“Excellent work, 47”

I'm very patriotic about fucking it up in the last 5 minutes, as God intended

You know who to blame for this, folks

They’re calling it the dullest match ever played

Just learned about snap judgements. Fucking awful idea.

Gal Gadot’s Imagine taught us nothing

I feel like I’m owed money

I can’t believe Sam Reich invented the Circles of Hell from first principles

[Ducktales theme] 🎵When shall we three meet again 🎵Here in 🎵Scot-land

Neapolitan 🍦

PowerBall is coming to the UK! If you want a taste of it, this is how much I’d won after playing it 2.5 million times perthirtysix.com/tool/lottery...

Alfred Nobel established the Nobel Prize after wake up call: newspapers mistakenly published his obituary when his brother died & what he read as his legacy horrified him speaking ill (factually) of the dead is literally the most effective way to curb living racist & Nazi public figures/politicians

Bored and not having a great time of it. Ask me some stuff if you fancy it. ngl.link/undeniablyal...

They should have a World Cup but for sexualities

He was right to shove that man to the ground. It was self-defence. Everyone has the right to bear arms.

It’s two nil in my heart x

Instead of penalties, all players except the goalkeepers should leave the pitch. Just the keepers chucking the ball back and forth at each other.

POV your monastery is cooked

This is what happens when Norway go back to the dressing room. They relax into their natural state as pencil sketch animations

We’re merely exchanging long protein strings

Hey guys meta announced a new policy where they send a killer to get you so be sure to go to settings>my account > killer> disable killer to turn that off

I watch serious television shows

I am the most patriotic Belgian to not be Belgian

RENÉ MAGRITTE! GILLES DE COSTER! MATTEO SIMONE! 🇧🇪🇧🇪🇧🇪

Elbow tribute act called Knee

Everyone wish the birthday boy happy birthday x

Brothers and sisters the pressures of the world want to blind you this eternal truth- you always have the power to make the most excellent sandwich possible. They want you to rush . Take time to add crunch God gave you lunch. Snack Life is Real life.

Genuinely one of the most vile failings of our time is the normalisation of asking questions like this under the guise of “legitimate concerns”

“They” don’t want you to know this, but you can just put a little toothpick and olive into sandwiches you make at home. You don’t need a license.

i downloaded a font to make this

ITV Commentator: “and worth saying the next major tournament will be taking place in England!” [after a slight hesitation] “…and the rest of the United Kingdom as well” [after another panicked hesitation] “…and also the Republic of Ireland”

youtu.be/UWFnOdU33MQ?... On balance, this might be the most annoying advert ever made

Stats fans, I need some help: I’m trying to work out the odds of getting a successful roll with 5 normal six-sided dice, where a success is either: - Rolling a pair of 1s (or more) - Rolling a pair of 6s (or more) - Rolling at least one 1 and one 6 Danke!

Mind you, they’re all by-elections when I run in them.

I would like to announce my retirement from Clacton-on_Sea. I'm proud to announce I'm re-standing for Clacton-on-Sea.

love him or loathe him, there's one thing you absolutely can't deny about Nigel Farage: he's a cunt

Thinking Bonobos are onto something

Dish to the spoon:

I turned 32 yesterday, which as someone with a computing degree should be a significant number. Some goals for the year ahead: - Publish a card game - Start collaborating on a book - Take my solo show to the UK - Write for Guy Mont Spelling Bee - Get a format commissioned - Do a pull-up

I’m going to be 32 in an hour or so. It’s hard to celebrate, I lost my grandmother a few days ago. I’d been worried about her dying for a long time. Last Xmas I changed my middle name to hers so she knew I’d always carry her. So that’s my duty now. And I’m thankful to have it. - Alex Elizabeth

Finding Mr. Christmas deserves to be on everyone's reality TV radar. No other show is matching this energy.

I love Severance

I find it incredibly funny that in Kermode and Mayo’s review of ‘Nirvanna the Band the Show the Movie’, Simon Mayo’s only contribution after 10 minutes is “well surely if you say Nirvana are in the movie and they aren’t that is illegal??”

If England end up playing against France then Pret A Manger is totally fucked

A VPN?! Back in my day the only thing you could get by proxy was Munchausen.

Love a good schism, it’s been a while

some amazing things happening over on threads — ever since they “shut down CERN”

[Clinically Depressed Grieving Woman] guys have you ever noticed how many good songs REM have?

Last Trailer Before Movie Inexplicably For A Car