standing outside the Costco on Easter Sunday: Open the Fuckin’ store you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell

broke: too drunk to fuck woke: too high not to fuck

Turn to your hymnals 345>>346 and rise to sing Scarlet Begonias and Fire on the Mountain.

In the spirit of Easter I’m going to betray one of the people I follow.

saw Billy Strings last night and am now fighting every urge I have telling me to sell my worldly possessions and follow the tour

learning that Jesus Christ conquered death and overcame the grave is a lot less impressive when you realize who his dad is 😕

lot of people who never posted on something awful and it Shows

Evangelion theme started playing in my head when I saw this

If you hit play on “Dark Side of the Moon” at the six second mark of “Jerry Maguire” you completely ruin the movie.

Sham Blondie

Bam Pondi

to boldly go

Me inspecting the guitar neck because I suspect the intonation is off but it’s just Carl and Michael fucking with my amplifier again

Not to steal Ed’s thunder but is also thigh day here as well. Sky’s out, thighs out

another banner day for "if you didn't know sports were real, ESPN headlines would be crazy"

I play stupid games all the time where are my stupid prizes

When it's time for Tiger Woods to go into court for his DUI, I have an idea who he can send

Netflix wasted an amazing crossover opportunity to have a compelling character interview Jazz.

Yes…Ha Ha Ha… Yes!

Post a non-religious picture you think of as holy

steal his look

Shit that absolutely happened.txt

me: but babe i can't log off right now the turbolibs are malding her: i put your pillows on the office couch

This is what a vampire looking at a classroom would say.

🎶 I hate every AI I see, from Claude Sonnet 3 To chat G P T Yes they finally made some content out of Meeeeeeeeee 🎶

Very chill how the first twelve hours of this day took approximately 27 hours and the last two were condensed down into 25 minutes

The fetish for “having worked hard and earned a good living” that is so uniquely present in the USA is a scourge, a plague that ruins people’s minds and makes them see their fellow man as less than

RFK Jr's response

absolutely goated Winn-Dixie bargain bin find

167 days until *stifles laughter* Florida football lmao

Idk how many more times I need to see the ball slam off the Tennessee guy’s head like it’s a football to the groin but TNT thinks it needs about 8 more angles on sixteen more replays lmao

I have grown weary of real life outpacing the onion

this and a cold beer

Copper thieves be like I love the wire

how it started // how it’s going never gets old lol

I saw you with Rudy / you were very high YOOOOOOU WERE HIGH

Char’s Brisket Counteattack!

no chance in hell world this holds up but I would go absolutely fucking bananas if this happened, it would be the best thing ever

A dreamer of pictures, I run in the night You see us together, Chasing the goonlight, My cinnamon girl

Down by the river I shot Ned Beatty

🎶 there is a town, in north ON-tariooooo 🎶

I guess they listened for once

Big iced tea matchup on Friday

if youre a lawyer, do not let any client see this. do not let them believe it is possible for just anyone to go in and Have Their Day In Court like this. and if they see this tell them its a skit and court is never this cathartic

THIEL (red eyes, veins bulging): Mind if I say some stuff that you'd walk away from at a bus stop?

No more apropos guy to be the final out of a dying empire than a Roman.

Let’s fuckin go Venezuela