If you see an ICE person and you’re so inclined you should let them know that someday soon they’re going to go to prison for their crimes

Set up the outdoor lights and display today. Bring it on!

Forty sleeps until Christmas but no pressure.

So many dots. So many connections. Sec ring under a pizza shop doesn't sound so crazy anymore.

"The world is going down the drain and all we can say is "that sucks"" - The Life of Chuck

Idk where this story originated, but the only way to disprove it is to release the Epstein files

investigating everyone in the Epstein files except for Donald Trump is like quoting everything from the Bible except for passages about adultery, incest, genocide, war, rape, murder, and slavery

i swear, i throw the worst pity parties

Me, literally every minute of every day:

Where’s today’s jobs report. All we got was yesterday’s job report

Keep turning up that dial, Bluesky! You're doing great!

I think I'm just going to feed the entirety of the dictionary into the mute word list for a bit.

"Your life has no direction." "Yes it does." "What?" "Untoward."

I was booted off Twitter for 24 hours during which the Queen of England died for posting “kick his ass, seabass”

I can tell you hate when I'm asleep .

Omg everyone in your Twitter dm room is in your friend circle, that's craaazy.

No dear. Last week's election results were not a reckoning. They were a referendum. Once that's complete then the reckonings will begin in earnest.

Mornin, y’all. Have a great day.

VP Kamala Harris: Our unity is our strength, and our diversity is our power. VP JD Vance: I’m a Grok guy.

And God made Adam sleep; and pulled from him his McRib and fed it to Eve, who invented the recipe (BBQ sauce, Pickles, & Onions)

If I have to step on people to get ahead, I’m not going anywhere.

Mom beat up a proud boy and wrecked the frog suit I loaned her.

Me when I hit a meaningless goal on a site that may possibly implode at any moment.

Her words were so cold I didn’t hear them until the spring thaw.

Another day breaks, let’s see if I can put it back together.

Lost, and at a loss.

I’m not trapped here, I made this prison.

Your shitposting is tearing this family apart.

I don’t have any answers, but I do have a few good questions.

That thump from under the floorboards sure has been a lot louder lately.

It’s not over, I won’t let it go. 🎃

I hope our pathetic “left” is elected in a sweep, let’s protest them too. Let’s open all the files.

What if we made out in the LEGO store.

Ran out of donuts, had to bust ino my emergency donut stash.

This is a @mardigroan.bsky.social appreciation post. If you aren't following him, then you should be. He's a seriously funny, cool, and nice guy, which is a rarity these days.

I have reinstated my bedside programmable coffeemaker as my alarm clock for the winter months. Sadly, Cuisinarthur perished last year, but I've welcomed his successor, Bodum (full name: Beau Dumatin.)

My bedroom window isn't all that far away from a sidewalk, so there's the potential for passersby to hear all sorts of embarrassing things. (Me telling the cat how handsome he is, rotating through three or four languages.)

Who won The Great Head-Band Wars of the early to mid 80s?: (a) Bruce Springsteen (b) Pat Benatar (c) Mike Reno of Loverboy (d) Jane Fonda (e) Brett Michaels of Poison

Small talk ideas - How about all the things? - Can you believe the management of our local sports team? - There was weather today.

I miss October.

The internet isn't fun anymore. I miss when it was just pictures of cats with bad grammar, not a global prison that monetizes despair.

If you run past your neighbors scratching your crotch and screaming they tend to not ask questions.

Sometimes when my cats are fighting, I pretend it's over me.

Instead of building a ship in a bottle I took a bottle on a ship. Now there’s a man overboard and I’ve been banned from Carnival Cruises for life.

Lobbying my state legislature to make a law requiring a clear sky and regional blackout for all Aurora Borealis nights

If you know a veteran, thank them. If you ARE a veteran, THANK YOU.

secrets, I think kill people. secrets eat away at your soul and isolate you from other people. the deep secret shit you don't want to tell anyone? tell someone. a priest, a rabbi. who cares? a homeless guy, your dog. say it out loud. the upshot is basically, welcome to the human race.