landing a discord ban for saying "balderdash"

The Rendolent Parfumier has Invited You To A Midnight Scent-Bath - Sniff twice to accept

prefer a full time show myself. Just a joke for my american friends.

Our "I'm in the mood for chum" marketing campaign has been a complete failure, people we have hoodwinked into buying our chum are just flinging it into the ocean by the bucketfull

hell is a big scary room

give me one thousand quid right now

the bravest people in the world are selling stolen kerosene for £1 a litre on FB marketplace

"palm pilot" used to mean a small man that guides the motions of your hands, but now it just means computer

big man is experiencing everyday situational stress - a team of crack Swedish masseuses are being deployed via HALO drop to break his spine.

Telling a cashier that I'm going to "Barthelona" and accidentally spitting in their eye. They immediately draw their sidearm and execute a perfect Mozambique drill

my most opinion is that we have got to

sometimes when I go into a cafe for a fry-up, they'll serve it with chopped chives or a pea-shoot on top. Who do you think I am? Do you think that's appropriate? This country has gone to the fucking dogs.

My ai personal assistant keeps sending me pictures of a dog that keeps getting sicker and sicker. I know it's not real but it's beginning to affect my productivity and my cloud storage is nearly full

Q: I'm trying to get a pump going but people keep pelting me with rotten veg and dung. What's going on? A: you are currently being held in the stocks for 1 day and 1 night

You see a white land rover and a labradoodle, I see a future vanguard for counter-principled wrongheadedness

The international standards organisation should be armed and empowered to enforce the adoption of unified standards by any means necessary

My detractors are often seen driving their white land rovers under 2 miles to take their labradoodles for a walk - justice will fall upon their heads like a cave in, sudden and unstoppable

In 2012 you could get 6 billion dollars in round A funding for a direct to consumer company called "Mash Dandy" - all involved are now in pauper's graves

Whoopsie_Daisy_REVERB(DISTORTION).MP4 has been downloaded to your device - play now?

Sorry lads were going to have to cancel the super soldier project, their ability to carry out horrendous violence is matched by a deep well of compassion which guides their every deed.

The lads have discovered the spring doors stopper and are taking turns to bat at it, with a reverence that suggests superstition. I'll have to monitor the situation in case it gets out of hand.

These days I'm e'r sipping on Master Kong's Lemon Ice Tea

Need a Marxist-Leninist to tell me I'm deeply unserious. I need to feel something. Something inconsequential.

Depressive suicidal black metal solo project about being on the bus called "Ever Onward to The Stationary Abyss"

Compassionate Property Tips from The Empathic Realtor

like and share if you could go for some tasty food

Why is there commonly a fool employed to be in attendance at Dagestani weddings? I've done my research, have you?

Most people have no idea what is going on in the comments section of KAVKAZ BEATS - I am like the Steven Seagal of Caucasus youtube

hey, welcome to my "chillout zone". There are a lot of rules to follow so listen attentively

Around about the turn of the new millennium, there was a lot of enthusiasm for gels. For a while it looked like we were moving away from pastes completely

GitS is a programme about a cyborg team who will shoot you in the head for violating the rules based international order, and their commander, Francis Fukuyama

Never engaged with "discourse" ONCE. I'm making business calls on my flip phone - on to my main man in Taipei

GitS is a programme about a cyborg team who will shoot you in the head for violating the rules based international order, and their commander, Francis Fukuyama

Every member of the Prague Philharmonic Orchestra wanted to shake my hand, but I said no that will take too much time. I will shake the hand of the conductor and then he can distribute that shake amongst you based on order of precedence.

My homies are powerful, and grow in strength every day. They have solid gold ingots, and can earn the trust of animals effortlessly. They are like the wind.

Seeing a dog walk on its hind legs as if it were a man radicalised me

Two lads. No. Two Men. Two Men sharing a didgeridoo, one at each end, sharing an unforgettable sensual experience where they share one breath and one vision.

Loose lips sink ships, but shoosh sips link lips

I'm built DIFFERENT. Muscle memory of a rat in the body of a man. I am lunging at customers of an airport Macdonald's every day trying to survive

Filial piety speedrun - buy a drink for every single extended relative - has been a complete success

KNACKERT. Need power and strength.

Flawless like Wallace On it like Gromit

Ok guys. Let's re-set and circle back around to this in a team huddle later. Next time there will be two live rounds in the cylinder instead of one.

On Reddit you will see people saying "they fucked up" by eating an edible. That's...fucking...that's so mental man.

My maw has a powerful candle

If it was the early 20th century, I'd be asking a chemist to inject me with a concotion we both agree to call a tonic. If this was still an option, I think we'd all be sending and reading a lot more emails.

Remember, anglophones - a century of humiliation isn't actually that long on a geological timescale

someone should make a web-comic about gaming