You want me to buy that big goose in the shop window? I don't know, mister, it's been hanging there a really long time.

Everybody's gangster until the end of It's a Wonderful Life

Christmas memory from 2017: new kitten, and the first thing she does is climb to the top of the Christmas tree and take a nap.

"Santa's Lost!" 2003 Acrylic on illustration board

DOD releases new video of air strike on flying sleigh transporting suspicious packages.

Strapping a roomba to each foot and vacuuming off into the sunset.

freddy crougar mellencamp

I'll try to remember not to forget

Shitposting like a day trader using multiple screens

Give her what she really wants this Christmas. A new administration.

interrupting the ghost of christmas present mid-lesson to expound on the national security implications of his remote viewing abilities

Artists, Quote with something silly~

As if they weren't annoying enough already, I bet television commercials will be 100% ai generated in the not too distant future

Bottom of Drafts folder: When God's MacBook crashes, he opens Windows

The greatest trick the Devil played was letting people fuck it up themselves.

memorial means you're dead, charlie brown

How The Grinch Was Convicted Of Stealing Christmas But Secured Freedom Through A Generous Donation To The Ballroom Project

Is the Ed Sullivan theatre just going to become a Spirit Halloween, or whut

Let's hope the Kennedy center people used the same glue Elaine's regifted label maker did.

Played hooky today and getting excited for Second Saturday tomorrow

in Australia, the ceiling is lava

How The Grinch Stole 2nd

That’s me in the corner. I’ll be here until the paint dries.

Where are all the tasteful holiday sweater parties?

Relaxing Tea Better Fucking Work theonion.com/relaxin...

If anything, scented candles should smell like soap, not food. No further questions.

Notable stuff is happening, and I've lost my pen.

Came up in a Facebook memory from 2012. Crayon drawing that my daughter and I made together

Walking into 2026:

Stages of holiday shopping 1. Plenty of time 2. Gifts for myself 3. Oh no

An apiary should be for raising apes. No further questions.

As soon as the tide comes back in it's over for you beaches.

you can’t tell me what to do, you’re not the wandering spirit of a girl who was murdered several centuries ago who inhabited my body to use as a vessel for vengeance against the descendants of her killers

Wife says I have 'Hank Hill' butt (is this a compliment?)

kids will straight up tell you that there’s nothing to eat when there’s an untouched head of cabbage in the vegetable drawer

Early humans were online an hour, maybe two hours, per day

If someone dropped a hellfire missile on me while I was at work and I somehow survived, I would not just go immediately back to work, just sayin.

Here I am, killing myself trying to rip out all this bamboo like a chump, when I should have just bought a panda.

Kill Thurston, fuck Ginger, Mary Ann

Ugh, now they're just ruining gerrymandering for EVERYONE.

Y'know...it IS alot like in the 'Charlie Brown' special. When you first bring home your tree, it may look a little bare and crooked, but then we all gather around it and wave our arms around furiously, and all of a sudden, it's all decorated and looks much fuller.

Not sure how I feel about holiday beverages – I’m eggnostic HAHA I wanted to get this joke out one more time before we're all sent to work in the asbestos mines

And so, with that last bowl of soup, Thanksgiving is finally over.

Only accidentally said “Merry Christmas” to someone one time yesterday. Not bad.

putting my thoughts on a trolley like mr. rogers and waving

Happy Must-Win-To-Remain-Bowl-Eligible to all those who celebrate.