I love this tree

Thought of this again and nearly fell out of my chair laughing

I can’t remember a goddamned thing these days, so when I said, “Because I love ya” to J about some minor thing, he laughed and reminded me that I was mimicking Chunk here

You know the vibes

Fuck it, this is the year I get a two-piece bathing suit

Could a depressed person do this? [laughs hysterically]

J made the most delicious mistake: inadvertently doubled our Indian food order!!!

There are lots of mysteries in this photo

Your girl passed the class!!!

X: Miss, I hate this assignment. Me, wearily: You’re not alone, but I need a job. And with that, I got a big smile from X!

"We're ending the war on protein," "whole milk is back." I guess that's probably really amazing news if you're stupid

This is surprisingly relevant again

Phone is in SOS mode and I can’t get it out. Am ready to check if hurling against a tree will fix it

Just got a bill for $250 for an eye appointment I had 7 months ago; you love to see it!!!

I started watching Instagram reels (shut up) of a girl who helps her friends do manageable tasks they’ve been avoiding for years (organizing a pantry, cleaning a bathroom closet, etc). I enjoy it tremendously.

My dad: The only girl your Uncle S ever had eyes for before he married his bride … was the daughter of another donut shop owner!!! Me: Was it a RIVAL donut shop?! Was it like Romeo and Juliet?! My dad, laughing: No, you IDIOT! [pause] they mostly had commercial accounts

Me: How’d you like the game? My dad: YOU KNOW IT MAKES ME HAPPIER TO SEE SOME TEAMS LOSE THAN MY TEAM WIN!!!

If I don’t have to read it and it’s not holding my attention after 20ish pages, we part ways. I’m going to be dead someday! I don’t have infinite time to read stuff I don’t like!

Is “Big if true” an appropriate response to “X said you are a huge bitch”???

You know the vibes

I used two gift cards to buy cloche hats and the hats are adorable. That’s all I got today!

My summary: fuck you I won’t do whatcha tell me

I can’t repeat what my dad said he’s hoping to see happen to Aaron Rodgers tomorrow but please know I laughed for 3 minutes after he shouted it

“They can’t all be winners” I say as I do the minimum on the final project to pass this class; please universe, just let me slide by with an 80

Just found out the dive bar where I spent my 20’s sold their liquor license to “a new upscale chain the Seaport” and burst into tears. I know I still have my memories, but that place truly changed my life.

Maybe I will watch the Super Bowl with my dad this year? Effbook memories got me in my feelings

I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve also been physically attacked at work. My response was to go to therapy, reflect, make some changes with some things that I can control, and then move on with my life.

the discourse on what jobs are acceptable to replace with generative AI reveals a lot about what we think of other people's jobs

Is this the meal of a mentally well person? [gestures at the bowl of mashed potatoes that is my dinner]

If Chicago Pope ends up excommunicating this clown, I might start believing in a higher power after all.

This was a fun winter

Do other people use the phrase “fumble fucking around”?

“I let my students AI and they love it!” Cool, I bet they do love having more time not to learn the content and skills in your class while also destroying the environment JFC AYFKMWTS

Will never stop singing “we have a two-hour delay” to tune of “she wore a raspberry beret” 🎵🎶🎵

Mentally, I am here

The Good Place

The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: Las Vegas campus

Caught up with my neighbor as we were shoveling last night’s ice before tonight’s freezing rain arrives. Asked him about the holidays. “Oh, we had a good time. [pause] I lost my job 3 weeks ago though, and haven’t told the kids yet.” I felt terrible for him.

Watched Hitchcock’s Topaz last night; J and I both shouted “0.0!!” when this guy appeared on screen

Having a normal one over here (thinking about death)

It shouldn't be lost among all the war criming what a massive dork Hegseth is. "Kinetic Strikes" and "Battle Rhythm" are terms from a fad workout program in the late 90s whose founder eventually went to jail for tax fraud.

Reminder for everyone operating at situationally-diminished capacity.

I’ve completed 50% of the class I need to do by the end of January! (Enjoying that while ignoring the 30 other things I told myself I would do during my vacation goddess bless)

forget the long arc of history bending towards justice, I need the rube goldberg machine of inexorable consequence to endgame the kind of profoundly ironic yet blackly hilarious karmic downfall that would’ve had ancient greek theatergoers hollering at the chorus

“No, it’s fine, just throw it in the street” - what I imagine is someone’s internal monologue as they toss a Christmas tree into the street

I am taking a class this month and the first module had readings about findings like "retaining a strong sense of identity is actually good" and "society should stop disparaging other cultures and languages because it's harmful."

Effbook just reminded me of this gem❤️ I live with a talented troubadour who just serenaded me with this romantic original: “I am right!/You are wrong!/That is the gist/of my little song!" [picture me giving the side eye right now]

That’s it, I’m going for a walk (I was going to go 90 min ago but was going to read “just one more chapter” of Deanna Raybourn’s Kills Well With Others)

I watched the Changing of the Guard episode of The Twilight Zone (season 3, episode 34 on Tubi) and it made me cry because I am a sentimental fool ❤️