a pod of whales, a murder of crows, a gathering of juggalos, a basic of swifties

I'm not crying I'm just watering my mustache

the Flash jacked off so fast his dick went back in time and fucked his mom making him his own father

there are horse skulls and baked beans orbiting the moon in opposite directions

need a new party trick that doesn't require crashing a moped into a hotdog stand

the 4th Earl of Sandwich had bologna nipples but unfortunately his version of the BLT was mistranslated at the deli counter

tactical gear for pedos sounds kinda redundant

Larry Birdman, Attorney at Ball

your neckerchief has got people asking questions about how you clean up your yoink yoinks

a chocolate rocket is a turd but having rocket chocolate is diarrhea

Lake Titicaca used to be called Lake ShiddyTiddy

can you explain this thigh gap in your resume

one knuckle penis is king until a two knuckle penis shows up

they named the car company Lincoln after their prototype model blew a head gasket

mimes always pull on a rope because they dream of hanging themselves

you used to be able to achieve regional celebrity status for having very pointy elbows or a weird patch of white hair on your knee

my stunt double is a quintuple amputee

teaching an uncontacted tribe how to Dougie

apparently the top activities for amish on rumspringa is visiting Buc-ee's and doing magic eye images

amish barbers use a scythe for a straight razor, no wonder they beards so gnarly

pulling the double A's outta the remote and whispering 'you got one more in ya babe' before reinserting and using that last gasp to play Kangaroo Jack

calling the first base coach a virgin

when I was writing jokes for Carrot Top I gave him a briefcase full of canned meat and told him to say he is looking for an email and then open up his 'spam folder' and a picture of a dick would fall out and then he'd say well I guess it went to my 'junk email'

wearing a fedora to my arraignment and a 3 wolf shirt full howling moon style peeking just barely over my trenchcoat collar, vibing on pure logic as my haters self immolate

you don't miss slime until it's too dry for slime and then you pine for slime and then you slime your pine pining for slime

I was having Suicidal Tendencies so I decided to see Great White live

would you rather lick a public toilet seat or snort a line of fire ants and yes your naked parents are watching you

waterbeds keep me from getting up in the middle of the night to pee since I can just roll over and top it off

Cruella de Vil also had a lab coat

best part of flying a kite is the tug. if you know you know

arm wrestling a photosensitive orphan at high noon

I'd consider bowling a perfect game to be knocking down 4 cans of opened stale ginger ales with a dropped remote

having good soil is important if you think one day you'll have to dig your own grave

watching season 3 of One Punch Man is like checking out one of these book/cassette combos from the library as a kid

any pork chop can be bone-in if you hand it to me

and this is our niece Ballgag Pattycake, she's allergic to super collider interactions that don't promote higgs boson zero spin

wheelchair backflip seems like a good way to end up in a wheelchair

tommyknockers are a type of fartknocker but not all fartknockers are tommyknockers

Thurston Moore after eating pretzels

'lederhosen' is how you say goodbye at a German strip club

snooch that taste like a church basement hotdog

boomerangs are frisbees for lonely folks

lunar megafauna is some of the biggest cheese around so I had to hunt them all to extinction

thinking of starting a rec league Peenies association, anybody wanna join ??

gumby jerkin off while his gummy worm and arm keep getting longer as he pulls

selling a conjoined twin sized bed that's shaped like a ' Y '

the Lesser Antilles have definitely got some form of inferiority complex

Ghost Rider is the hottest leather daddy

particles don't intimidate me but some railroad genius says they should so who knows

everybody's connected when a bobsled is involved. don't trust the autopsy