Sometimes the adults aren’t in the room. They’re in orbit.

Nothing says Southampton elegance like explaining wire fraud between Pilates and dinner at Sant Ambroeus. File under lifestyles of the rich and no longer summering: www.vanityfair.com/culture/stor...

Trump repeats lies because they never cost him anything more than Daniel Dale’s remaining faith in humanity.

If a wall could wink.

Good morning Bluesky! Trump’s flex tour continued yesterday: claims Zelenskyy gets nothing without his okay, DOJ told to drop Epstein Dem names like party favors, federal agencies praise Jesus on Xmas. Trump is a thin-skinned bully whose threats sound more hollow by the day.

Me: “Will I be able to have sex after ankle surgery?” Doctor: “If something feels wrong, stop immediately.” Me: “What if everything feels wrong, but in a familiar way?” Doctor: “Then you’re married.”

Why MAGA doesn’t understand humor: • Context is dismissed • Satire is read as belief • Bad faith is the default lens • Punchlines are mistaken for positions • Ambiguity feels threatening • Laughter implies someone is “getting away with something”

Santa believes in magic but Indiana believes in roundhouse kicks.

This feels like the last scene before the commercial break.

Being on Earth under Trump is like a carnival ride where the operator just yelled “eh, close enough” and lit a cigarette and the safety announcement is just “relax, this has never happened before.”

The period between Christmas and New Year’s is sponsored by sweatpants and denial.

Good morning Bluesky! Trump spent Christmas Day bombing Nigeria, country #6 this year, while the Coast Guard played international tag with an oil tanker. He also told Democrats to “enjoy what may be your last Merry Christmas,” a nontraditional expression of cheer.

For Christmas, my sister-in-law who thinks I’m promiscuous got me an XL men’s robe embroidered “Guest.” Apparently, “We’ll See How This Goes” wouldn’t fit.

Working in the same city as Trump administration people has me on edge: every time the wind shifts in DC I think, “Where was that air five minutes ago?”

“Release the Epstein files” instantly became “I didn’t read them, they’re fake unless Democrats are named, the victims matter, and please stop talking about it

Trump supporters: “I haven’t read the Epstein files but know they’re fake, suspiciously timed, and only real if they name Democrats. Epstein was bad, victims matter, but talking about it is divisive. Both sides are bad. Please stop discussing the files we demanded be released.”

Seeing my family at Christmas is like a haunted house, except the ghosts remember things I said in 2009.

Some men lose a friend and join a bowling league. Trump loses his only friend Jeffrey Epstein and live-blogs through the grief.

NORAD tracked Santa. Trump tracked enemies, ghosts, and a five-year-old election, then ditched Christmas dinner at Mar-a-Lago to hide in his grievance pantry, shoveling raw resentment straight into the internet. 🎄📱

Christmas Eve recap: bishops asked for mercy, got a shrug. ICE did violence, migrants shipped to nowhere, ICE warehouses prepped like Prime boxes. Trump skipped peace on earth to post 125 times about 2020 and Bad Santa. Ho ho nope. 🎄🤡

Who else works this hard on Christmas Eve?

It’s not so much a diagnosis as it is a countdown.

The only ones to text so far are Ghislaine Maxwell and Sean Combs, looking for pardons.

🎵 The party's on The spirit's up We're here tonight And that's enough Simply having a

Holiday shopping chaos? Please. I lived through the Beanie Babies investment era.

Four years ago I asked my best friend to flirt with my boyfriend to test him, and now they're coming over for Christmas Eve dinner with their two kids.

Can we all agree to temporarily raise the bar for “this would’ve ended any other presidency” during Trump?

“You screamed from the mountaintops, I laughed, I mocked you - anyway, please clap for my growth.”

All I want for Christmas is for everyone to lower their expectations.

Selling due to "newly released documents." No lowballs.

Big top energy. Tiny brain operations. 🤡

Every good number is retroactively his, and every bad one is Biden’s.

When the press release opens with “before you read this, calm down,” you know it’s not a nothingburger.

They’re losing control and it shows: ICE played musical detainees, Epstein files did a vanishing act, wind projects died of “classified,” and judges ordered due process reinstated. States sued, courts pushed back, and power started squealing like bald tires on a crumbling road.

Nothing protects workers from AI like making everything more expensive.

Rob Schneider, famous for his investigative work in Deuce Bigalow, has really cracked the media code.

BREAKING: WATCH the full 60 Minutes CECOT segment here. This was sent to me anonymously. It appears to be the segment CBS' Bari Weiss killed. www.muellershewrote.com/p/watch-the-...

Epstein really said ‘short route home’ like it was an Uber Pool.

Pivotal scene from my all-time favorite Hallmark movie.

If Trump keeps losing comparisons to repressive autocrats, he’ll probably outlaw comparisons.

Elise Stefanik leaving politics is the closest thing America’s had to an exorcism.

Nothing says leadership like unburdening white people from an apology no one asked for.

Breaking: Wind turns out to be made of air.

“Please respect my loss,” she says, over fireworks, a spotlight, and a cameo cry.

Releases a documentary directed by a guy in the Epstein files.

No more apologies for being white is just “I’m furious no one is actually oppressing me.”

It’s a brand new day for the Whites. .

Finally, I can stop apologizing for the thing I was never apologizing for.

Breaking news: investigative journalism delayed by sudden outbreak of executive nervousness.

Zero rhythm. Full effort. Classic Rodney.