The year is 2010/2016/2025/2030. Republicans are about to unveil their alternative to Obamacare.

I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never, ever let you forget you're a Jan. 'Cause I'm a Marsha ꮇꭺꭱꮪꮋꭺ ᵐᵃʳˢʰᵃ

I will never not feel like the Batman when opening a garage door through the app on my phone

Repost with an iconic fictional band

sitting on my thumbs until they go numb so it feels like someone else is reposting my skeets

Actually, it's Dr. Cookie's monster

the true measure of relative peace is at least two states away

“while brushing your teeth” is probably the worst time to sneeze

well excuse me for finding you clever and/or interesting and/or charming, mfkr

There are 1,700 ballots that need signature confirmation. That is enough to change the election. Go. Check. Your. Ballot. komonews.com/news/local/s...

yall wouldn't respect me if you knew how much coffee creamer i use

I said "tooth hurty" and my dentist just blinked at me

Help mom I’m being bullied by 87 year old novella writer Joyce Carol Oates again can you pick me up

i'm not saying that democratic party representatives are all secretly republicans. i'm not saying they're purposefully trying to make people hate them so trump can do his thing. i'm just saying that it looks that way

I lost my virginity while playing Pitfall on Atari

The workplace exclamation point is too powerful. It can have so many meanings. Enthusiasm. Mild rage. Friendship. War.

Now, the formalities of this and that is that Kris Kross ain't comin' off wack. And for all ya'll sucks that don't know? Check it out

This is so offensive I don’t even know where to start. “Vote blue no matter who and also shut the fuck up when those people betray you.” Nope. We will primary every senator who doesn’t call for Schumer to step down in the next 24 hours. You work for us.

the thing I miss most about the happy days of my youth is probably Leather Tuscadero

didn't make it home in time for cheesesteaks so I'm sadly missed steakum

it's genuinely pathetic how badly they fucked the american people in return for nothing, not even a deal but "promises" that republicans will "come to the table" and how unafraid they are to state that outright on national television because they know there are no consequences

One thing I really enjoy doing is the bare minimum.

seems crazy that they'd only charge a fiona apple what about all the other fruits?

REST OF WORLD: hey little buddy, you ok? USA: *throat-punches self*

You can leadership over a cliff, but you can't make it think. this is about you @schumer.senate.gov

a watched bear never berensteins

Happy There Is A Circulatory System Walking Through The Kitchen Day to all who celebrate.

today is my bsky anniversary so I just want to say: I will never stop terrorizing you. you will not win.

giving this MONDAY a case of the MEs

becoming an over-actor is my greatest hambition

putting chuck schumer where he belongs: thread

The model of holding individual senators responsible is broken here. The retirees clearly agreed to take the fall. Which is why the nos should get no credit for voting no unless they move to oust Schumer

How come you only hear about last ditch efforts? Shout out to everyone givin' effort on the first few ditches and whatnot.

okay, so, with Dems successfully keeping anyone up in 2026 for voting for this turd let's take a look at who's up in 2026 anyway: 1. Cory Booker - apparently involved behind the scenes, constantly looking for bipartisanship. I don't dislike him personally but he doesn't have what we need. Primary.

they need to learn what it’s like to be afraid of us.

He's a tin, but if he only had a heart

One very important character-building method is to just make things up

Respect Your Elderberries

A newly engaged neighbor asked me about marriage. I told him it's sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can't really touch anything.

i’m not going to say what is in my heart but it rhymes with schmiolence

We need some people to start announcing Dem Senate primary challenges TOMORROW There are 358 days until the next election and some senators who need to not be on the ballot when that happens

Just want to gently throw it out there that if you are feeling overwhelmed right now it’s ok to log off. Everyone is emoting deeply onto the timeline and you’re not obligated to witness it in an endless scroll. Take a break if you need to. Protect your heart. ❤️

Donald Trump’s approval rating has tanked and Republican suffered heavy losses in last week’s elections. There’s never been a better time for Senate Democrats to cave on the ACA extension.

I called. You call. Stop these dumb fucks.

Dems backed Trump into a corner where he’s advocating for starving Americans and hemorrhaging support. If they vote to let him off the hook in exchange for nothing it’s a cataclysmic failure. I know people are in pain but insulating Republicans from political consequences is not the answer.