🎶 it’s all about the she sells seashells on the seashore bullshit 🎶

more and more zoomer men are looksmaxxing to be more like Orville Redenbacher

Setting up Yoda with a divorced grandmother possessing a voracious sexual appetite

The Bone Temple? Oh, you mean your mom?

Brushing your teeth at least once a day is like a BBL for your mouth

I taught my cat Jimmy how to do the default fortnite dance but now he won't stop

stairs r fucked up

eating barbecue chicken with Denethor in the nude

I can see you love scorpions as much as I do

Wormtongue be like- I was kinda going for a Kurt Russell in Escape from NY Vibe. *uruk hai masseuse* Ok

Beautiful 30 something woman who’s a lawyer in NYC, then moves to a small town during the Christmas season, where she’s swept off her feet by Mothman

The virgin shredder infatuation vs the chad, rocksteady & beebopsexual

I love prime numbers. Like 4

erasers r made of titanium

farm tractors r bisexual

Ugnaught Basketball Association

Gimli be like- I’m huge. Like a Pringle can

Kentucky Fried Nazgul

sometimes i want a cheese danish so badly my knees buckle and my eyes , they fill w/ tears dam you, denmark

State of the Goonion

What if instead of Dr. pepper it was Dr. pupper and instead of 23 flavors it had 23 hecking toe beans

Pringle Can filled with leprechaun dust

curious how many other books I can finish while I read Les Miserables

I would’ve survived the story, To Build a Fire

He got that old timey gold prospector dick

these dry turkey sandwiches and dasani will really entice the guests

I think I could be either a pilot, a ship captain, or a race car driver

Asking the doctor "is that your card" as she stares in disbelief at the Ace of Spades in my lung X-ray

A novel written on hotdog skins

I love sewage

I love it

I only serve my guests the finest dasani

*complimentary* your dinner party is much like the battle for Biak in the southwest pacific theater of world war 2 (hot, humid, rats, mortar fire, snipers, tank attack, getting typhus from rats, pooping in a hole, etc)

Racing games make me feel like I’d be a good race car driver

Fucking bullshit that they run out of cars on Grand Turismo 7

this was the best mp3 player ever made. the only person who knows how to repair them is a permanently nude guy who lives in a yurt

Inspector Javert trying to find out if the new mayor is a gooner

My mother warned me about mooks like you.

Admiral Yamamoto be like- I fear we have awakened a sleeping giant hamburger

Pulp Fiction is just pride & prejudice + rashomon for Gen X foot guys

Ser Popeye, of House Sailorman

Throwing knives at a giant gorilla

Apocalypse Now is just a Star Wars movie for boomers

Inside u r two wolves- peepee and poopoo

platybelodon, or elephants that look like shitposts

Inventing a Ted talk about a tv show with 2,000 seasons

steak coated in a glaze of siracha and puréed haribos gummy bears

TV show with 1,400 seasons