Mfs will go in the ball pit of ideology and start playing with the used bandaids

i pass out every time i see my belly button

Mark Proksch is Alfred Hitchcock.

McRib is bat

they did fillers on a grape

✴.·´¯`·.·★  🎀𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝔂𝓸𝓾, 𝓲 𝓪𝓶 𝓱𝓪𝓾𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓼𝓮🎀  ★·.·`¯´·.✴

😍💞💘 𝓱𝓪𝓾𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝓲𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓪 𝓹𝓵𝓪𝓬𝓮…𝓲𝓽’𝓼 𝓪 𝓯𝓮𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰 💔💏💖

developing new medication that makes someone intensely slippery. useful for evasion, trickery, poetry, isolation, and getting out of jury duty

it's the men, general. their faith erodes as if abraded by a thousand poison tides, each bearing a more seditious whisper than the last; it's.. it's the apple, sir. you've been in your tent for days, boiling that same apple over and over. we hear you singing to it, calling it your 'Steaming Samuel',

pressing the “be good” button

I think we all just want to feel cute and to be told we are cute

got confused and hired a barista to represent me in british court 😭

tapping Lethal on the emotions wheel

some guy just got on the bus and shouted “who here has the biggest butthole”

most people don't know that i had my original eyes replaced with green grapes

a show in the vein of Dance Moms but it's Gamer Moms tormenting their eSports aspiring sons

*reading 30-50 feral pawgs* i think i hauve covid..,

this is the arsenal i keep for quickly dispatching 30-50 feral pawgs in my yard

eww she fuck the normal man for normalcy

reentering the timeline like a car door suddenly flung open into a busy bike lane

bellybuttons are so scary

in a past life i was a midi trombone

everyone shut up! I am preparing to use my imagination…

overclocking my microwave

knuckle tats "DIVA DOWN"

my clothes are always telling me to tumble dry low

wearing my favorite top fashioned from the souls of dying stars

[Whisper app] I was born without a butt crack

ant: do you ever wonder what lies beyond the colony? we serve a thankless queen, beholden to her whims and yet in return receive nothing but more toil. yoda ant: know i do not. little guy i found, under a leaf i did hmmmmm bovino: ᵤₚₚᵢₑₛ!

it's hot

saying your name 3 times in front of my mirror

Based on the screenshots of the video game he plays my theory is that crab man is some kind of scientist

[haven’t looked at the news in 72 hours voice] What’s up?

affirmation: i will kill again

we’ve all had that one homie who said stuff like “there’s an invisible walkway here we can use to get across” and then ⬛️⬛️ ⬛️⬛️ | | | | | | | | | | | 🧍‍♂️ 💥

Saint john's worbe

what’s it like to be wrong about something?

AI didn't write my email but a crow sort of helped

the cacophony of the hostile marimbas has boosted your spirit, granting you + 𝟓 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 (𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐥 𝐦𝐨𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐭)🌈™

onion based sandwich called a "wet william", please, computer.

Oh sure let’s match those symbols to the ones on the pillar. That’s your answer to everything.

my boy Trandin just started hovering again 😞

wearing the apotropaic panties again

[trying to seem human voice] i eat my soup from a tub just like everyone else

sometimes it feels like we're all writing a big book together and then other times i don't care or think about it at all

It's always a me type bitch doing me type shit

guys hello i’m you new babysitter!!