>walk into politics store >about to select politician >ask establishment if the candidate is soulless flesh puppet controlled by capital >they don't understand >explain difference between flesh puppet and real human >they laugh and say it's good candidate sir >vote for candidate >its flesh puppet

I've tried to keep it together and keep it quiet but Mrs G and I have had our asses kicked for months and we just found out that her car has a cracked motor block. I'm so sorry but if you have anything to spare, we sure could use some help. Thank you and I love you Vnmo is Scoob84

I've tried to keep it together and keep it quiet but Mrs G and I have had our asses kicked for months and we just found out that her car has a cracked motor block. I'm so sorry but if you have anything to spare, we sure could use some help. Thank you and I love you Vnmo is Scoob84

The haters said I couldn't do it again

We're talking smoked Gouda, roast beef, cappicole, smoked ham, salami, honey ham, and provolone with a generous dollop of Sriracha and honey mustard

Got a sandwich in the works that might pull the nose up on this day yet

Zoomer Dr Seuss voice: OH! The Frames You Will Mog!

It is Tuesday my dudes

elon musk announces that by 2036 the strippers will actually love you

you're being a real hamburger hindrance today

it's probably a good sign for our democracy that every member of congress who has been in the secret epstein document room walks out saying stuff like "every powerful person in the country knew, they're all rapists and pedophiles, they should be tossed into a pit and crushed under boulders"

🎶 the cum police the live inside of my head the cum police they cum to me in my bed the cum police they’re cumming to arrest me, oh no 🎶

Best thing about having a key to the shop is when my insomnia is bad I can just start my day and get it over with

Zoomer Trent Reznor voice: I spiked my cortisol today To see if I still feel

Kendrick should've popped out of those tree costumes like "SAY DRAKE"

I'm very much not his target demographic but the halftime show was perfectly fine. My only complaint is they should make calling Drake a pedophile a running gag in every Superbowl halftime show

playing devil’s advocate, but it is pretty consistent with their christian values to watch pedophiles perform on sundays

Do a fake exhibition game at halftime where one team is the Compton Kendricks and the other is the Canada Drakes. Give them a Globetrotters/Generals dynamic. Each of the ten increasingly ludicrous touchdowns is punctuated by the player doing this to camera:

I'm very much not his target demographic but the halftime show was perfectly fine. My only complaint is they should make calling Drake a pedophile a running gag in every Superbowl halftime show

Go forth and multiply Good morning

When you die God shows you all the funniest posts you ever made and then that's it just nothingness after that

One more trip around the sun, chat

www.patreon.com/posts/why-i-... the digital edition of my first Tijuana bible is now available for purchase for free members and accessible for no fee for paid Patrons! yay!

Baby Toki Tsaturday

Fantastic news reel big fish came on and my wife is tolerating it

Saturdays are for Da Boys

just created a new product i’m calling anablast. not available in stores. in fact it’s highly illegal. i’m going direct to consumer for this one

Zoomer Oasis voice: Someday you will find me Caught beneath a landslide Like a Truly supernova in the sky

fast forwarding through the podcast to get to the casino ads

Zoomer ZZ Top voice: Every they/them's crazy bout a bruh that's looksmaxxing

Zoomer Willie Nelson voice: Mammas Don't Let Your Theybies Grow Up to Be Femboys

Ya know, corporations pay fortunes for the kind of brand recognition I've cultivated

Nice argument, too bad I've already imagined myself as the nonchalant dachshund and you as the relentless bird

I have helped the hamburger that was in the icebox and which you were probably saving for meatloaf Forgive me It was delicious so cheesy and so helped

Me and the homies are gonna slice hot peppers without gloves on and then touch each other's peeholes later if you wanna come through

Scoob is a household name when it comes to cryptid genitalia and memes about squirting

Ya know, corporations pay fortunes for the kind of brand recognition I've cultivated

Normal, but entirely covered in fur. Like full on Chewbacca dick. And it's cultural practice of the Bigfeet to see who can get the most bitchin penis dreadlocks goin.

Do we think Bigfoot has a human penis or is it more of a red rocket situation?

What's scarier: Bigfoot under the thrall of a cursed amulet Or Bigfoot that has been bitten by a werewolf and becomes a wolfBigfoot every full moon?

mr beast snuck into my house and sucked my dick while i was sleeping

Welp that's my Superbowl party prep taken care of* *(Parody do not huff air duster)

Come on give me a break I said lord take me downtown I’m just looking for some cake

those legs are goated they know their leg tech

Zoomer ZZ Top voice: Every they/them's crazy bout a bruh that's looksmaxxing

i have no idea what he said or did now but i trust the cycle

Zoomer Smashing Pumpkins voice: Despite all my rage I am still just a labubu on a keychain

yo but what if instead lf "reel big fish" it was "real big sandwich"