"Now I've heard there was a secret chunk That Helen made, and it pleased her hunk But you don't really care for cookies, do you?"

still can't believe they put my girl on antidepressants

quick, administer 5billion iu’s of cash STAT before it crashes

[after getting 8 likes on a post about Dracula having sex with Bigfoot] I love Bluesky, but this isn't sustainable

“I heard the officer say ‘that ain’t shit’.” NASHVILLE — ICE shatter a car window in front of a newborn, refuse to look at man’s license & work visa… drag him out of his car, hit him, mock him for being Guatemalan (he’s from Mexico), laugh when he begs to say goodbye.

It's been six hours since this occurred and noticing how @ward4.minneapolismn.gov hasn't made a peep about it. Absolutely tragic to have occurred.

Queen Elizabeth, Queen Victoria, Queen Isabella off the top of my head

Hedy Lamarr invented a radio-guided torpedo system during World War II designed to prevent jamming via frequency-hopping technology. That same technology is still in use today, including its use in WiFi, Bluetooth, and 5G networks. Nick Fuentes is a YouTuber who lives with his mom.

At a UPS man's funeral, dozens of men in their "dress browns" line the street, saluting a hearse with no passenger door as it slowly drives away.

“Zee plane, zee plane!” was a total ad lib. Hervé Villechaize saw a plane and freaked.

It's cool how no Republican is ever asked whether they agree with this guy

NYPD officers getting hit with snowballs in Washington Square Park this afternoon

inventing a new kind of vegetable. it's blue. it has self awareness. its name is Todd. tastes like a tomato.

rich people who "farmed" were farm - or plantation - owners who had other people do all the work - for subsistence wages or no wages at all. for a chunk of european history, it was illegal for poor farmers to leave the land they were born on to try and get better treatment under a different lord.

It is a good day to farm

the average american eats 5 hotdogs a year in their sleep

Y’all do get that you have to do Jeans Modeling to work out the Joort Constants, yes?

Wow. So many celebs were just implicated on the Epstein list :(

Poor kennel conditions are putting military working dogs' lives and health at risk, according to a recent report from the Pentagon inspector general that found at least four dogs died between 2021 and 2023 after being housed in unsatisfactory facilities. From Stars and Stripes' John Vandiver:

of all mortals, some dying men are the most tyrannical

Romancing the Jorts

techbros when they saw Mr Show's "New San Francisco"

If I was smarter, I would probably be able to better articulate being a teenager and being taught how to better pass as white and being in my 30's being taught how to pass as a woman and noticing a weird number of similarities. Maybe something about class signifiers and whiteness, I dunno

guy who wants to get cast on SNL to jump start his podcast career

losing track of what I should root for, celebrate what I'm supposed to dread, condemn

roughly 2000-2000,000 AU from the sun lies a theoretical cloud of billions of denim particles. this is known as the Joort Cloud

Those Obscure Jorts of Desire

Godard, who also directed "Jortsless" (1960) and "Jortsend" (1967)

Y tu Jorts tambien

lol no political philosophy of any kind - no greco-roman or other european history - NO FOUNDING FATHERS and omg as if america is run on jesus's teachings lmfao

A balanced diet includes a healthy portion of Judaism, at least two servings of Christ per day, one cup of Christianity, and a little USA for dessert

taking a fun little dna test to find out how norwegian I am and getting my great-uncle arrested for a series of unsolved ritual slayings from the 1970s

As someone who grew up on (white) teen movies, I was struck by how much that Patel scene looked like something straight out of a spec script in the 1980s. The racialized minority over performing nationalism as white frat boys clearly broadcast to everyone but him that he is not really one of them.

hamburglar helper

Psyching myself like

I realize the restaurant is slammed, but my napkin seems to be tinily frayed.

someday

well, today was hard, but I rose to the challenge, and at least I don't have to do it again tomorrow, biking over five miles in the rain both to and from the school [touches earpiece] what's that?

pinnacle suburban volk entertainment in walker, texas ranger

Flavor Flav has invited the U.S. women's hockey team to Las Vegas to celebrate their Olympic victory. This comes after the team declined Donald Trump's invitation to attend the State of the Union.

Mt Sinai has followed NYU Langone in blatantly violating NY state and NYC law by stopping provision of gender affirming care to trans youth. Seriously, what are @mayor.nyc.gov, @newyorkstateag.bsky.social, and @governor.ny.gov going to do about this? www.advocate.com/health/trans...

City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Jorts

bluesky where is the not safe for telepathy setting

Don’t even tell me about the Watchtower unless we are all along it

In my defense, when I called everyone in the zoom meeting oblivious idiots, I thought I was on mute.

‘If it is not right, do not do it. If it is not true, do not say it.’ - Marcus Aurelius

so trees gain weight by inhaling & incorporating CO2, and we humans lose weight by producing & exhaling CO2