Wolfman Amadeus Mozart

break dances with wolves

Wondering if Grand Admiral Thrawn was a virgin

if centuries of stories have taught us anything, it's that people go crazy for content about wanting to fuck sea creatures

Going to the cemetery for some beef jerky

list of gay icons

Hippos

bread

🦆 🛹 🦆🦆🦆 you gotta start living

So is California gonna take like a year to count the votes?

Insane in the Maine brain

burrito taxi driver

yes I’m a masochist (eat captain crunch cereal)

The scenes in The Raid: Redemption are pretty much how all the fights I’ve been in went down

Ayuh I seen that lobstah man. Giant pinchas. He was wicked sexy

Sometimes Lewis, dead is bettah

Vaguely remember now that in one episode Xena fought vampires. Also in a different episode she fought the entire Persian army when it invaded Greece (technically the advance force ig)

Hercules: The Legendary Journeys taught me that Greece is a South Pacific country & that all problems can be solved by punching them

Cracking open a hot one with the boys

Zima Warrior Princess

dms, bms, same thing

Red onions? Oh, you mean COMMUNIST onions?!

a six pack of carbonated chicken pot pie

Elves in LOTR poop out of their belly button

Guy who loves money but in a sexual way rather than a pro capitalist way

Oscar Mayer Big & Juicy Weiners (1993-circa 2004): In order to market specifically to a more adult market, Oscar Mayer released a new fleet of "extra-large, vendor-style hot dogs", developed to reflect "regional tastes" and with a major marketing blitz starring George Foreman. Check this 🧵!

Packing extra sandwiches for the road. I hope the road likes tuna fish sandwiches

penis implant surgery went well

Butt mogging my own ass. Butt moggception

Explaining the gap in my resume *fighting cyclopses and centaurs*

Pooping on the clock is great. I wish I always got paid to shit

gooning never dies

I mince veggies not words

King Kong’s burning diarrhea melted a guy

Omg it smells like a 1950s basketball court 🤢

Eugenics to achieve the perfect dad bod

Hiding a watch up my ass?

in fuedal japan, peens had to attend classes so they would know what they were doing and not just flailing away down there raising hell

My moots when I post about goofy’s piss again

Go get help, please. I don't know how long I can hold on.

Why do cats get to enjoy litter boxes while humans are enslaved to the dystopian tyranny of the flush toilet?

Magic? No such thing. Magic otoh . . .

I bet the murderer in Poe’s story “The Telltale Heart” used LinkedIn

inflating my vocal sac to impress a beautiful woman

Deer prey by day and play by night

Barbecued pencils

thinking about him