this is the sound it makes when daffy duck runs directly into a telephone pole

everybody hold off on saying we need to tax the rich until I see how these Powerball numbers go

bill clinton taking trump down with him and then biting down on the cyanide capsule hillary implanted in his left molar in 2007 would be a pretty fitting end of the sixth (seventh?) party system

I have never been more confident that Notre Dame is going to end up joining the SEC.

Look this is obviously bad because it’s proof Bari Weiss is at CBS to shut down critical coverage of the Trump administration but it’s also proof she’s so bad at it that she’ll run headfirst into a Streisand Effect without realizing what’s she’s doing.

[SKIMMING THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD] damn, they crucified that baby?

good morning

howie roseman pulling jake elliott aside in the locker room in three weeks after the wild card game.

Remember when people didn’t want Brandon Graham back on the team because they said it would be bad for his legacy or some stupid bullshit like that?

The Eagles finally getting the “false start on a goal line tush push” call everyone’s been screaming about for months just to immediately turn around and get the easiest DeVonta touchdown you’ve ever seen really puts into perspective how dumb this all is.

carrey grinch is a terrifying legend in whoville while cumberbatch grinch is just a loner with social anxiety, but the funniest and most text accurate reading would be that the who’s don’t even know the grinch exists until he comes hauling down from his mountain to commit grand larceny

waking up the saturday before christmas and getting told there’s an eagles game in eight hours

I’m doing this for my 1099 next year

PROFUSELY SWEATY DAVID BROOKS RUSHING OUT AN OP-ED WRITTEN ENTIRELY ON NAPKINS: “Let’s all agree to spend our time offline this holiday season.”

tired: “There’s not going to be anything in the Epstein files they release.” wired: “There’s gonna be a bombshell in the files they release because a ‘Trymp’ is going to slip past the Ctrl+F filter”

I'm willing to buy that the Rams are the best team in the NFL this year but between last night and their game in Philly it's pretty clear they're also cursed by God so that should factor into their postseason expectations.

pov: you are a phillies player who just publicly criticized dave dombrowski’s team management

[barging into a 67 year old man’s wood carving studio] “BILL! YOU NEED TO SIGN ME THE MOVIE RIGHTS, BILL! WE HAVE CHRIS PRATT LINED UP TO VOICE HOBBES AND TATE MCRAE READY TO RELEASE A SONG ABOUT SPACEMAN SPIFF, BILL, YOU JUST NEED TO SIGN!”

"The Xbox Bowl in Frisco, TX" feels like something that should have debuted in 2005, not 2025.

2026 is the year I buckle down and decide what socialist tendency I am so I can get into more effective arguments with strangers online.

The narrator in the Santa Claus is Coming to Town song is pretty clearly trying to power through a stroke between the chorus.

There are a bunch of underlying stats that say Jordan Romano is actually good, but I would like to see those on a game by game basis, because I might agree that the aggregate Jordan Romano pitch is probably fine, but his appearance to appearance swings were absolutely wild.

does anyone in this administration realize what’s going to happen if they start a bullshit war with Venezuela that nobody wants and then there’s like a drone strike in Miami?

If you accept that there isn’t a massive offensive overhaul coming, giving Brad Keller slight overpay to go all in on Starting/Bullpen pitching is pound for pound probably the most effective use of resources available to the Phillies

we’re all kinda underselling the odds of an entire collapse of the federal government by Christmas tbh

[no one kill me for saying this I still want him out of leadership and to resign as a senator] Chuck Schumer is getting his Senate vote on a clean ACA extension and presumably imploding House Republican leadership in the process.

Brian Fitzpatrick of all people being the one to bring down Johnson’s Speakership wasn’t on my bingo board but hey, good for him.

Look, at this point for the Phillies the strategy is just have dominant starting pitching and then hope Harper, Turner, and Schwarber all have “Top 15 in MVP voting” caliber seasons. Everything else they’re kinda just leaving up to God.

“Solstice Celebration this weekend” damn, rent’s about to go up.

sprinting full speed through Shady Brook when I get back to Bucks County next week so I can see the light show without paying $80

the president of the united states during his cabinet meetings vs when the guy who directed the princess bride gets murdered and he can write a multi-paragraph fanfic about it being because of him

Adolis García is going to unplug Morgan Wallen from the aux in the Phillies clubhouse and it’s going to be like one of those shouting scenes from Invasion of the Body Snatchers

This is going to be like tearing up the East Wing in that it’s obviously not as horrible or impactful in the grand scheme of things as half the stuff this administration is doing every day, but it’s just so audaciously ugly it‘a just going to shock people into outrage.

an nfl playoffs without the cowboys or chiefs

Minnesota I won’t say anything mean about the JJ McCarthy situation this offseason if you spare us from another week of “Here’s how the Cowboys can still win the NFC East” discourse

Travis Kelce could’ve retired before the season to spend the year getting paid millions to do a broadcast with his brother when he wasn’t spending time with his billionaire pop star wife and instead he’s gonna coast out a losing year catching passes from Gardner Minshew.

“Sam Darnold has 42 seconds and no time outs to lead the Seahawks to win over Phillip Rivers and the Colts on 2025” is the shit that would pop up around there edges of a Madden 2019 save file you auto simmed a couple years through

Round 12 (IMAX)

Happy Hanukkah to all my friends celebrating 💛

so are they really just going to televise Phillip Rivers dying like this?

something very funny is brewing in new england

Kevin Patullo when he's playing the worst team in the league vs. Kevin Patullo against anyone else

Jalen Hurts won Philadelphia a Super Bowl, he could wear a hat with my home address and instructions on how to plant a pipe bomb on it if he wanted to.

what’s happening financially this december needs to be left dead and buried in 2025.

I saw The Nutcracker for the first time tonight and I’ll be honest, no one warned me there was a whole “These cartoons were a product of their time” Looney Tunes-esque Asian/Middle Eastern section in there.

they’re just dressing him up like a dog you’re putting down next week now

JESUS, PRETENDING HE DIDN’T WANT TO JUST KEE HIS BIRTHDAY A CLOSE FRIENDS KIND OF DEAL THIS YEAR: “yeah, no, for sure, you can tell all the faithful to come.”