The woods are lovely, dark and deep, But I have promises to keep, And hamburger to help before I sleep, And hamburger to help before I sleep.

have fun dying underground like a mole i'm gonna try to catch a falling nuke in my arms

Going through his unlocked phone and getting mad, that he gets no hoes

Blexas? Brontosaurus Texas

Doing shots of chocolate almond milk

I always hope for this.

Cumslaw

Doctor: you have wet cow bug disease madness

i run alongside memories like pacing ghost trains

But I'm Gnome Bones, and I'm filled with weed & liquor, and maybe one bologna Lunchable?

confession time i'm the one who has been going around putting all those little puppet boys in the whales

Ladies. I am posting the most important information I can teach you as an absolute sex pest and pervert.

How it feels to call someone a stupid bitch for using ChatGPT

pre-gaming my sworn deposition at the titty bar

When the moon hits my eye like a big pizza pie, that’s reflection.

bring back dwarf wrestling

always store your cheese above the body parts in your fridge so blood doesn’t drip on the cheese

gnome bones are filled with whimsy instead of bone marrow

your honor, i only drank a goblet of whimsy

never leave home without your whimsy

a drunken halfling was found dumpster diving behind wendys

what if we just started lighting stuff on fire?

im the reigning gnome blueberry eating champion cause i can eat two whole blueberries in under an hour

my chia pet eventually grew into a blood sucking monster and scuttled off into the woods one nite

i smoke marlboro pinks and shrimp champagne

magnum cum load

I journeyed to the Land In Which Water Falls. A lot of water fell.

the meowings will continue long after meowrale has improved

always store your cheese above the body parts in your fridge so blood doesn’t drip on the cheese

bring back dwarf wrestling

Rise and shine! It’s time for whimsy! #WhimsyWednesday

Looks like I picked the wrong year to quit eating ergot-contaminated grain

looking for moral clarity inside this bag of donuts

I don’t care that they’re turning ozzy into a hologram. I got bigger hologram problems right now

Does the mailman taste good? I do not think so, but it's not about that. It's about biting the shit out of him

old comic edit by me:

i gotta say, “baby gravy” is like the # 1 worst term to refer to cum

god forbid a guy go for a hike

cool birb i saw today

Eating nothing but canned tuna until I have mercury poisoning.

every dog in the park that doesn’t run up to me to say hello is a terrorist

I am the George Cooper of the Enchanted Forest. Connie, you evil lich.

Putting “emotionally stable” in front of almost any word makes it instantly funny. Emotionally stable raccoon. Emotionally stable gas station. Emotionally stable divorce. Emotionally stable rotisserie chicken.

I'm resuming my evil experiments. I will find out what happens inside of a dishwasher

A scalding hot shower isn’t enough. I need to jump into a volcano.

To celebrate 50K followers, I am going to release a hostage

you know i stay fucked up on bath salts and krokodil so i'm always ready to bite the face off of the first person to say the word blexas at me in real life