hey make sure you wax the mold and grease the pipes ok

ngl xxx danger sounds kinda fun

BREAKING: Florida cop treated for autism after exposure to tylenol during traffic stop

i put the pee dick in sealy posturepedic

pillowy mounds of mashed potatoes

eating spilled cottage cheese, sexily (redundant, i know)

i heard the new iphone is going to have a new feature where you can speak with someone on your contact list. pretty cool

LIFE-HACK: if relish is unavailable, you can chew up a pickle and spit it out on your hotdog like you're feeding a baby bird

i'm going off-grid (pooping without a phone)

go ahead. try and tell me this guy didn't fuck

just started farting. not sure if it's for me

they should make a game where a goofy dude moves all weird

listen here little one. it's time i told you about dookie

buying penis in bulk. just thought you should know

dracula? more like drankula (because of the whole drinking blood thing)

gouge away at 3:43am just hits different

batman begin

awww u got me a missile drone? that's so sweet!! 🥰😘🥰

can i come over and be a goober?

a very productive morning in terms of seeing bunnies

charlie kirk was fine with being shot, actually

i am not visitor i am void

doing sex tourism at the buc-ee's

he seems concerned

this is nine eleven times a thousand

look at this fuckin thing. awful

i don't care if this person claims to be under 50 yrs old. use of "pantywaist" makes them an honorary baby boomer

i've eaten a lot of cheese today

i think it might be kinda cool to dye my penis blue

you better not be yearning over there 😤

to the tune of "girl you know it's true" by milli vanilli 🎶the piss part is true🎶

there are 7 classes of powered industrial trucks you fool. you absolute buffoon

if you flex really hard right before you get struck by lightning, it won't hurt you

our bodies cannot withstand thousands of pounds of pressure and i think that's dumb

a little kiss on the forehead is a form of first aid

organic peroxides 😍😍😍😍

I do NOT go about making accusations of plagiarism lightly and I would not have taken this public if I thought I had any legal recourse at all, but more than 30 YEARS AGO 'The Bone Temple' is what, when I was a teenager, I named my bedroom

an old lady just threatened to spank me

raw milk is out chocolate milk is in

my coworker keeps saying "this guy judges a book by the cover without even reading the book" thank you, coworker. thank you

you ever feel all soupy and goopy?

doctor said i have too many holes 😞

damb, i wonder what happened to batmans parents

you're not allowed to be horny at wendys

medically speaking, i'm horny as hell rn

my mustache just lowered my standard of living 😞

where we're going, we won't need eyes to see