got a new egg timer. it was $4000

if legs were heads you'd spend em like bees. don't even try to argue

ironic discharge

no, tonight is not going to be a movie. it's gonna be a 1976 made-for-tv film starring john travolta as the boy in the plastic bubble

cranking hog? illegal.

alien james marsden came to me in a dream and spoke to me thru plant vibrations. he said he likes to party

are you a narcan or a narcant?

he never thought twice about becoming an egg. he just did it

i threatened to drown a bot on the hellsite. felt good

you ever eat a person's ear? might be tasty. just throwing that out there

more karl urban please

has there ever been a disco pirate?

when the stock market tanks, but you don't have enough in your retirement fund for it to matter 😎

sundays are for ballsack rejuvination

might watch this movie this weekend

click the link below to get a 3 month free trial for kissing my balls

just replaced all my electrolytes with spiders. i feel great

if i was atlas instead of shrug i would hug

brb building a gundam made of denim

i'm gonna eat this reuben burger

thank you caroline

i'm dr crud now

Darth Vader slices Obi-Murray in their lightsaber duel and Obi-Murray falls into him and whispers “No one will believe you” before disappearing into The Force.

this is what star wars should have been

legal ice cream

sharing some frosty moss i saw this morning

bunks bunney

the "skip lunch so you can leave early" to working overtime with no breaks pipeline

is it ok if i call you a hollywood pretty boy

Ron Cobb, near-forgotten genius political cartoonist. He also did visual design of technology for the first Alien film and countless other scifi movies in the 70s/80s. Including the Weyland-Yutani Semiotic Standard - a visual language used for Nostromo signage.

they got rid of the jackoff room at work 😞

night cream

it's not tuesday. you've been lied to

dingus diaries, a story of redemption

anal bitcoin

log bronc was my nickname in college

me as a historian: the 1960s? a very dumb time

chatgpt told me to wipe standing up

milk crimes.

gonna start saying "kiss my balls, dummy"

i think i trust him

the human body no longer produces pimples after the age of 25

coming right up

unearthed this the other day while cleaning. got a couple other ones here somewhere

thinking about the word pusillanimous again

not just regular cum. space cum

when doing any household chore, i like to complete it by splitting into 27 groups of 3

we don't take kindly to dinosaurs around these parts