i was strangled by a juggalo at the Chicago World's Fair in 1893

one of these days i'm going to teach you all a lesson through the powers of dance and campfire

bro i miss your singular wit and arcane musings

live action Superjail! 2026

anthropomorphizing many of yall

if something is encrusted that could be wonderful or terrible. it really depends.

putting my dad on notice

insulin should be free

Over many years of disciplined study I have gained the ability to worry about anything

the four words every woman wants to hear

Charlemagne was all about that vigorous pumping & no foreplay. He certainly wasn’t a kind nerd who gave calf cramping orgasms

sponge bob has soaked up some things he dont like to talk about

logging off for fun and profit

show me on the doll why you guys are like this

/~/_/\ | l 0 come to o O | l 0 bib's castle for big hair

i don’t appreciate the condescending tone of the iOS bedtime reminder

for those about to grok we salute you

today my mom kept saying the “riddler” when she meant to say the “rizzler” and i love that about her

who in the bible had adhd

i’m back to bat rider basics

horses evolved from some kind of bug #horsefacts

she stood there in the doorway, dress shifting slightly in the breeze and I couldn’t help but compare her to a cold glass of long milk after a hard days worbe

thinking about taco belt

nobody ever sat me down and explained the frogs and the bees. i am rudderless in this world

rummaging glumly through your trash

There are cathedrals everywhere

its the year of the fire horse

tonight is basically christmas eve for the self loathing

i have a great excuse for all of this i think

probably won't move on to 2026 until i 100% 2025

im going to drop at midnight

you’re the tallest millisecond i’ve ever met

Everything is 100% everyone’s fault And 0% my fault - Wisdom’s Knowledge

soft serve quaaludes and a croissant

he said his favorite color is teal so i arrested him

taking big slurps from the juice box of internal torment

what did i mean by this

thinking about him again

quadrupling your entendre for the price of only a double

Why is it the roof of my mouth and not the ceiling of my mouth

escapism capsule

kissing unlicensed goku

technically speaking you can do anything naughty you want without getting on the list as long as you do it between christmas and the start of the new year

Eating my Christmas dinner in the garden after getting into an argument with my younger cousins who believe or are pretending to believe that the grinch was “so real” for not shaving “that thang”

hiring an assassin to seduce my laundry

hiring an assassin to kill my laundry

nw 📽️

wearing shirt with big bib collar so people know i’m dangerous

santa can see through both magical and non-magical darkness out to a range of 60’ as if it were dim light

i dreamt i was in a hotel where i discovered a floor dedicated to a ritual in which strangers cuddle together in groups of 64 and hum in a specific frequency that creates euphoria. nothing sexual