"Well, we've never been at war with our federal government before." - MN Gov. Tim Walz Natives: “Welcome to the fking club.”

The internet is basically people liking things and other people saying those things suck.

The robin who came to say hello to me on this, my birthday 🎂

3am. now seems like a good time to try and sleep

“Avatar: Fire and Ash,” AKA “Avatar: Oh, Shit, The Third One’s Out?”

You can’t “fix” X, The Everything App by going back and posting there because the owner has this thumb on the scale of the algorithm to promote the worst ideas and people. It’s not a viable solution, you have to let it go.

I suggest the word "killstock" instead of "livestock" where the intention is killing.

Probably Venezuela gets free healthcare before we do

Every day I learn that I know so much less than what I would like to and more than I care for.

All these pop princesses and their boyfriends seem confused at why people don't believe they're bi.

Intimacy? You mean yoked up together and hauling a wicked load of firewood across the snow? Hellyeah

The Girl with the Oreo Tattoo

A dating app commercial during Detroiters is such a massive fail. A best friendship app would make bank, though, I bet.

every day i continue to live i become more convinced that i am currently dying of something 20 years ago and am hallucinating a future that doesn't make any fucking sense. I'm just waiting for greased lightning to drive me off into the sky.

If we all died today we leave our children nothing but shame and disgust.

Resistance grows every day here - so much so that all the good code names are already gone. I wanted "Nighthawk", but nope. So this is LatinaSk8r4Evah69, and I'm out

Still on twitter. These people never learn.

i'm gonna go out and find people screaming and go join them until we're all screaming. i don't even care what it's about, at this point.

Stephen Miller: Kissinger, but stupid.

When is winter taking its vacation days?

It’s January 2 and I’m back on my bullshit as the prophecy foretold.

I saved a bunch of money by not paying for Twitter.

I’m having a gay old time!

Hey, cut the guy some slack… He’s just a looooong blinker. “Sometimes they’ll take a picture of me blinking, blinking, and they’ll catch me with the blink," Trump said.

In 2026 I’m planning to continue not knowing what a Labubu is

his face has seen true horrors

TRICKERATION

[bragging] I've never gotten the This User Posts A Lot label because I delete so many of my posts within minutes of sending them

Stockton is going to fly apart like a LEGO man at some point if this keeps up.

Methodology: • We ask a question • Ten randos answer • Conclusions are drawn with confidence Reply with one line to be included.

I just started consistently writing 2025.

new year, same terrible posts

Goddammit. The constant texts saying “I’m here” were quite disruptive as Gary was trying to scroll through his feed in the cell phone lot.

May you learn the difference between righteous anger and impotent rage

When we sift through the rubble this regime leaves behind, the BILLIONS they’ll have outright STOLEN from the American people & other countries & businesses will BOGGLE the mind. And MAGA cultists will spend the rest of their lives denying it & defending them. www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026...

Someone invited me to a thing. Year RUINED!

Fellas, just to let yall know, I'm straight ok.

You know how your parents used to call every console a "Nintendo"? That's how conservatives use the word "socialist" to describe everything to the left of hunting the homeless for sport.

It was a struggle but I managed dry January. Glad that’s over.

Toby Morton, 👨‍🍳💋

This year my New Year's Resolution was to be less cool, and yep, you guessed it, I already broke it.

Recap from last night’s fireworks: Boom, boom, boom, Kabbbbboooommmm, boom, crackle, crackle, boom, crackle, whistle, whistle, boom, kaboom, kaboom, boom!!!!! Happy New Year!!!

Person: Happy 2026! Teen: 7

We just finished a year, do we really have to start a new one?

👏

Irish tradition says to open your front and back doors to let the old year out and the new one in, but I'm only getting rid of this one, I'll let 2026 in when it gets its shit together.

this whole year could’ve been a stephen king short story