V for Vets vs PNDJATC for Pencil-necked desk jockeys at the council Spotter: Jane www.eveningnews24.co.uk/news/2548097...

Not even Florida, people. NOT EVEN FLORIDA.

As Brice was led away he shouted: ‘What, I am going to prison, is that really necessary?’ The judge replied: ‘Yes.’ Well played, Judge.

May I venture to suggest “Toward that white line 100 metres in front of you”?

Poetry continues break out in the Derby Telegraph, about a bizarre “seaside” resort approximately 90 miles from the coast. We’ve been there. It’s weird.

… by recreating his famous Italia ‘90 “shat on pitch” moment in the saloon bar.

This year’s Irish presidential campaign is wonderfully bonkers, and at last I’m getting full value from my Irish citizenship 🇮🇪

Man visiting his friend Barry vs Parking Bastard™️ is only going to end one way. Bonus content: Comments are heaving with armchair lawyers.

A cautionary tale of ex-pat life in Thailand, including a fine photograph of a local woman pointing at no cash machines at all.

Regret to report that those pencil-necked desk jockeys at the council have been enforcing their existing parking rules again.

Not sure if crapping on it will help, but go right ahead.

I genuinely thought this photo was AI. It is not AI.

Humans: Please stop being dickheads.

Your mum.

Regret to report that those pencil-necked desk jockeys at the council are at it again, enforcing their pesky so-called “fire regulations” that prevent people from “burning to death”.

Is it a cat?

Sexy slang

Shocking if true.

Of all the “Oh mate” stories we’ve ever done, this is the oh matest.

The first ever prisoner of war camp, and hopefully they learned from their mistakes for the second ever POW camp.

“Free art lessons for mayoral candidates” is a campaign we can get behind.

Man finds he has been overcharged for gin in Asda, complains, gets a refund, still goes to the paper.

Yet they’ve kept all the accordions, an alleged musical instrument largely linked to dictatorships. Interesting.

Wanna feel old? This is what Noseybonk out off of nightmare fuel kids’ TV looks like today.

Criminals: Don’t be like this guy, he’s giving crime a bad name. Local dentists: Stand down, you won’t know him.

He blew it on the first date after telling her he’d like to fill her hole, but it was all a huge misunderstanding.

Not at all nice to the people on the receiving end of a large fish, but see if you can find the paragraph which had way too much information

All the proof you need that opticians are simply a front for the military-industrial complex division that makes those special lens-cleaning cloths. Do your own research, sheeple!

Things which are a bit like the Berlin Wall, only without the machine guns an’ that: Okehampton in Devon.

People living next to (recently improved to reduce freight train wait times) railway line complain about trains.

Roses are red Quite silver, the birch

Click through for some very fine nose-holding.

Just (oh-ho!) NIPPING into town!!!!

Actual “You can’t park there” pettiness featuring appearances from Housing Bastard™️ and Parking Bastard™️, both proud members of Bastard Group plc.

Not a news story until someone spots the Watford Panther there.

Dear @vizcomic.bsky.social Boffins with nothing better to do tell us that chimpanzees have two alcoholic drinks a day, as if that’s something to shout about. I could easily drink any chimp under the table, and quite possibly a gorilla as well. Your pal, Albert O’Balsam

Never mind the pointing and never mind the bins, we’re all about the lady in the puffa jacket.

Larusmarinusphobia: the fear that somewhere, somehow, a seagull is watching you.

Meanwhile in Sweden: Electric expert draws the saw against government’s energy pricing plans, says “It’s a kind of bluff”. In Swedish, our spotter says, “drawing a saw” means to severely criticise something, so that’s why he’s in his garden holding a saw.

“Are you my mummy?”

Superb commitment from those two fellas who both had a bizarre accident with an anvil at exactly the same time. Give them a big hand!

Pray harder.

“It’s called fashion. Look it up”

We don’t do grown adult journalist does borderline normal thing stories, but…

@apiln.bsky.social I can't understand their beef with Toby Carvery. www.expressandstar.com/news/propert...

“But we’ve given you an alternative bridge down a busy road with no footpath and across the leopard enclosure, what more do you want?”

Eight quid? Bunch of feathery freeloaders.

“During the war…”

It’s to stop the Bill Gates Tonty Blair Communist New World Order from getting your DNA so they can turn you into a slug. DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH SHEEPLE.

It has come to my attention that people are - once again - having serious conversations below posts on this account. THIS MUST CEASE.