To my LGBTQ+ friends and family, I see you, I support you, and I’m proud to stand with you. Pride Month is a celebration, but support shouldn’t be limited to one month. We all have a responsibility to speak up and make sure people can be themselves without fear. Happy Pride Month! 🏳️‍🌈✨❤️

All these reminders to vote are getting out of hand, I got 250 calls last week, a neighbor keyed “VOTE” in my car, and this morning someone tied a ballot to an arrow and shot me in the dick

starting to have second thoughts about the contractors i found on craigslist

Possibly the most frightening talent of the brown bear is an uncanny ability to blend seamlessly into the environment in an almost chameleon-like manner, allowing them to easily surprise their unsuspecting prey.

Meowie Antoinette

As a resident of West Hollywood, I don’t vote for the Mayor of Los Angeles. The rest of you are on your own. Please choose wisely and don’t f**k this up.

If you’re going to be anyone, be the woman who doesn’t wear white to another woman’s wedding.

Skipping the AMAs tonight because f*ck CBS.

I always act personally offended when anyone calls me. Like I’m supposed to just… answer? Grow up!

Every pen in my house works perfectly… until I actually need to use a pen.

The odds of being murdered in your own home by psychopathic waterfowl are low, but never zero.

it’s been thirteen years since my wife and i bought the house i grew up in from my parents and i’m still afraid to touch the thermostat

Honour dead loved ones whilst weaning yourself off tobacco by putting their ashes in your snuff boxes.

[leaving Hooters] wife: you thought there’d be owls me: *wiping away one tear* of course not don’t be ridiculous

i smell a pulitzer

I said what I said. 😂

My Apple Watch congratulated me on finishing a workout. I was just trying to put on Spanx. If fighting for my life in shapewear doesn’t count as cardio, the system is flawed.

If you’re the only person in your friend group or family who has a truck, congratulations on your new unpaid weekend job as a moving company.

Why does every TV show or movie discussion turn into nonstop negativity? Every comment section feels like people are more interested in criticizing than actually enjoying what they’re watching. It’s exhausting.

Getting my pizza stolen by a seagull was bad. The bird pooping on me immediately after felt personal.

My husband says “Howdy” like it’s a lifestyle. Sir, you are Cuban, have only lived in Miami and Los Angeles, and own zero boots and hats. Please relax.

Ancient curse. Ten minutes before may you remember that it's a Zoom and not a phone call while you look like unshaven, unbrushed John Belushi hungover in pajamas.

dwayne johnson: how you like me now, big guy guy living under a rock: ow owowow OW

My sister and I have a deal: if I walkie talkie her from my Apple watch and say, "Hey, Siri, is the park open now?" she replies, "Sorry, but the park is closed for maintenance." If she walkie talkies me asking about the zoo, I reply that a lion escaped its cage & is on the loose.

It’s actually bad for your mental health to feel insane all the time

John's calves burned with each step, and a sharp pain pierced his abdomen. As he neared the safety of daylight, the sound of webbed feet slapping concrete grew louder. He risked a look over his shoulder, and found himself staring directly into the beady eyes of fate. He screamed.

when two of your friends start hooking up and the rest of you know it’ll end in disaster

WIFE: You're very quiet. What are you thinking? ME: They should make a non alcoholic version of Blue Nun wine and call it Blue None. HER: Sometimes it's ok to say 'nothing'

I sent my husband to the store, and he texted that they didn’t have what I sent him there for. I didn’t believe him, so he flipped his phone and had the cashier tell me they didn’t have it. Impressive move.

I’m at an age where my night guard has become my most prized possession. If the house is on fire, I’m grabbing the dog and my $400 piece of medical-grade plastic.

No, I don't have a pair of halfuroy pants nor eighthuroy pants.

Maybe if historical dramas showed how disfigured people were from what are now vaccine preventable diseases we'd have fewer anti-vaxxers

Why did they call it a protective beekeepers suit and not swarmour

JESUS: *turns water into wine* JUDAS: *from the shower* okay that DOES IT

*posts at 4am* this website is dying

I’m depressed, but not “Pam Bondi gets fired as Donald Trump’s Attorney General and still has to testify on the Epstein files” depressed

My husband and I are having a competition to see who can hide plastic eggs in the hardest spots. Loser has to cook and clean for a week. It’s been three days. He’s currently tearing the garage apart while I watch Netflix. I haven’t hidden a single egg.

My husband and I are having a competition to see who can hide plastic eggs in the hardest spots. Loser has to cook and clean for a week. It’s been three days. He’s currently tearing the garage apart while I watch Netflix. I haven’t hidden a single egg.

Them: What's stopping you from making your bed everyday? Me:

One thing Trump has successfully done is cowed a lot of people into thinking they can't call for meaningful accountability for him and his cronies because it would be "revenge" or "political" and therefore illegitimate. Absolutely essential to reject that

If I go to the store for one thing, somehow I come home with everything but that one thing.

Don’t let him distract you from the Epstein files. Stay on it. Keep talking about it.

I’ve reached the level of marriage where I don’t even need to speak. I just sigh and my husband instinctively starts apologizing for something he hasn't even thought of doing yet.

California, what the f*ck are we doing? So many Democrats are running that we could end up with two Republicans in November. Stop running just to see your name on a ballot. Step up if you have a shot, or step aside. This is not complicated.

FIRST PERSON TO HAVE AN IDEA: *lightbulb appears over their head* holy shit what the fuck is that

The best part of waking up is... nope, got nothing.

Marriage is 80% love, 20% “why are you standing so close to me while I’m doing this.”

25 of the funniest posts we’ve seen on Bluesky this week www.thepoke.com/2026/03/25/2...

I’m not saying I’m getting an airhorn for slow walkers. I’m just saying options are being explored.

I told my husband he’s not allowed to open my nightstand because his anniversary gift is in there. The truth is, I hid the last sleeve of Thin Mints in there, and I don’t wanna share.