I laughed very hard!

Current mood

Why are all my Instagram ads suddenly STOP USING LIQUID FOUNDATION, YOU MIDDLE AGED HAG!!!! (I have worn foundation maybe 5 times in my life and certainly not in the past decade)

X, preemptively irritated: Do you want to give us another lecture about not using AI? Me, irritated: What could I possibly say that is going to make anybody else care about destroying the environment? I can only be responsible for myself. That was a fun meeting!

Everything changes ❤️

J just did something and I said, “That wasn’t very cash money of you” and he said, “What in the actual fuck are you talking about?” And I laughed so hard that I farted. Then l laughed more. Happy International Women’s Day!

It is a “pancakes for breakfast” morning

If you have a union, when your boss does this you are allowed to knock him out and leave him splayed on the clean kitchen floor. Unionize your workplace today. www.nytimes.com/2026/03/07/d...

I am rereading Death at the Sign of the Rook by Kate Atkinson. Exciting update: I still love this book!

It looks like my dad is keeping my mom hostage but really he doesn’t want her to fall down the icy front steps

Normal conversation to have in 2026

Lost about 6 months of open browser tabs in a MacOS update that had a hiccup. I'm sad but also relieved, like this is a new day, free from the burdens of yesterday. I can do anything I want; be anything I want to be. I think I'm going to eat some carbs and go back to bed.

Absolutely beautiful

Another successful morning of guided meditation. Voice: Forgiveness is the act of giving up hope for fixing the past. Me, in my head: Bitch, I know what forgiveness is.

If I wrote these words, I would walk into the sea

Look, I wasn’t going to say anything but I was specifically asked for my reaction and the words “That is truly one of the dumbest fucking things I’ve ever heard” flew out of my mouth

My mom, ending a phone call with me: Well, that’s all of my bullshit for today 🤣

Why not have a flood at work, as a little treat

I was listening to a James Acaster podcast to calm down and then he started talking about getting in a near fatal car accident [hysterical laughter]

Going back roads to work because at least maniacs won’t be going 80 mph on the black ice (only 50!)

What happens when you tell me to “look on the bright side” of getting home after driving in freezing rain

One of the custodians at J’s school was set to retire at the end of this school year after 3 decades. Sadly, he will not. As always, my message is to work less.

[loud, exasperated swearing]

Today we got to analyze the tone of his response! “Thank you for your 3rd email in as many days.” Me: Is he really thanking me? X: No, he wants to punch you. Me: Correct! How do you know that?

Unhinged queen!!!

I would like to go back to San Juan

I laughed very hard because I’m also a ding dong

Kurt is out here protesting the strike on Iran as a wag-the-dog distraction from Trump's scandals and failures at home. His sign: “No War. No Pedos”

Me, screaming like a fool: I hope no one left a cake out in the rain!!

Wrote another email to my state’s rep for the required curriculum I cannot wait to fall out of fashion. If someone sent me that email, I’d like to think the shame of being associated with that product would make me resign.

The world is on fire, yet I share this personal victory Insurance adjustment = THAT’S WHAT I FUCKIN’ THOUGHT

Post a pic you took, no context, to bring some Zen to the feed

Where is your God now

One of my favorites from a liquor store near an old apartment

Children finishing a group project on Friday afternoon = one group of lovable ding dongs goofing around for 25 minutes and then screaming in panic. X: Miss!! I feel like we are in that baking show where people have meltdowns!!

Shout out to the admissions person who let me know I’d submitted the wrong letter of rec for someone. I hope the universe treats her well!

Kids discussing Emma X: What’s the main theme of this book? Y: Rich people are terrible? Me: [makes a hmmmm face] Z: People are selfish and only help other people by accident? [I make the same face] Q: Why use one adjective when five will do? [I laughed at that one]

Tweaked my back this morning and really hope the lidocaine patch and ibuprofen ward off anything more 🤞🏼🤞🏼

Good luck to ya!

Why not wait until MIDNIGHT to call a snow day?! Keep everybody guessing!!!!

I'm not asking for much I just think everyone who makes it so a subscription has mandatory auto-renewal should be hit by a car.

Dinosaurs *love* taking photos (Was deleting phone photos and saw this gem)

In case we lose power, I am baking emergency cookies now

Is that a lot

My in-laws never took care of the generator my parents gave them & didn’t bring it when they moved. My sister-in-law just texted that they’ve lost power so they are shutting their phones off. Never occurred to them to buy a power bank? I don’t understand how adults can be so unprepared for life.

My district and the two other districts that always like to wait to cancel even after the governor has already declared a state of emergency

I’m gonna say this is will be a two-day work week (à la the insane winter of 2015)

When we used to be able to walk to the bar after work (and take the bus home)

Watergate pie (no nuts, though!) Pistachio pudding, crushed pineapple, pineapple juice, and Cool whip poured into a graham cracker crust! This is a dessert i originally enjoyed after a long day of learning phonics and praying for the hostages in Iran (aka “first grade”)