Aaaaaaaaaah Brexit….

Hilarious

I don’t want to be unnecessarily cruel or vindictive to a woman based on her appearance, but having seen the photo of ol’ red eyes all over everywhere tonight, has anyone else noticed his ex-wife appears to be morphing into Chucky? Looks like a life of leeching is not good for the complexion.

I still find it hard to believe he’s not the Police Commissioner of Gotham City in the sixties tbh.

I give you the transformative goat art you never knew you needed:

The ‘Epstein Class’ seems to be gaining real traction as a label in the States (and beyond.) Unfortunately, all those it identifies on all wings of the political spectrum are the wealthy & powerful, and there doesn’t seem much point in identifying them if you can’t also hold them accountable.

Given recent events I’m just not sure whether to apply to be British Ambassador to the US, a Special UK Trade Envoy, or both.

Imagine being incarcerated at your own brother’s pleasure.

Now. Which is the bigger crime? 😊

Just in: Andrew has been confined to another grace and favour cottage on the Sandringham Estate while his ‘cell’ is being redecorated and the pool is finished.

The last line is very telling. “The fundamental problem here is you’re not asking me about the point I’m making”. No. She’s asking you about your crap policy. Not the question you want to answer. If you don’t know how an interview works I really don’t know how you became a ‘self-made millionaire.’

And not one Prince.

One might almost call it an Equal Act.

As Nigel Farage makes Robert Jenrick his Shadow Chancellor, here's a quick reminder of the sort of man Reform wants to put in charge of the nation's finances

Wholly in favour of this as long as it also applies to Eton, Westminster etc.

Which is pretty rich considering the Tories already did that and Reform keep telling us they’re not the Tories despite all the, you know…Tories.

Boyz in the (white) Hoodz?

Tell me, can you remember the point at which you definitively knew humankind was utterly doomed? 🤯

To be fair, there are actually two children in Matthew’s family as he counts as one.

Well what a fun lunch. I have just been presented with a delegation from the National Association for the Advancement of Civil Rights for the Under 9’s to discuss ‘Granny’. Unfortunately, she regards neurodiversity as essentially a wilful refusal to adhere to the rules of Victorian table etiquette.

Ghislaine Maxwell, a convicted child sex trafficker, gets gardening time, sports, therapy dogs, and spa products in prison. Migrant children in custody are sleeping on concrete floors without enough food or clean water. Our priorities are so fucked.

Back to visit mum. All sweetness and light until she discovered I had turned the central heating on overnight so my children didn’t freeze to death in their beds and now we have all been disinherited.

Horrific. Made it to the gig in one piece despite the clear presence of traffic that could have run me over at any point but didn’t. Then, on the way back I had to go down an alley. Not only was it threateningly lit, there was a draught which I’m almost certain attempted to assault me. Terrifying.

Although of course the problem is, as always, asking a government who won a landslide in 2024 on 34% of the vote to change a system which gave them a landslide with 34% of the vote.

Shit. I just parked near a gig in Old St and the walk is about 300 metres and now I’m too terrified to leave the car in case I have to ‘walk past someone’.

Anyone anywhere near Hexham tonight, this will be very much worth your time. Startlingly, Paul remains one of the very few attractions not already sold out for Valentine’s Day.

Fuck, quite frankly, Farage. Sprouting Putin's lines vertabin

Pretty sure this is a definition of the word ‘enjoy’ that I have not previously enjoyed.

Wow. After nearly three years, diagnosis, mediation, a tribunal and FINALLY an assessment, my eldest has been awarded an EHCP by the Local Authority. Which means the only people who now don’t believe she needs extra support are Kemi Badenoch and her grandmother.

Just checking if there are any any Leicester City fans on here who might be interested in being in an even worse mood?

Starmer could buy himself A LOT of time with electoral reform. And he's got the majority to do it. The fact he hasn't already is a pretty big factor in why I left the party.

That last sentence. I mean, you'd hope so.

I mean - imagine throwing your toys out of the pram because you got rejected by (drum roll) Bangor University Debating Society??? Seriously. Have a little dignity. I thought you were all about PRIDE!? 🦁🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿✊

This was great fun. Have a listen. It's magic.

Wow. Literally threatening an entire academic institution because the *DEBATING SOCIETY* turned down a request for you to address them. On this basis I am considering suing Carnegie Hall. Reform are such a bunch of f*ckwits. But they are weasely, deeply unpleasant & utterly unpricipled ones too.

It’s very good of Prince William to distance himself from his horrific uncle Andrew, while on a visit to hang out with journalist-murdering bastard Mohammed bin Salman. I

Given the water levels round me, the promise of MORE rain, and the amount of sewage already dumped in the rivers, I think I’m just going to start crapping in the street to cut out the middle man. Thank GOODNESS global warning is a hoax.

Could I possibly suggest NOT replacing Morgan McSweeney? All evidence from the last decade points to the fact the position should really be called ‘Chief Sh*thead’ and it would be best for all concerned if it remained vacant.

I AM PREPARED TO MAKE A GO OF IT.

Does it? I mean - can it? Surely there are some depths you can’t plumb any further?

Thatcher probably did it to annoy her father.

First time I’ve been glad of the paywall.

Yup. Less ‘Drain the Swamp’, more ‘Swamp the Drain’.

Also, ‘six’ isn’t ’countless numbers’.

Is there such a thing as Global Raining?

He’s m….. He’s….he’s Mmm. He’s ma…

Sorry, could I just check. The Washington Post is making all its staff redundant despite being owned by the world’s fifth richest man who probably has enough money to buy every newspaper on the planet? He sounds nice.

A quick reminder I am running the Cabridge half next month for the brilliant cancer charity 'Something to Look Forward To' and would love to get to my sponsorship target early so I can set a new one. If you can, I'd love it if you clicked on this link to donate: www.givengain.com/project/alis...

I really don’t care if you think @zackpolanski.bsky.social has got fantasy policies. He is now clearly the only party leader who hasn’t proved himself to be an irredeemable c*nt, and for that quite depressing reason, he’s now got my vote.

I see Starmer is safe then: