🎶You can't tan the hide of your lyin' eyes

i watch the mister bean turkey head episode every christmas eve

Santa came to my door. I explained to him that I ate all the cookies and that he should leave.

You have entered the realm of sartorial exchange; you may not depart until you have swapped one or more garments.

I'd like a reboot of Christmas past.

I sure hope Santa comes because I didn’t shop or wrap!

Merry Christmas (derogatory)

the oklahoma nightmare creature

scrooge is about to meet the ghost of christmas kicks your ass

watched santa clause get eaten by a dragon when he flew over the forest tonite

Eating my Christmas dinner in the garden after getting into an argument with my younger cousins who believe or are pretending to believe that the grinch was “so real” for not shaving “that thang”

we got a guy making a mess in the bar, says he’s the king of all birds, he’s not with you guys right?

Gifted a candle that drips a sludge type substance I can lick just before bed and fall into a deep and dreamless slumber

They should bring back these kind of antics at rural train stations

Santa has contracted E. Coli after too many people left raw milk out for him

that type of shit i’m on

Santa has no bones

leaving a full pot roast dinner and a guinness out for santa, so he can kick back and chill for a bit

"Triceratops implies the existance of Tricerabottoms." I say to myself as zip my son into his dinosaur onesie.

*Happy Christmas Eve!

Anyone who didn’t deactivate in 2024 deserves their content stolen by Grok

gnome and his cat after he’s eaten his bowl of porridge on Christmas Eve 🖼️ jenny nystrom

had my annual bowl of porridge and now drank one million milligrams of magic mushroom tea, finally feels like christmas

bro, stop being a cotton headed ninny-muggins

Eat. It. All. #MerryChristmas #Art by Rob Stanley

A woman’s place is in the stocking

The existence of Tiny Tim implies the existence of Massive Timothy

Handcrafting little ornaments of you guys to hang up on my tree based on how you appear to me in dreams

Dracula sticking his dick into a jar of minced garlic while a werewolf whips him

Listening to all the classics. You know, “How Much for that Puppy in the Window”, Nickelback, Mariah Carey’s Christmas song played at 80% speed, “Puff the Magic Dragon”, Bing Crosby. No I’m not insane

If anyone is looking for any last minute gifts for mom.

HONTDOOOOOOG I vE Got YoU NOW

the trade off to smoking too tough and fucking too good is that you are constantly getting a little tummy ache

all i want for christmas is for pigeons to be loved and cared for again

Dax Frost, nipping at my nose, vile pervert he is,

I’m not obsessed with goofy’s urine, you’re obsessed with goofy’s urine!

making a nuclear weapon with my piss but the doctor said it’s just too much ‘sparagus probably.

Sorry for earnestposting but you guys could never win the pharaoh’s gold and his pyramid would eat you alive

The song Feliz Navidad is like a Rosetta Stone for two words of Spanish

Growing cowboys in a lab to fight the bison men

Angelina Mole Lee

I have a bunch of progrock guys telling me “yes yes yes” all the time

Please @jay.bsky.team -san! Save us from these terrible Yokai!

did those blue people in avatar have sex by connecting their braids together or did we all just hallucinate that

Northern Mockingbird Berry, berry good context... (Sorry)