Create the problem Fix the problem Take credit for fixing the problem

what do I do if I don't own a wood chipper

I said sally sells sea shells by the sea shore five times fast pls respond

Electively choosing to wear a bodysuit that wedges a set of metal snaps up my vag to work because I hate myself.

‘Father’ and ‘dad’ are synonyms. ‘Figure’ and ‘bod’ are synonyms. But, a ‘father figure’ and a ‘dad bod’ aren’t exactly the same thing…

I’ve taken to getting off at least once a day and I’m sorry to report it actually does help.

My boss asked me to operate on my own rogscognizance today

I used punctuation in a social media post and now I’m careening towards respectability

Keep turning up that dial, Bluesky! You're doing great!

If I say that I’m baking for the holidays, it just means I’m smoking pot.

Sometimes humans fuck up in a way that warrants punishment. But to formally punish them, means destroying innocent lives of those around them, too. So the punishment is no longer fair or warranted. I can recognize this, be an adult, and resign myself to merely screaming “FUCK YOU” on the internet.

Firmly entrenched in the anger phase of the grieving process, with no signs pointing to moving on and getting over it any time soon.

Anonymous acts of pettiness are sometimes the only course of punishment an offender will ever experience. But at least it’s better than no punishment at all. Also, in case I haven’t driven the point home yet: FUCK YOU.

I feel much better now. So please carry on with your regularly scheduled programming.

F : fuck you : F U : fuck you : U C : fuck you : C K : fuck you : K Y : fuck you : Y O : fuck you : O U : fuck you : U F : fuck you : F U : fuck you : U C : fuck you : C K : fuck you : K Y : fuck you : Y O : fuck you : O U : fuck you : U

F U C K Y O U F U C K Y OU F U C K YOU F U C K YOU F U C KYOU F U CKYOU \ | / F UCKYOU FUCKYOU — ! FUCK YOU ! — F UCKYOU F U CKYOU / | \ F U C KYOU F U C K YOU F U C K YOU F U C K Y OU F U C K Y O U

WARNING: This user will now proceed with her morning “fuck you’s.” These “fuck you’s” are not meant to disparage her general readership, and are merely a necessary outlet to expend her pent-up rage over one particular person she must take the high road with IRL, being a monumental fuckwit, online.

why do storks only bring babies why can’t one bring me a cannoli

Idea: hotter pockets

How long can you hug the pizza delivery guy before it gets weird

I can tell you care by the thoroughness of this restraining order.

Cop: I’m going to read you your Miranda rights Miranda: I’m good

You all deserve this medal

inventing a bluesky that doesn't have *gestures broadly* all this

I’m fucktose intolerant

Seth Rogen modelling for Canada’s Roots is the infusion of joy I so badly needed in my life today.

I hope the goth girl in my high school sex ed class who grabbed the banana during the condom demonstration and slowly squished it while making eye contact with our teacher is doing okay

Hating someone you used to love is the worst. It’s like my heart is pumping fire through my veins instead of blood, and my brain can’t withstand the buildup of pressure. Kinda shocked steam isn’t coming out of my ears right now, TBH.

i wish sometimes : my heart would fall out : so i could stomp it myself : before someone in boots : with toes made of steel : turns me to dust : and i cannot heal

The unspoken joy of an elevator that opens and is completely empty.

CONSPIRACY THEORISTS- THIS IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE!

The difference between me at 5yo (a minor who couldn’t give informed consent) versus me at 15yo (a minor who couldn’t give informed consent) was only measurable in the size of my chest and width of my hips. Doesn’t change the fact that in both cases, I was a minor who couldn’t give informed consent

Chinese Hackers Able To Infiltrate Pentagon Systems By Using Password "GUEST"

the honey in honeycomb cereal is actually just bee poop

i retract my statement

u f u c o k o y y く|)へ k o 〉 FUCK YOU FUCK YOU F ヽo〳 FUCK YOU FU ヘ/ FUCK YOU FUC ノ FUCK YOU FUCK FUCK YOU FUCK Y FUCK YOU FUCK YO FUCK YOU FUCK YOU u fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you f

F fuck you FU fuck you FUC fuck you FUCK fuck you FUCK Y fuck you FUCK YO fuck you FUCK YOU fuck you FUCK YOU F fuck you FUCK YOU FU fuck you FUCK YOU FUC fuck you FUCK YOU FUCK fuck you FUCK YOU FUCK Y fuck you FUCK YOU FUCK YO fuck you FUCK YOU FUCK YOU fuck you

I'm so sick of all this shit. I'm tired of having to spend all day posting about pedophiles and AI tech freaks and various other ghouls destroying the world. I should be posting about mailboxes with teeth and airplanes that flap their wings and gollum's favorite songs. Jesus christ

🎶 I’M BRINGING SEXY BACK 🎶 THEM OTHA FUCKAS DUNNO HOW TO ACT [sung onstage in Shakespearean-era costuming after getting booed by theatre-goers for tanking the monologue in Hamlet]

IRL, I have to be an adult. Online, I can write “I HATE YOU!!!!!” in all caps and pray the mother fucker who destroyed my soul will one day find the message archived in some digital internet history museum and realize just how badly they fucked up in a retroactive capacity.

I make being abandoned by people I trusted and loved with all my heart look so damn good, they should slap a photo of me screaming in abject humiliation on the cover of Vogue.

do you ever wonder if you just don’t have what it takes anymore to do things like fight the entrenched power or get out of bed

Whoever said, “the opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s indifference,” has clearly never experienced men being perverts on the internet.

VOICEOVER: in the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate, yet entirely opposite, groups: the police, who are afraid of sandwiches, and sandwich wielders, armed with food consisting of two pieces of bread filled with meat, cheese, and vegetables. these are their stories.

___ --- ' _ \ ____ ____ ) ::::::::::::: FINGERTIPS _ ) ::::::::::: have MEMORIES _ ) :::::::: mine can’t FORGET --- . ___ ) : the curves of your BODY

〇 ||——————————. ||.☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆| || and when i feel a bit | || N A U G H T Y | ||.☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆| ||——————————‘ || i || run || it || up || the || flagpole || and O 7 || see / | -'____________/ |_______ ( who salutes <but> no one ever does! )

_________ [_________] _) (_ /.___________\ '| I’M NOT |' |--S I C K--| .|.____ᴿˣ____|. \.___________/ B U T I ‘ M N O T W E L L !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

._)‾‾‾‾‾‾(_. | ° .-. ° | a n d | --|..|__ | i ‘ m | --|::|__ | s o | --|::|__ | \ | / | --|::|__ | ::: H O T ::: | --|::|__ | / | \ | --|::|__ | ‘ c a u s e | --|::|__ | i ‘ m | (::::) | i n | "-" | h e l l !!!!! '‾)______(‾'

. - ' ' ; ' - . , ' <_ , - . ` . BEEN / ) , -- , _>\_ \ AROUND | ' ( \_ | THE | _ ` - . / -| WORLD \ `-. ; _ ( ` / AND ` . ( \ / , ' FOUND ` - . . . . . - ' that only STUPID PEOPLE are BREEDING !!!!!!!!!