you’ve got a real Pirates of the Caribbean energy, you know that? no no, it’s not a compliment

I know not what characters Kingdom Hearts 4 will be fought with but Kingdom Hearts 5 will be fought with the Bash Street Kids

the infantilisation of culture is going to kill me

beware the perils of an edit function

came to the pub to read my book with a pint and they’re here having a loud and wonderful time

My cat is sleeping on top of the dehumidifier. I'm going to wait until she's fully dehydrated then drop and shatter her and consume the resultant shards for on-the-go bursts of joy.

The lunchman’s gambit has improved my life so much that I’ve started fantasizing about 3pm or even 4pm lunches. One wonders when exactly lunch becomes dinner

in an ongoing discussion with myself about whether i should be wearing black band shirts in my mid thirties

in an ongoing discussion with myself about whether i should be wearing black band shirts in my mid thirties

Humans from the village visited my cave to tell me I can no longer make my delicacy, "peeled human." You can probably guess who got peeled next.

seriously why does this app make my phone overheat, is it so CPU intensive to show me text posts of scotsmen talking about beans?

Every workplace can be divided into Knights, Dragons, and Goblins

healing visualisation: biting into the perfectly ripe nectarine I had waited three days to eat, slightly warm from being kept in the car

road hardened owner-operator of a weird energy

we could rationalise all this genre tags down to just “annoying”

though it was good in its era, arrested development has an outsized role in the redditification of TV and how people consume it

reflecting on the JLS branded condoms - “just love safe”

someone got kicked out of a local black metal show for his sonnenrad tattoo and defended himself with “I can’t choose what’s on my skin” which is a beautiful thing to say about a tattoo of all things

what? no?

faddish behaviour makes people eat collagen soup and fetishise magnesium

it’s amazing how, no matter how intensively you wargame and rehearse a social situation in advance in your mind, the scenario that actually plays out will always differ. I will not stop and I refuse to learn.

going to the pub allows you to do many things such as eat crisps sat in a different chair

i took my glasses off and put them somewhere to have a bath and my wife is out so now i’m wandering my house trying to find them like a lost soul trying to find its way out of purgatory

who’s ready for some sacred choral classical 😤

The Allman Brothers Band titled it “Jessica” because if you load the song into a DAW that’s what it spells

tell you what i’ve got a right Tin Tin looking ass mfer in my eyeline right now. i can’t even figure out if he’s handsome because he looks like he’s been drawn. inauthentic

[John F. Kennedy, on a warm Dallas Afternoon] Hey Jackie watch this lol

just caught a whiff of BO so powerful it unlocked memories from a past life. i remember you man. 12th century bazaar, you were fucking me over on a pound of grain

trying to explain anything from the internet in 2008 to a modern person makes you realise we were giving a lot of good faith to things that were supposed to be funny. why was keyboard cat good, exactly?

don’t look a gift horse in the mouth - this is where the tongue phantom resides

just in my regular vegan cafe and someone was asking at length about getting a cake made to order for his kid's birthday, after ~15 mins discussion he asked if he could have it low sugar. Make me a low sugar vegan cake? Motherfucker go back to Scarborough Fair and stop wasting people's time

at the curryhouse last night the waiter did a drive by loud yawn to tell us he wanted us to fuck off so they could close early. i’m in two minds, on one hand hell yeah fuck work, on the other i’m still picking at these orange slices dawg, gimme a minute

May all beings be peaceful. May all beings be happy. May all beings be safe. May all beings drive an enormous vehicle into a gaping pit in the earth. May all beings be free.

babe do you think this jacket makes me look too caudillo? or not caudillo enough?

a peal of thunder resounds and the townsfolk stand astounded - the latest halfhearted new oreo flavour has been revealed

waking up in the morning and somehow being surprised that the horrors are still present

doing things in earnest in england is illegal. that’s why nothing functions, much preferable to looking like you tried

yes we're getting murky, yes we're getting turbid, it's fetid wetland time and you all love it

Angrily crumpling the letter informing me my 2.5 kinsey status has been downgraded to 1.75 due to inactivity

twin peaks giant dot jpeg

healing visualisation: the water at Tolmin Gorge is an uncanny blue and the scene is only partially spoilt by the german tourists dicking around

It makes no difference what men think of six. Six endures. As well ask men what they think of stone. Six was always here. Before seven was, six waited for it. The ultimate number awaiting its ultimate next number.

a cat will suck the air from a babe's lungs. a dog will fill them with dog air, like a bellows

it’s only recently that posters have directed their posts at their mutuals, prior to modern times posters would instead turn away and post into the apse

thinking of working as a Jenny Holzer tribute act. ALL EARNESTNESS WILL BE PUNISHED. How’s that?

r/teethingrings “Hey everyone I’ve been on the TRG a while and this gum stuff is no joke lol. Just wanted to check if a Nuby is a good option to start with for a beginner or if it’s worth spending the extra cash for custom?”

gonna be honest, as a beret wearer this john travolta shit has me v worried