Tall people should be illegal

sorry guys i accidentally deleted the spreadsheet with the first drafts of homophobic potato chip brands and it turns out it was somehow load bearing to the entire driving system and the only guy who knows how to fix it got fired in the union busting so

Just two perfectly circular animals

Look I get publishing a broad spectrum of opinions but I already fed them this morning

Actually I did just remember the Frasier episode where the Crane family pretends to be Jewish

Seasonal hot take: almost all Christmas episodes of tv shows are bad

I don’t think anyone actually wants whatever they’re putting in games that makes them take this long to be released

Are you on the side of social media discussing how the $259 cutting board from Ballerina Farms is a rip off or are you normal?

I don’t know anything about law but I’m not convinced it’s jury nullification to say that throwing a sandwich at a guy with no provable intent to physically harm him isn’t assault?

Well now I want a sandwich

You ever just weigh your desire to be employed verses your desire to drop this in the official work group chat

The thing about making a city hostile to cars is you also have to make the public transit extend outside the city

Rory Gilmore before stealing a boat:

I don’t watch feeder series because there are simply not enough hours in the day so when a race car team hires a feeder series person I’m just like “who is this interloper”

My work day literally just started and I can definitively say that it’s men that are ruining the workplace by asking stupid questions

tom brady shouldn't have cloned his dog. he should have cloned my dog instead

There’s some really odd people on this website, idk if you’ve noticed this

the women in the workplace discourse is very funny because a man who can act normal in an office environment that's predominantly female is absolutely on easy street. it's maybe the best gig anyone in history has had. and yet for many guys it is utterly impossible

Working late so the deadline anxiety doesn’t keep me from sleeping even though it’s gonna happen anyway

“They’re like us” when “us” is people who rsvp

this is actually impressive, making up a brand new nobel peace prize replacement is a genuine innovation in bribery absolutely nobody does corruption like FIFA

They should give us voting information by sun sign, I wanna know how my fellow Tauruses did

At least they’re all finally being quiet

It’s so fun trying to accomplish anything with two dogs who think their desire to sleep on the couch supersedes everything and a cat that wants to eat my hair

"All hot dog stands will be replaced with goat meat stands." hold up. tell me more about that

I’m excited to stick it to the MAGA establishment obviously but I’m almost more excited to stick it to the doomers who said there was no point. You underestimated the power of rage and the human spirit and I hope you feel ashamed of yourself

Huge news for me personally

A 34-year-old as a politician: My god he's like a baby. It's like they just elected an infant to be their mayor. A 34-year-old as an athlete: You have to admire the bravery of him attempting that dunk, knowing full well the grim reaper is right behind him.

all my respect and best wishes go out to the NTSB right now, who are investigating yesterday’s crash without getting paid due to the shutdown. knowing the NTSB, they’ll put the same amount of effort into it as if they were being paid because they care tremendously.

I bet loafing feels so good when you’re a cat

Got a “please come back” email from the DAR interesting interesting

It’s been a while since I’ve been completely unable to sleep because I’m worried about a deadline

Graham Rahal is so mad right now 🙂

Not one thought in that little yoda head

Kima barked in her sleep which woke Jyn up thinking something was actually happening to bark about so she barked which woke Kima up thinking there was something to bark about and now they both keep barking at nothing

Saying that NYC is a one off when there have been wins across the board today is kinda crazy

They should let Alfonso dance every week #dwts

Zohran is cool and awesome and I’m thrilled for him and all of us but at my core this is who I am: the Jewish guy who shows up to be a world class hater in support of his friend

seasonal affective disorder temporarily postponed

this victory also belongs to aloof wives

They’re giving at The Democrats 2-on-0 fast breaks with Magic and Michael Jordan. They have no idea how to react on defense and their popularity has been cratering consistently for ten straight months.

there’s nothing more Jewish than celebrating the downfall of your enemies lol

We show the fuck up

Bluesky rn

Polls closed 5 minutes ago. Show me the numbers, they must be insane

All this good news and I get to watch Flavor Flav guest judge Dancing With the Stars

stay tuned

The good news just keeps coming!!!

It’s soup time, motherfuckers

It’s important not to generalize from a single election. For example, just because Mamdani won doesn’t mean every man can pull off wearing multiple rings.