Trump. Epstein. Starmer. Reeves. BBC. Trump again. It's a Smorgasbord of Shite: join me in taking the trash out in my bumper review of the week. Free for all humans! open.substack.com/pub/countbin...

Kill? No. Slay? You’d better believe it.

Stool sample claims woods faeces are bear’s.

Ok President Trump, if you sue the BBC for $1bn for spreading lies, I’ll sue you for the same amount. I reckon Planet Earth would crowdfund that. Then I’ll buy Mar A Largo, turn it into a climate change research centre, free Melania, and put a 1000% tariff on orange face paint.

Lest we forget.

BRAND NEW TRASH TALK! Joining me on the podcast is special guest @christhebarker, the genius behind the Sgt Pepper obituary montages. Plus my guide to the greatest elevens on Earth! Get the full show here: podfollow.com/trash-talk-w.... And here’s a taste!

And so to bed. A figure of hope arises in the UK. @countbinface.bsky.social #Nerdlings

There now follows a Party Political Broadcast by the Count Binface Party.

Happy November! It's the 11th month. I am an intergalactic authority on everything. Therefore I have compiled the definitive guide to Elevens. From Rachel Reeves to my ex, get it here! open.substack.com/pub/countbin...

Happy November! It's the 11th month. I am an intergalactic authority on everything. Therefore I have compiled the definitive guide to Elevens. From Rachel Reeves to my ex, get it here! open.substack.com/pub/countbin...

Andrew does still have a title. Clue: it’s pretty close to mine.

Start the car.

Oxygene Pt 4 by Jean Michel Jarre just got played by @simonmayo.bsky.social on @greatesthitsuk.bsky.social , because it's no.207 in their new Top 500 countdown. Proof if proof be needed that the people who don't vote can cause massive repercussions just like the ones who do. #MakeYourVoteCount

Things that are making me laugh: The Green Party have more members than the Tories. I have more Bluesky and X followers than Zack Polanski. #MakeYourVoteCount

Get the news you can trust, from an eight-foot-tall space alien with a bin for a face. My latest bulletin is out now! Featuring Trump, Strictly, Clippy, Traitors, Caerphilly and more! open.substack.com/pub/countbin...

Get the news you can trust, from an eight-foot-tall space alien with a bin for a face. My latest bulletin is out now! Featuring Trump, Strictly, Clippy, Traitors, Caerphilly and more! open.substack.com/pub/countbin...

RIP Lady Annabel Goldsmith, time-traveller.

HOW TO SPOT A TRAITOR! (No spoilers, guaranteed.) An official alien's guide, to kick off your weekend in style. open.substack.com/pub/countbin...

Keir Your Enthusiasm.

I hereby declare war on premature Christmassing. Any shop caught doing this before 1st December must be shut down and turned into affordable housing. Choose sanity. Vote Binface. (Photo dated 9th October 2025)

BRAND NEW TRASH TALK! The latest episode of my award-binning podcast is out now, featuring special guest @_SeanOGrady from the Independent. Get it here. pod.fo/e/339469 Expect fireworks, like these! www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjNK...

What a night. Max Fosh in Clash of The Comics. Niko Omilana in #CelebrityTraitors. Only one organism has beaten both of them AND pledged to make Claudia Winkleman’s fringe Grade 1 Listed. Choose love. Choose Binface.

Which famous person would you like to see in #CelebrityTraitors if you had the chance? Put your answer below for the ultimate cast list!

A cameraman at the #ToryConference just did an excellently-timed zoom onto Chris Philp. #kemi #badenoch

This is my new all-time favourite vox pop.

EUREKA! I have made a startling discovery about the British Prime Minister. Read all about it in my brand new newsletter here: countbinface.substack.com/p/exstarminate

EUREKA! I have made a startling discovery about the British Prime Minister. Read all about it in my brand new newsletter here: countbinface.substack.com/p/exstarminate

@countbinface.bsky.social wins best email subject line of the day for me...

Woods may already be covered in shit, says bear.

If you enjoy swallowing bovine faeces, you're spoiled for choice right now. Choose sanity. Vote Binface.

Lord Hatface, I salute you.

The State (Visit) Of It: read my exclusive take on Trump, Charles, and what it says about how f*cked everyone is. (Apart from me. I'm just visiting.) open.substack.com/pub/countbin...

Is Trump on Ozempic? If so, it's done wonders for his ankles. Fair play.

There’s no #PMQs this week (Keir’s running out of ministers to wrongly defend), but fear not because #AskBinface is here to fill the gap! Send me your posers and policies, and I’ll answer them in the next edition of my podcast Trash Talk, which is a 50th episode special!

Eat this, Elon: 2024 London Mayoral Election Count Binface: 24,260 Britain First: 20,519

I'm starting to think the Daleks had a point.

Talking cock with Richard Herring @herring1967.bsky.social It’s a universal topic, and in this instance a hard one too.

I for one am eager to discover what his dad did for a living.

So Keir Starmer’s government is now ruled by the Quint? Well then. I don’t want no volunteers, I don’t want no mates. There are too many captains on this island. $10,000 for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing. Ko-fi.com/countbinface

BRAND NEW TRASH TALK! In the latest episode of my (future-) award-winning podcast, I speak to comedian Richard Herring about all sorts, including this little insight into both of us. Get the whole show here! pod.fo/e/3291ee

If Peter Mandelson is too awful to be an ambassador, why should he still be a lord? Or is the bar lower? #BinMandy

Mandelson sacked. Yum yum.

A brilliant story about Peter Mandelson, told to me by Mark Gatiss on my podcast Trash Talk...

Give him till Sunday.

It’s that time of the week: #AskBinface! Send me your questions and policy ideas, on any subject, and unlike #PMQs I’ll actually answer them, on this week’s edition of my podcast Trash Talk, featuring special guest Richard Herring. Bring it on!

Throwback to when I raised the deposit to run for London Mayor and beat Britain First by covering a soul classic: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yrm7...

How to beat Reform? EASY. It just needs a bit of joined-up thinking... AND ME. Read my masterplan here! open.substack.com/pub/countbin...

How to beat Reform? EASY. It just needs a bit of joined-up thinking... AND ME. Read my masterplan here! open.substack.com/pub/countbin...

Andrea Jenkyns must be singing again. #emergencyalert