Little Greenis
@durtmchurtt.bsky.social
📤 4735
📥 187
📝 941
Jerkules.
Just like these fake flowers, my love too will never die.
about 1 month ago
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RIP The Platters, you would have loved charcuterie boards.
about 2 months ago
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FRIEND: *eating* soda crackers aren’t too bad. ME: well, some of us are ok I guess.
about 2 months ago
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Little Greenis
josh (oldfriend99)
about 2 months ago
My dentist can do it all, from a simple cleaning to identifying my charred remains
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Gonna try a new pun on for sighs.
about 2 months ago
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Little Greenis
Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazy™️
over 2 years ago
“Sorry, I have to take this call." "That's a banana. And it's half eaten." *covers banana with hand "I don't tell you how to do business."
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You’ll never convince me this piece of popcorn is a colonel.
2 months ago
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Little Greenis
DaddyJew
3 months ago
nice try your honor, but I too brought a gavel
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Kinda bullshit that only Phils get their own harmonic orchestras.
2 months ago
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Little Greenis
Seamus O'Flaugherty
8 months ago
This kinda sucks because I was well prepared to kick ass in a post apocalyptic hellscape in my 20s and now that I'm in my 50s I'm only suited to be a maniac warlord or reclusive enigmatic hermit who'll only help the resistance if they can convince me their motives are pure
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Ygrene
over 1 year ago
i pause in the middle of the street fight, only to eat a handful of candy corn and then return to fighting, noticeably more powerful
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[burglar breaks into my home] ME *recently started taking karate*: Hey asshole! Hold this board.
2 months ago
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People all over the world fighting for land and bananas somehow have their own republic.
2 months ago
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Stopped ingesting microplastics, this year I’m only eating macroplastics.
2 months ago
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Once again a chick magnet has thrown off my chick compass.
2 months ago
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In heaven, all pubs have a post to lean on beside every urinal.
2 months ago
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If you solve these riddles three, you may try one piece of brie.
3 months ago
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Little Greenis
Dave Cactus
10 months ago
When a baby is about to be born, someone always has to boil water. It's for the baby's first hot dogs.
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Uncle Duke
3 months ago
BECOME UNGOVERNABLE
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If there are no Caucasian animals then explain Animal Crackers.
3 months ago
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Little Greenis
kate bush’s husband
3 months ago
Fuck it I don’t care anymore
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Little Greenis
Viktor Winetrout
about 1 year ago
New Year’s resolutions: 1) Eat healthier 2) Spend more time outdoors 3) Escape from the research facility
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Little Greenis
d.ly
about 1 year ago
child custody rap battle
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Whatever, I’ve had fancier feasts.
3 months ago
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Your honour, I was driving a trailblazer, I was simply blazing a new trail. JUDGE: you drove through a petting zoo.
3 months ago
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Little Greenis
andy vs.
3 months ago
You should be able to rev your shopping cart at people in the grocery store
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Little Greenis
Greg the Miller
3 months ago
“eating well” lol have you heard of vitamins
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Little Greenis
Uncle Duke
3 months ago
as the prophecy foretold
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Showing my support to the LGTBQ community by switching to homo milk.
3 months ago
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Little Greenis
Pru
3 months ago
Jamiroquai when Jamiro vewwy sad
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Little Greenis
Dropped Mike
about 1 year ago
me: don’t mind me, I’m just taking a gander petting zoo employee: please put the goose down
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Little Greenis
Jon Drake
over 1 year ago
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you don’t know about. Attack them. Now they’re fighting two battles
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Little Greenis
Jason, ex Inferis
3 months ago
no chatgpt for me, thanks. i will be asking Zoltar
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[minding my p’s and q’s] p q q q p q p p q p q p p q 🤔
3 months ago
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You telling me orcas poop? Whale shiiiiiittttt.
3 months ago
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I’ll save this for later *puts hotdog behind my ear like a cigarette*
3 months ago
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Little Greenis
Dumb Beezie
3 months ago
I smoke weed on my porch to let the other weeds know what I’m capable of
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Little Greenis
Alex Blechman
3 months ago
Welcome to 60 Minutes. Our top story tonight is Snakes: Nature’s Spaghetti
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Little Greenis
presentdad🙋🏻♂️
3 months ago
LITTLE LAMB: do you hear what i hear SHEPHERD BOY: holy shit a talking lamb
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As I get older it’s getting harder and harder to shake AC/DC all night long.
3 months ago
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➖➖➖has➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖and➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖to➖➖➖➖➖➖
3 months ago
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Little Greenis
DaddyJew
3 months ago
if you’re not wrapping presents for me, you’re wrapping them against me
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Little Greenis
Robert Manchild
over 1 year ago
[Santa dislocating both shoulders to slither down your chimney]
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If I win the lottery I’m gonna hire a skywriter to write “how do I land this thing?”
3 months ago
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Why a guilty verdict and not a hearing loss?
3 months ago
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Imagine having beef with Olive, the other reindeer.
3 months ago
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Little Greenis
Amish Super Model
over 1 year ago
“Alright, fine! I’ll put it on. But I swear to God, if the sleeves are too long, someone’s getting eaten!”
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Look pal, if you don’t like my Subaru puns we can take this Outback.
3 months ago
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Little Greenis
It's Abby. Yep
over 2 years ago
What idiot called that little narc Elf on the Shelf and not Police Navidad?
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