::::Here come the Merc 🔥🫣

oh #wnba, we so appreciate you. s/o Mercury for the W.

VALLEY VICTORY!

making art better with star wars: thread

Hg! 🏀 🎉

I’m like if the “reject all cookies” button was a person.

The best part of Gilmore Girls is how Lorelai was like “can I have 50k per year for my daughter’s school” and Emily was like “fine but you have to let me buy her a car too, and we’re fixing you dinner once a week” and Lorelai was like “ugh mom you’re the WORST”

"It's crazy I'm still alive." -the quote on our Gen X family crest

Brutalism in the streets, Art Nouveau in the sheets

Fifty years ago, on Sept. 26, 1975, The Rocky Horror Picture Show flopped at the U.S. box office — then became the longest-running theatrical release in history.

I am like if ‘jump to recipe’ was a person

I'm the one in the friend group always passing out the pills (pepcid)

You know where you won’t see a series of increasingly worrisome headlines? Inside my hollow tree ever since the wifi went out because I chewed through a wire

They want to play tough then Gary would get tough. He slid into a Hot Pocket crisper sleeve and microwaved himself for 1.5 mins and then 1 additional min to ensure he wasn’t too soft in the middle.

Who called it beef chow mein and not moodles?

*choosing flavors of popcorn ceiling*

Crazy that people have to be "radicalized" against fascism when being against fascists is literally the most American thing you can do.

good morning but at what cost

The memo is a thinly veiled attempt to create a nonexistent conspiracy out of activists, nonprofits, and others pursuing equality and fairness for all — but we’re not afraid. We won't allow the government to scare us out of exercising our right to speak out.

wtf you mean it’s not friday

How many times had he seen that movie? Well, it came out 31 years ago. So, 31.

i’ve killed every plant i’ve ever owned but sure I’ll babysit your kids for the weekend.

Symbolism? Look, the store only had Halloween donuts left and there weren’t enough star-spangled paper napkins, so Gary tore them in half.

omg omg i think im being raptured nope just stood up too quickly oof nvm

quick question - what if both knees are your bad knee?

Ok, tell me one thing that queso does not immediately enhance

Alright. I think I'm done. Good night.

Always wear a catcher’s mitt, just in case someone hurls a burrito at you. You can then be the victor rather than the victim.

bond girls but they’re also muppets: thread

THUNDER! The loud kind. The kind that lets you know a tree fell in the woods while no one was around, yet EVERYONE heard it.

No this is how Gonzo was born

If you see this, post a robot.

Everyone post a Batman!

True life: I think I ate too much cheese.

Goddammit. Unexpected tears because a stupid song resurfaced memories of a friend long since passed. The 2nd glass of wine probably didn’t help.

You ever think about the guy tasked to cut the mustard and failing so terribly that it became an idiom?

why stack your tupperware when you can chunk it into the cabinet and close the door before it falls out possibly injuring the next person to open it.

Ah, okay. EXTREMELY flammable. After brushing away singed arm hair and eyebrows, Gary finally achieved understanding.

the muppets as iphones: thread

Can you handle a peanut butter sandwich with only peanut butter? I’m looking for tough people

Sent a pigeon through the tube at the bank. Boy were they surprised

People love to tell you about a glacier that went across their state a million years ago

If anyone needs me, I’ll be sleeping in the weirdest fucking position possible to ensure my cats have plenty of room

Guacamole isn’t a side, it’s everything

it’s never too late to learn to put your phone away while intoxicated

*slipping handfuls of m&m's into all of your jacket's pockets 🥰*

it’s nosferatu but with muppets: thread

quote an unfiltered photo and say your age 49