Can’t believe this has led to this, what is wrong with me??

So, for the last 2 1/2 years I’ve had a job making silly stuff for LEGO. It was GREAT, coincided with my son being born and was essentially the first “real” full time job I’ve had in over a decade. I’m now back looking for stuff. Thought I’d put it out here. Never know what it’ll lead to. 🤷‍♂️

For whatever reason this is doing the rounds again. Have a giggle everyone.

It’s mini egg season mutha fuckkkaaaaassss!!!!

Stranger Things spinoff series with these three where they travel round in a pizza van Scooby Doo style solving crimes.

Broke all of my resolutions already. *God raise an eyebrow. Commandments, sorry. Commandments. *neighbours Ox shakes head.

Your recyclables…give them to me, now.

What year is it? What of bins? WHAT OF BINS?

Just give it a second before walking over everyone. We’ve shot 2025 in the face, but everything I know from films says it’ll pop back up for one last scare.

In your face 2025!!!!

Getting older means getting Happy New Year wishes earlier and earlier. Anyway should have sent this hours ago. Happy New Year everyone.

Toddler just ran up to my wife and said “Happy New Year” then instantly farted. Perfect timing. No notes. 😂

It has been The Onion's best year since we broke Watergate and subsequently, personally had Richard Nixon removed from office. I'm going to share some personal favorite stories in this thread. Please add your own, and visit the Our Annual Year recap below. theonion.com/our-annual-y...

Me, having all year to break the twelve month curse from last new year, looking at the clock with a big sigh “right I really need to finish this now”.

Okay body, today’s gonna be tough. We have a lot of chocolate to get through so we can start the new year right. You’re gonna say no more. You’re gonna wanna quit. You’re gonna see things that aren’t really there. But goddamit you’re the only one who can get the job done.

UK Stranger Things. The exact same plot but it’s five seasons of them spitting in Adidas tracksuits and telling upside down things to fuck off.

UK Stranger Things. The exact same plot but it’s five seasons of them spitting in Adidas tracksuits and telling upside down things to fuck off.

Kings of Leon did predict this tbf 😬

Have taught my toddler the following attacks: Tickle Cuddle Ba-Ba-Boom Fire Breath Toddler parenting CAN also be like Pokémon training if you work hard enough. The toughest part is finding other parents willing to battle you.

another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls

Me, a physicist, watching the kids screaming as they open their last present: well there was a 50/50 chance for the cat, but here we are.

If you begin Star Trek: Voyager episode Spirit Folk at exactly 11:49:35 on New Year's Eve, Ensign Harry Kim will kiss a cow as the clock strikes midnight. Join in a very dumb annual tradition and start 2026 off on the right hoof.

The holiday limbo days hath begun.

Well, it’s the day after Wallace and Gromit rode again – and it’s the 31st anniversary of the first appearance of the greatest sound effect in the history of the motion picture, so here’s the story of how (I found out how) they made it...

What if we’ve all died, loaded our consciousness into a simulation, but we’re the low-mid tier subscription, so we don’t get ads, but also we don’t get a version of paradise… And other thoughts like these today at the dinner table.

Such a beautiful story of an enduring friendship. Do read.

My brain right now.

The family watching me go back to get a nineteenth helping of leftovers.

A Home Alone prequel, similar to Wolverines origin story, where the Wet Bandits escape a military complex after an experiment robs them of their memories, but also renders them indestructible. Pursued by the authorities, with nothing to their name they turn to a life of crime.

The scariest Christmas story: Twas the night before Christmas, And all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, Except for A DRACULA

Is there anything more wholesome than baking gingerbread? ☺️

Can’t believe Hollywood didn’t go for my Christmas film where a bunch of wartime children are transported by a witch to a magical land of wardrobe’s, through the anus of a lion.

New Paralysis Demon unlocked.

Please, please Frankenstein was my father’s name. Just call me Monster.

My wife’s family pausing the Christmas music: Your entire life you thought she was singing to a baby Santa? I mutter something about magic and boss baby. We continue eating in silence.

My first solo show in over a decade. Come experience the weirdness. Tickets here: fane.co.uk/dan-schreiber MARCH - 15 Coventry, 16 Salford, 18 Brighton, 27 Edinburgh APRIL - 7 Nottingham, 9 London

Some of the best wrist action I've ever seen. (at 46 seconds) ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Eight years ago today I took this picture of a hummingbird.

As ever, is it really Christmas until Mr Blobby saves the Nakatomi Plaza?

The 2025 Headline of the Year Nominees 🧵

Look this can be a cynical place and yessssssss you might say I’ve been drinking but a Merry Christmas to all of you, a little bit of cheer can travel the world. Keep being good ❤️ *falls over in drunk

As ever, is it really Christmas until Mr Blobby saves the Nakatomi Plaza?

My son, huddled by the fire asks me again: Father what was the world like before Whamageddon? He should know. So, I answer: We did not cower, son. We did not fear. Then we heard his fell voice on the air and all was ash and knitwear. We gave him our hearts, but the very next day HE wanted more...

Last-minute gig idea! A knock-off VHS that looks a bit like a classic Disney cartoon:

I don’t know how to identify a bad parent anymore. But sweeties, you’re doing great!

And to anyone who saw my previously now deleted post I have been singing that song wrong all day 🤦‍♂️

You’re allowed one cartoon skill (like running on air before you fall) what do you choose?

here’s an Elon Musk Christmas Tale. Merry Xmas everyone ❤️