Happy 4/20 to my stoners!

I think I’ve experienced enough lifetime trauma to justify becoming a serial killer and I’m honestly a little annoyed I turned out to be a people pleaser instead.

Not now babe, I'm sorting my pills for the week

The target cart lays on its side in the muddy parkway near the grocery store, 2.3 miles from its place of origin. Adjusting to a new life in the wild, it has plans, big plans, if only it can get upright again.

BF: “Hey I used some of your cream I found in the bathroom. Estro…something. I feel so great - OMG we should listen to Shania!!!”

Punk folk music got surprising lyrics like, "my pussy is a gun and it's pointed at your head, I can kiss you so good you'll wish that you were dead" or "I don't feel no more, I just want liquor and dirty whores" accompanied by a sweet or gravelly voice, the upbeat banjo and fiddle strumming along

The Rose-breasted Grosbeaks are back for the breeding season! I am so happy!!! He’s perfect!

Everything has been exhausting for like what? Six years? Christ Almighty.

At this point, most of us are surviving out of pure spite. Don’t let the bastards get you down.

It’s honestly ridiculous how often I have to tell you people how funny I am.

Guy Fieri isn’t allowed on my tv anymore.

People that keep it light might be doing so for their mental or emotional well-being. It doesn't mean they don't care about the way shit is. Not every post has to be a battle cry. Unclench those buttcheeks every so often.

I hate that saying “if you know you know” because no I don’t know

spice up your housework, yard work, and even grocery shopping with Butt Plugs™️

I might have yukked it up with you in the grocery store checkout line, but we’re in the parking lot now and I don’t know you anymore.

Took dad, 80, for skin cancer surgery. Again. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve been through this. Wear sunscreen. Fuck cancer.

I’m Canadian, of course I cover myself in maple and dance naked under the full moon.

(forgetting the word for plunger) where are the toilet suckers

Just put three 11-12 pound hams in the freezer because they were on sale for less than a dollar per pound. Try to control your boner.

Another exhausted morning. Party on.

Why do old people complain so damn much!??!

go outside sometimes, the stuff out there will make your heart do little flippies 📸: me

Coming out as bisexual. (I like cats and dogs.)

get in, no time to explain

Remind me to charge my loose ear crystals during the next full moon. This is a vertigo joke. I hope you vertigot it.

I think one of the things about bluesky is that for a lot of its users, it represents a kind of retirement from social media. Like I’m tired and I want to get out of the game

I have food stains on t shirts that are more family than actual family.

That time I took a pic of a gathering of goldfinches and it looked like a Renaissance painting.

every cell in my body any time I come across a 'news' article

Mini Eggs for breakfast for the calcium. Doctors orders.

I refer to my vagina as “the love tunnel”. Don’t make it weird.

There’s a finch family building a nest under the protection of my front window’s awning and I am LOVING it. We can watch them build the nest. I’ve named them Eugene and Ethyl. Mainly because I squeal eeeEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeee every single time they bring a twig to the nest.

I saw a recent Instagram post about how once you reach a certain age you have at least one bird in your house and I’m like 🤭

I practice safe sex by only listening to the cranberries when I fuck to prevent UTIs

I am thankful every single day for my *inner strength that got me through the last couple years. *edibles

filling my weekly pill organizer with corgis

✍️ Mark Anthony Poet

Your inability to learn complicated handshakes is tearing this gang apart.

More tree hugging. Less clusterfucking.

My boyfriend is taking me to his favourite antique shops tomorrow and I’m so excited that I may not sleep tonight.

*a bully doctor performs invasive surgery on a patient and begins squeezing their colon* Doctor: Quit shitting yourself, quit shitting yourself!!!

So many adults are disappointing.

Going to actually count sheep to help me sleep tonight. They’re white water rafting.

Apparently all schedules at work are AI generated now and everyone over 55 is freaking out. You know, because they love change and are easily adaptable. So this is great news. Just excellent.

Arthritis is acting up so I took extra edibles and m&m’s. It’s okay. I have a prescription.

@addledpixie.bsky.social The new Bob Pattinson movie looks interesting.

Wheel Of Fortune Contestant Keeps Asking For An E

Tank Girl. 2017. Oil and pencil on Canson toned paper. 11”x17”. SOLD.

The sun is shining and it’s snowing big happy flakes. Spring is a fickle bitch.