Do you wish to undergo the The Threefold Privations for the customary period of time, or would you rather attend The Court of Rex Dolorum Judicium?

I once had a locum GP use the term "neuro-spicy" during an appointment, which left me feeling a certain way

I've acted foolishly, and so I got the stinking slurry on my clothes. I will have to change into another practical and comfortable outfit now!

Was going to make a joke there that was so contrived and unfunny I would have been compelled to send myself a death threat.

If you're happy and you know it, raise your hands! If you have NOT raised your hand, please follow your Section's assigned Holistic Wellness Officer to the assessment bay.

We have identified your attachment style, captain. Prepare to be boarded.

Banging my fists on the table after finding out that a macdonalds salad has more calories than a big mac phoning my boss an telling him I'm taking a mental health day. screaming at a drive through worker so loudly that I start crying

"Peace on Earth", heh, sounds nice. You ever read Thomas Hobbes kid? He was an English guy who wasn't scared to speak his fricking mind...

Whirling my bullroarer above my head in a clear threat display after seeing an unpalatable post on "blue sky dot app"

Showing my displeasure by unravelling my bullroarer at the bus station

The Perplexing Case of the Riddlepig has been solved by strenuous efforts in empathy that, for a brief moment, allowed us to transcend the barriers imposed upon us by long-determined cirucmstance

Ground News, the perfect tool for the Well-Informed Voter - which is the most dangerous type of Median Voter.

Bugs...beasties...they're just normal to me.

Americans will go to the "gas station" to buy a sausage called a "slim jim", which they eat while sitting in their Ford F150

Dreamt that I went into a charity shop to buy a cheap fleece - it's possible that I was cold, and my subconscious relied on my experience as a consumer to make sense of this frightening phenomenon

sick of "expert reacts" videos . i want someone who doesn't know what the fuck they're talking about to tell me what's going on

If you like young adult fiction but can't be bothered reading, you might enjoy anime. Haha only joking! Some of them are good, but let's not get carried away.

My grandparents loved to tell a story about one of my uncles, their largest son, about how he'd come home from work and eat an entire loaf of bread and enough soup for a family of 4

Stuck on the concept of "tanned grandpas" - very funny to me, apologies in advance.

Cruise ships are where tanned grandpas go for one last great expenditure before the metastases tuck them in for the big sleep.

Please don't interpret my unofficial title as "least bribed city council member" as reluctance to take bribes. It's more reflective of a lack of opportunities that I would be open to.

Oversell and under deliver - when they get upset with me, I tell them "you need to calm down"

Coleslaw, the Realist's Salad

Sometimes I like to read temperament descriptions of different dog breeds. You'll read something that says "this dog is very friendly and loves to run about" and you can think "well that's nice!".

People will visit Edinburgh, not realising that by making the pavement slightly more congested my efficient route to the bus station is seriously impeded by their lollygagging

Saw a well-dressed older woman in Edinburgh wearing what at first glanced appeared to be an Order of Lenin. I soon realised it was just a stylish brooch, that didn't recognise her meritorious contributions to the USSR

An unforgettable collab between The Pro-Social Gamer and Tanned Grandpa TONIGHT on Flange, the free-speech streaming platform

Yes, hello, good afternoon. Sorry to bother you, but I've been on the internet recently, and the way you're standing doesn't seem to display "cock confidence". Are you feeling somewhat nervous? I would like to help.

Noticed that your theory of mind is different to mine. Care to explain?

People ask me "what's your secret?" even before they demonstrate that they will use violence to extract information - which is typically ineffective

Spending a languid Sunday morning walking up and down the gorgeous spiral staircase in my palatial villa

To someone with an understanding of geopolitics, "live, laugh, love" speaks to a certain...naïveté

On the one hand, yes, it's nice to be able to eat strawberries in December. On the other hand, from the bottom of my heart I think the Briton should have to subsist on dried peas most of the year

Taking a median voter into the woods to show them a decaying roe deer carcass.

Learning about the negative connotations of swearing

I cannot be held accountable for the telomere shortening you inevitably undergo while reading my communiques.

A refreshing beverage on a Sunday afternoon. Simple as.

Absolutely enormous Danish flag being flown in a back garden in Kinross. It's possible a Big Dane lives there?

Telling your grandad that they're increasing the student loan interest rates so they can rejuvenate the Great British High Street with sculptures of spitfires, good old fashioned common sense, and blitz spirit so he puts me in the will

Telling your nan that the government will be taxing pensions to fund demolishing The Great British High Street so they can be replaced with cycle paths.

I will no longer be allowing pensioners onto the bus before me until the triple lock is abolished x

I am advocating for immediate imprisonment for anyone that has ever conducted, abetted, featured or participated in any way in a vox populi interview.

If you asked me "what do Rowan and Hawthorn have in common?" I'd probably say they both have lovely white flowers followed by bright red fruits

I will not soon forget that in September of 2012, that Gloagburn Farms Shop & Cafe served me a sandwich that was not only wildly overpriced, but underfilled and dry. The filling that was present was paltry, and the bread insipid. I would liken the shop to a highwayman, that sets upon travellers

An interesting manifesto @electionlit.bsky.social

When I was a wee boy they'd send us down the coup to count string and bundle up old newspapers. We'd take them down to the strongman and we'd get a ha'penny but - which was enough to buy 3 pounds of toffee

Just had some soju there for the first time. Well done Korea, really have to give this one to you.

What a pleasure it is to be back in Dundee, Scotland's foremost city, The Jewel of the Tay, even for one day

The problem with metal music is that it's full of wankers and most of it is absolutely shite. You can't appreciate it unless you accept this

You dwell in the valleys, your swear fealty, scratch at the earth and pay taxes 🤣🤣🤣