One jokes thing about living in the arctic and near a NATO base is there's a non-trivial chance Sergei slams a Mig directly into my living room

UN Security Council have voted to "explode my shit" NATO SecGen Rutte reportedly "frothing at the gills"

The cat's judging my knob didn't sign up for this tbh

Odunze's lil AfroCollar is an incredibly powerful aesthetic

Our flag means Jeff

She Oof! on my Huh?! til I Wow!

DID I, OR DID I NOT, TELL YOU THAT ODUNZE WAS THE TRUTH??

Gyrating rhythmically after discovering leftover beef slice™️®️©️ in the fridge

We gonna brocade ya dick, playboy

Heard your man has a carbon fibre hull...

Whole bunch a remedial yankees predicting a rapture next week, one to keep an eye on for some light chuckles

Buff your jeans up big boy we dumpin reckless out here

Oscar Piastri DNF (Pussy Fell Off 😢)

¡muy testicular!

Oi bossman you better bless me 100 mars bars or I will kill myself immediately in this Tesco Express

Think it would be a Cuban heel and aggressive chest hair winter if I didn't live in the fucking arctic circle smh my head damn

Legionella for the table, darling?

Ringing up a scientist and bothering them about their Petri dishes

I wouldn't let an orangutan loose on my junk tbh #Recipie4DisASSter

Officer! Queef that man!

Bill Hader is hitting me with 400 spin kicks because I have no idea who he is

Bro mans they shoved a loafer clean up my jacksie

Bro does NOT understand how fruit works

It's kinda goated to hang out with your wang out

Single digits and breezy so you know we gotta EXPAND

Honestly they should just let me be a supermodel

Always get it confused which way round it is with secular Vs non-secular. As in like, who's who.

I'm built like this btw

In Bermuda getting the piss beat out of me by an aging Hokkaido salaryman with a bull whip

Sometimes store brand nacho cheese flavour tortilla chips taste like straight up farts

Lowkey think I deserve more credit for creating ass friday

Crud is gunk as fuck

You come into my yurt? And have the temerity to ask why the chaffinch gets a shrine?

Trousers and boxers have conspired all day to show the office a perfect outline of my penis and testicles, rendering me largely immobile

getting "juicy" tattooed on my shaft

SLAmmin my PENIS in the CAR! DOOR! I fought the door and, the door won I fought the door and, the door won

Live from the TurboYurt of the Astral Plane

Babe we're grunting in here

Thinking about getting a slutty little thigh tattoo

🎵Baby girl! Is that dick (ooh yeah!) on SaaS licensing scheme?🎵

They're making a DLC for my assed hole

Eurgh they're making me fly Ryanair to this conference

International cock or ball Is it big or is it small

Sending an email to all colleagues reminding them that it's time to greet the world with a smile

The Vatican Archives are hiding the fact Jesus had a black labrador called Stella who loved crisps

Puttin milk in the vape juice Wisconsin style

Eye of newt is a fucking crackhead ingredient tbh. Fucking witches.

More like the library of dongress lol gottem

🎵Drinking up a pint of glue, it's the noble thing to do!🎵

Big man I'm gonna need you to administer 50ccs of rotisserie chicken stat or I shall perish