handing a list of my allergies to the home depot cashier

asking home depot where they keep the flavored light bulbs

if i gained the power of flight i wouldn’t tell anyone, but there would be signs

more people in costumes should delete websites

if yall dont hear from me a lot today its because i locked in super tough dont worry

i don’t like to end my posts w a period because it feels restricting. the bra of the punctuation world

i think everyone is lying about watching sports for attention

We have to normalize meteors hitting the planet & causing a mass extinction

can’t tonight. i’m doing tummy time

i’m not making any more pearls for you no matter what irritants you put in my shell

007 getting his analprint burned off just in case

ranking the planets of our solar system based on their perceived demureness

bluesky is my talking to friends at work app like and share if you agree

the repulsion you feel when you see Grimace is because they used to be one of the only predators of humans

letting a spider live in my bellybutton rent and lint free

guys i'm softening my stance on email

thinking about coming up with a new catchphrase like “damn it smells like your dad’s bedsheets in here”

going with my boy Throach Plisten to check out that new Pit That Makes You Forget Everything. actually he may or may not be my boy. i don’t recall

Barbie movie ruined thinking about death for me

i have trust issues with gravity

how about a nice romantic date to a pond where we catch frogs and crab men?

Nobody is saying I am in trouble

it's every fisherman's dream to stumble upon an unsolved murder

Dracula edm lasagna threesome motorcycle

some girl just hollowed out a banana and filled it with fucking beans

you're not allowed to do that to beans

Son what are you doing with these poggers under your bed

Siri mute dog tits

moon's big

asking a highly specialized beetle 'is this niche taken?' and not waiting for the answer

ㅤ ┌ ┐ ㅤ LISTEN DON'T LISTEN ㅤ ╳ ㅤ DON'T TALK TALK ㅤ └ ┘ ㅤ

There is no poetry in your soul, homeboy

dying of peanut butter lung

injectable peanut butter

before and after my surgical head graft miracle surgery

thinking about the time that jims surgically grafted my head onto my arm

my brain is made out if poop

cathedrals everywhere

is canada just respectability texas?

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king midas was the world’s first golden gooner #history

you've ready accepted your current living conditions would you like to continue to accept them?

@byuopp.bsky.social do you think that we knew eachither ina past life

m’laundry

please don’t mention my third eye