mum being a bitch stuck in my head. They'll be teaching that stuff in law school next semester.

For #Caturday I give you Bertie exploring his new adventure wall brackets.

#Caturday chaos putting new shelves up in the office...

I should probably do something. Anyone buying a print today from HappyToast.co.uk will get a limited edition "20 years of Toast" print.

An artist and his art.

Do you have to do age verification to see sexy stuff like this in the UK now?

Define timeline syncrosity w/ @bryb.bsky.social

Few people remember that, before she was a bass guitar toting rock goddess, Suzi Quatro invented four wheel drive while on a Youth Training Scheme at Audi. #TotP

ATB stands for All Terrain Behicle. #TotP

I'm being asked to believe that Gail Porter was on a 2009 stamp in the Ivory Coast and I am choosing to believe it wholeheartedly. No further research will be done in this regard. #TotP

Human achievement peaked with the Vengaboys. #TotP

Adam Rickitt suffered from a debilitating vitamin D deficiency. #TotP

I just want to build a time machine and go back and warn S-Club 7. #TotP

Does Marco Rubio still get his mum to tell the barber what to do? My mum used to think I looked good with a "spike". I think because the nuns thought it was cute and that was a big deal, I guess.

Oh. Your. Deity. This guy totally Mayors tho, right? Like, he's *really* good at this stuff. Who'd have thought there'd be such a gaping chasm in the market for a young, energetic, charismatic, demonstrably clever person who actually gives a shite?

We got Bertie the cat a Robot Cat Butler so he doesn't associate (shouting at) humans with feeding stuff so much, but he's taken to worshipping it like it's some manner of Book-of-Exodus style false idol. I don't want to have to go full cat Moses, is what I'm saying here.

Just found myself singing "It's Raining, It's Pouring" to the cat, then being compelled to explain to him that it's a song about an old man dying in his sleep that children sing for fun.

When Bluesky gives you sexbots, make memeonade.x

Brilliant bit of guerilla advertising from Sir Paul McCartney, sneakily sneaking a kid dressed as him in the 50s into a Google Streetview picture holding a big sign advertising his new premium rate telephone chat service. Love it.

Bit vicariously sad, gang. Huggles all round.x

Aw man! No fair! You get to have so much rad stuff in your room if you're president!

"A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience..." - Samuel Johnson, c. 1770 "Trying to recall an email is the triumph of hope over experience..." - Everyone, c. 2026

Cat stuff makes everything alright.

If the Heat prequel, Heat 2 isn't called Pre-Heat we might as well call it a day as a species, frankly.

We should go back to behaving like Regency period women where any sort of setback at all is adequate justification for taking to the couch for a fortnight with a fit of the vapours or dramatically wandering off out across the moors on a stormy night.

If everything could just stop being so stupid and bleak for a couple of minutes, that'd be terrific.

There's no way this is a film about an ex-special forces officer who is just trying to live a quiet life but finds he has to use his deadly skills one last time to help an innocent lady who's caught up in something bad through no fault of her own because none of Jason Statham's films are about that.

Can I just call it now for posterity? In this scene from the Spider-Man: Brand New Day trailer, they've clearly removed a couple of other characters (I used to be really good at Spot the Ball). They're going to be Firestar and Iceman and Sadie Sink is Firestar. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Gang. GANG. Here's that Ghanian bootleg Cheers artwork you were looking for.

Trying to distract myself for a few minutes so I've put the Dire Straits custom kitchen delivery lads in the Metaverse.

Lads. LADS. For future reference, it's traditional that once the court makes its ruling, they're not "allegations" any more. That's like court's whole thing; making allegations not allegations any more.x

This is a real thing that's happening if we don't somehow find a way to stop it.

My pink sneakers have got people asking a lot of questions already answered by my sneakers.

"It's a right bastard, this van Can it move me? Of course it can! I put stuff in the back and off I go But to where, and for why? I'll never know. It serves its purpose, does its part But does it drive my beating heart? It's a right bastard, this cunting van Fuck. I'm a deeply troubled man."

One for @fubsyshabaroon.bsky.social... NEW LOW CIGARETTE PR ICES WEID HAV EITRDY