My digital ID card: this… but digital.

Car thieves watching a DVD in the 2000s

Right side of brain: constantly trying to think of dumb things and jokes to distract from current world events. Left side of brain: in constant state of existential dread from current world events. Little bit in the middle: 🎵 IF YOU LIKE PINA COLADAS

Do you know what mystery deserves a 12 part deep dive. Black Forest/Chocolate Gateaux. Was the top tier desert of every family friendly/fancy eatery for years, millennium hits and 💨 just like that, it’s gone.

If Halloween movies were like Christmas movies. Haley Ween is a go-getting lawyer specialising in trick-or-treat fraud who doesn't need any man living or undead to make her happy. But she wasn't banking on running into pumpkin farmer Raymond Pumpkin-Spice who's about to teach her the true meaning of

Tylenol causes Autism in the same way guns cause lasting peace and stability you moronic backward fuck nuggets.

Why are you covered in jam? I pumped it up. You… Pumped it up. *opening mouth Bike pump. *we both continue to eat our toast in silence.

Good luck whoever’s next to me for the rapture tomorrow. You’re gonna hear my Velocirapture joke I’ve been working on A LOT on the way up.

Why are you covered in jam? I pumped it up. You… Pumped it up. *opening mouth Bike pump. *we both continue to eat our toast in silence.

Dutch late night TV has its take

This is the point where humanity, as a species, peaked...

I’m 55 in January. This made me roar like a three year old.

Art. Purest, highest art.

Just seen the script for Disney’s Andor remaster: Cassian gazes up at the enormous face of Palpatine. Two gin-scented tears trickle down the sides of his nose. But it’s all right, everything is all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved the Galactic Empire.

Just seen the script for Disney’s Andor remaster: Cassian gazes up at the enormous face of Palpatine. Two gin-scented tears trickle down the sides of his nose. But it’s all right, everything is all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved the Galactic Empire.

Just saw Mario turned 40 this week and so, once again, I present to you: the first level of Super Mario but all the sound effects are farts.

For anyone wondering where they can get Melania’s hat from, currently £50 on eBay.

When your paralysis demon turns up to an event, but you just keep smiling through it.

When you're pissed because you turn up to a party thinking being the hat guy is your thing.

david lynch, oil on board #davidlynch #portrait #cultmovies #twinpeaks #mulhollanddrive #oilpainting #oilpaint #dune #painting

Phone just reminded me of the greatest truck I have ever seen.

Say what you will about Kash Patel on the stand but that bit where he interrupts the proceedings to offer a better nights sleep or your money back was seamless. Just like better night sleep mattresses. When I take the stand I want to know my mattress isn’t going to stop me from lying OR lieing. 😉

If you see this, quote with the energy you bring to Bluesky

Purging some of the awfulness and putting some joy into your timelines with this ultimate movie dance compilation. There’s still good in the world. ♥️ 🕺

Purging some of the awfulness and putting some joy into your timelines with this ultimate movie dance compilation. There’s still good in the world. ♥️ 🕺

Finally about to board a plane after being at the airport this morning after, due to a crew member being rushed to hospital (fair play), they held a hunger games style lottery for people to not board, because legally they have to have so many crew members per passenger ratio (fair play). Was wild.

Future Company: We brought some alien specimens back on a ship we’ve mysteriously lost contact with. If you could just maybe go investigate… Me: Sure, let me just grab one of our company torches that flickers randomly and I’ll make sure I’ll start at the wet corridor with the weird noises.

Here’s the Pokémon intro recreated using only stock footage. Enjoy.

Here’s the Pokémon intro recreated using only stock footage. Enjoy.

Who is the vigilante known as Banksy and what does this mean for the citizens of Gotham?

A happy 60th birthday to 'Psycho'.

Oooo for any Beatles fans in I just ate in the pasta place they used to love and it is incredible. For anyone interested it’s on Penne Lane.

"And more" here including @adamlarter.bsky.social, @alwinsol.bsky.social, Barney Curtis, @benvolchok.bsky.social, @brainmage.bsky.social, @joznorris.bsky.social, @matthighton.bsky.social, @weaselspoon.bsky.social, Steve Pretty and @tommayhew.bsky.social, some of whom are also proxying for the Board.

Reader, the Americans lost the Vietnam war…bigly

Chipocalypse Now sounds like the worst chippy in your uni town but it was the one nearest the student union bar.

Grok, I’m about to declare war on my own country. I need an image of me like I’m in Apocalypse Now but also don’t miss the metaphor I’m setting my ass on fire.

hello my baby hello my honey

DM: ‘You come to large wooden door.’ Cat: ‘I knock at the door.’ DM: ‘An orc opens it and asks you to come in.’ Cat: ‘I do nothing.’ DM ‘He asks you to come inside again.’ Cat: ‘I do nothing.’ DM: ‘Eventually the orc tires and closes the door.’ Cat: ‘I knock at the door.’

The question for me is when did a fall into the coma and why is my mind creating THIS awfully naff reality?

All they had to do was not be the Tories. 🤦‍♂️

I don't think I've ever posted this on here? But this is one of my favourite videos, I ever made. Just 2 dumb minutes of Tom Cruise sliding. Enjoy.

On the same day in the Telegraph:

Thinking about how many turtles are killed just so I can win one Mario Kart race.

Say what you will about this guy, but during his time in the military he really earned his stripes and a badger honour.

Me: I can change them…

America: We're moving Space Command to

You know what, fair play to Scooby Doo villains. They walk into a room dressed as a ghost, see a talking dog on its hind legs making the world’s biggest sandwich and somehow manage to stay in character.

Just seen a script of the language Metas old AI developed (and was shutdown for) and, well, I know a Chuckle Brother’s bit when I see it.