Dropkicking a Maoist pomegranate through your nans conservatory

Superbowl Sunday always takes me back to that crisp January morning where I was informed I would indeed be starting at left guard for the Oakland Raiders

Stained arse windows

in the baldur's gate TV continuity Gale's chest hole has healed into a fine chussy

You will never convince me that I wouldn't medal on my first attempt at ski jump. I would just be goated at it immediately.

I met my wife on Grokipedia

Sweet threenis bro lemme see the tips clap

Bro you gotta be nibbling me gently lest you draw the ire of the great androgenape of the Thames Barrier Reef

BRO WE ARE GOING TO KILL THE YELLOW KING OF CARCOSA

Having a dreadful run of form with bags being delivered to the belt even remotely on time. I just want to go home, not stand in regional airports

In da gulf biting

Inventing Málaga from first principles

Answering the phone mid dump and just blasting

Bone merchant, bone merchant, sell me a bone

Welcome to Jacob Rees-Mogg's Juche Masturbatorium

Need 2 Poo: Forced 2 Stew

Greetings from Mr. Hello

Something bizarrely comforting about a well lit carpark in the wee hours. Especially as the birds start to wake up for the dawn chorus.

Can already tell this hangover will bedevil me in the morning. Who's bright idea was it to book a 6.40am flight. Arse.

Not now kitten, daddy's roping out an absolute shambles of a shit here

Asking the hotel if they can launder my tired and weary hoop

Perilous Jizzms.

Speedrun this dique if you fresh enuff

There is seemingly an RAF officers party taking place in my hotel. Might ask for a medal

Small cousins still think I'm top elite sigma baller which is nice, despite the fact I am absolutely chopped and unc

Up the fucking chairboys cmon

Mr Sandman Bring me no figs I have no room In my small student digs

🎶 We're smockin on a Balinese Java Blend🎶

Taking off my trousers and fillin em with peanut butter n hamb

Counterpoint

Wait found this...

Hello is that Domino's Pizza? Boil me up a slice, daddy's home.

Feel like having a friend called Moshe could open up a new realm of possibilities for Himbo in the sunny summer of 2026.

Said it before will say it again the Dominos pizza tracker is up there with the wheel for human innovations

Dear Paulie Phrases DM me a ham sandwich as soon as possible. Heavy on the mustard. Yours, Himbeaux "Heaven's Roulade" DuLuques

Load of the Rings

They're building a cargo terminal on my rump

Always forget how grimy and dingy the UK is in general until I return. A nation submerged in a puddle, dog ends barely floating above the mire

My colleagues, to themselves, as they ram the microwave to the brim with boiled egg

cracking creampie, gromit!

SAS keep delaying my flight I swear to GOD I'm gonna sit here patiently and mind my own business

Releasing a 4 TB trove of dick pics as a system exclusive for the Switch 2

Running through Gardemoen bellowing GALAHAD at the top of my lungs until I'm tazed by a Travel Value employee

Artetenyahu is such an S tier slander name I laugh every time I read it

Big egg Friday you stinky bitch!

In the airport bar demanding mas huevos

Up the Sámi let's fuckin go, Lihkku beivviin to the lads

Asking my coworker if the new hire “looks like a Theodore Swims enthusiast” And getting slapped with a desktop phone

Hoo roo ya dog cunt we're from ONI and we hear you've been on an absolute ripper ya bogan

Listen man I'm a #RealShitter I'll drop trou left right and centre I've taken shits in places these 'alphas' wouldn't go with a gun and back up I bet they've never had to hold the door closed with one leg whilst ripping off a loaf in the remnants of an Ass Casualty Event (shout out London Victoria)