I cant really explain it but for practical purposes the new year doesn’t actually start until Monday

When all you have is a dick everything looks like a butt

Good morning to any man of mine! I’m gonna getcha good and find out whos bed your boots been under! From this moment on we dont be stupid. Because when you kiss me, man, I feel like a woman. Ka-ching! You win my love! ::chainsaw noises:: home aint where his heart is!!!

They should make dinner cereal.

🎵I get knocked down! I get knocked down again! And then I’m gonna get knocked down!🎶

Who up hunging they over?

I wish I could be a person who has watched Stranger Things without having to watch Stranger Things.

I remember the first time I heard someone say “its not rocket surgery” and thinking “oh golly that is PEAK humor”. Now I cant even crack a smile unless I see 16 obama themed drag queens repeatedly shouting “four!” as they take turns swinging a wiffle ball bat at kevin sorbos nuts. Kinda like porn

My new years resolution is to get worse.

Corpulent is an underrated word.

A lot of people seem to think artificial intelligence is going to cure natural stupidity but I’ve read enough books about wizards to know how relying on magic to solve your problems works out. Y’all aint gonna fix shit because the root problem is you are lazy, now you’re just lazy with a cool toy

I reheated taco bell for breakfast. Last chance to beat last year’s number and I need at least 2.

Ask not for whom the shit posts. It posts for thee!!!!

Good morning grape seekers!

Gasoline vampires listening to Fuel by Metallica for the first time be like: “wow this is a great song!”

Back in my day the internet wasn’t good for much more than seeing Jill Valentine naked and we were all a lot happier for it.

Ok so I’ve been trying this society thing for long enough that its safe to say its not for me. No thanks. Just gonna stay home and not talk to you people.

Last night at D&D, running decent into avernus, my players, half of which are obsessed with saving the unicorn @ the demon zapper met with Tiamat who offered to kill the big bad for them if they free her AND one player gives her a child. To free her, they gotta kill the unicorn. The party is at war

This shit is fuckin crazy y’all

2026 is going to be the year I finally take back control of my email inbox.

Holy shit! The Mr. Potatohead Beholder I pre-ordered almost a year ago shipped!

Good morning optimists!

An alternative universe where Drake wrote the song “Hotdog Bling” and Kendrick had no one to beef with.

Good morning grandma!

Me: sorry for russian you Wife: you didnt rush me Me: then why are you PUTIN up with my shit?!?

Pac Man was the first horror video game and google is wrong.

Possible interpretations of this skeet. 1. I do not like raisins 2. I like raisins in the wrong way 3. I have a harem of gilfs and this is the nickname I call them

Fuck raisins.

I hereby proffer that mankind has never once had a good idea and neither will ai. All ideas are inherently bad, many even evil.

Pringles are more theatre than they are food.

Skibbidy Rizzmas!

Said to myself whilst reading a book on tantra: “I must find a way to stop christmas from cumming”

Gremlins > Die Hard

Kiss me under the camel toe or whatever

Labubu this and labubu that. How about you la-do-do your job!

For every like this post gets I’ll fart.

Trying to eat some Christmussy… no. Thats not a good one. Dont post this Don.

Good morning haters!

Teaching myself to animate in Krita, didn’t bother learning to draw first.

With my luck even if I did get drafted into the skeleton army I’d end up being the guy whose ribs are used for the xylophone.

Crazy how all the people from Saturday Night Live are all dead right now. It will be cool to see them on Saturday tho.

“Hot dog” being used as the name of a food is honestly a waste. I’d like to go to a “hot dog” or do a little “hot dogging” maybe see a “hot dog show” but I’ll never know what those look like because weiners needed a nick name.

Son of a bitch!!! AGAIN?!?!

Aww but it was almost my turn!!! I’m telling mom.

Me: my art comes from my pain. I stare into the darkness within and shout my defiance through performance. My defiance through performance: ok so like to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars, “farts farts farts, farts and butts, farts and buutttsss”

Good morning art fans!

An alternative timeline where they called it “gooble” and everyone is gooble searching the wob(they also called it the wob).

Good morning sinners!

This skeet was posted in front of a live studio audience