Worried about the next 12 months? Fear not. I am delighted to present, in association with the mighty @dailystar, my predictions for 2026. And I think you might be pleasantly surprised… Happy new year! CB

Cloaks and secrets. My kind of show. #TheTraitors

Did anyone have ‘Count Binface has a more nuanced and sophisticated attitude to mask-wearing than Jon Stewart’ on their 2025 bingo card?

Gandalf’s enjoying that Dyson Air Wrap he got for Christmas.

All too easy. #thechase

A Christmas gift from the Binfluencer Supreme: an intergalactic natter between me and @susiedentwords.bsky.social ! In a crowded field, it's my favourite pod episode yet - and I'm talking all podcasts in the universe. Join us here: podfollow.com/trash-talk-w... Merry Christmas! CB x

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE! Give your loved ones (including yourself) the ultimate gift for 2026: join Count Binface Lifts the Lid, the finest newsletter in the galaxy! countbinface.substack.com/p/a-space-al... Subscribe today for a special glimpse into Christmas future… CB X

What political gift would you like this Christmas? Send your letter to me (Santa's useless at this stuff) and I'll answer it on the next episode of my galactic podcast, Trash Talk!

You're going to need more protection than that, shitclown. Impeachment no.3 is coming.

I would say it pleases me to have more TikTok followers than Keir Starmer, but OF COURSE I do. And you know what, The Daily Star lettuce should too! www.tiktok.com/@thedailysta...

Beautiful. Poignant. Lovely stuff.

Nigel Farage lets his mask slip: www.youtube.com/watch?v=acYP...

Call me a mad alien with a Ceefax fetish but I don’t think you should be allowed to drastically change the justice system without asking voters in advance. Starmer and Lammy, if you think this is so important you need to call an election and make your case. I’m free in January.

🚨NEW POLICY ANNOUNCEMENT🚨 All Evri executives to have their Christmas presents delivered by Evri, to see how they like it. Love Christmas. Vote Binface.

Get the Black Friday Deal to rule them all! 25% off a full subscription to Count Binface Lifts the Lid! Get all my satirical glory in your inbox for the price of three £1 croissants! And today I solve Britain's problems with one simple tax. Join me! open.substack.com/pub/countbin...

Read the Budget we should have got. My one! #Budget2025

Boris Johnson What he said: 20,000 more police What he did: 23,000 fewer people

I am and have always been a faithful... to galactic podcasting. And joining me on Trash Talk this week is the perfect man to celebrate a BBC triumph in a time of BBC madness. It's Paul Gorton, and we're talking Traitors and a whole lot more. Get it here! pod.fo/e/3541ce

Trump. Epstein. Starmer. Reeves. BBC. Trump again. It's a Smorgasbord of Shite: join me in taking the trash out in my bumper review of the week. Free for all humans! open.substack.com/pub/countbin...

Kill? No. Slay? You’d better believe it.

Stool sample claims woods faeces are bear’s.

Ok President Trump, if you sue the BBC for $1bn for spreading lies, I’ll sue you for the same amount. I reckon Planet Earth would crowdfund that. Then I’ll buy Mar A Largo, turn it into a climate change research centre, free Melania, and put a 1000% tariff on orange face paint.

Lest we forget.

BRAND NEW TRASH TALK! Joining me on the podcast is special guest @christhebarker, the genius behind the Sgt Pepper obituary montages. Plus my guide to the greatest elevens on Earth! Get the full show here: podfollow.com/trash-talk-w.... And here’s a taste!

And so to bed. A figure of hope arises in the UK. @countbinface.bsky.social #Nerdlings

There now follows a Party Political Broadcast by the Count Binface Party.

Happy November! It's the 11th month. I am an intergalactic authority on everything. Therefore I have compiled the definitive guide to Elevens. From Rachel Reeves to my ex, get it here! open.substack.com/pub/countbin...

Happy November! It's the 11th month. I am an intergalactic authority on everything. Therefore I have compiled the definitive guide to Elevens. From Rachel Reeves to my ex, get it here! open.substack.com/pub/countbin...

Andrew does still have a title. Clue: it’s pretty close to mine.

Start the car.

Oxygene Pt 4 by Jean Michel Jarre just got played by @simonmayo.bsky.social on @greatesthitsuk.bsky.social , because it's no.207 in their new Top 500 countdown. Proof if proof be needed that the people who don't vote can cause massive repercussions just like the ones who do. #MakeYourVoteCount

Things that are making me laugh: The Green Party have more members than the Tories. I have more Bluesky and X followers than Zack Polanski. #MakeYourVoteCount

Get the news you can trust, from an eight-foot-tall space alien with a bin for a face. My latest bulletin is out now! Featuring Trump, Strictly, Clippy, Traitors, Caerphilly and more! open.substack.com/pub/countbin...

Get the news you can trust, from an eight-foot-tall space alien with a bin for a face. My latest bulletin is out now! Featuring Trump, Strictly, Clippy, Traitors, Caerphilly and more! open.substack.com/pub/countbin...

RIP Lady Annabel Goldsmith, time-traveller.

HOW TO SPOT A TRAITOR! (No spoilers, guaranteed.) An official alien's guide, to kick off your weekend in style. open.substack.com/pub/countbin...

Keir Your Enthusiasm.

I hereby declare war on premature Christmassing. Any shop caught doing this before 1st December must be shut down and turned into affordable housing. Choose sanity. Vote Binface. (Photo dated 9th October 2025)

BRAND NEW TRASH TALK! The latest episode of my award-binning podcast is out now, featuring special guest @_SeanOGrady from the Independent. Get it here. pod.fo/e/339469 Expect fireworks, like these! www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjNK...

What a night. Max Fosh in Clash of The Comics. Niko Omilana in #CelebrityTraitors. Only one organism has beaten both of them AND pledged to make Claudia Winkleman’s fringe Grade 1 Listed. Choose love. Choose Binface.

Which famous person would you like to see in #CelebrityTraitors if you had the chance? Put your answer below for the ultimate cast list!

A cameraman at the #ToryConference just did an excellently-timed zoom onto Chris Philp. #kemi #badenoch

This is my new all-time favourite vox pop.

EUREKA! I have made a startling discovery about the British Prime Minister. Read all about it in my brand new newsletter here: countbinface.substack.com/p/exstarminate

EUREKA! I have made a startling discovery about the British Prime Minister. Read all about it in my brand new newsletter here: countbinface.substack.com/p/exstarminate

@countbinface.bsky.social wins best email subject line of the day for me...

Woods may already be covered in shit, says bear.

If you enjoy swallowing bovine faeces, you're spoiled for choice right now. Choose sanity. Vote Binface.

Lord Hatface, I salute you.