pull up the clubs playing unreleased richard vein

Q: you seem ancient. are you ancient? A: haha. I get that a lot

hummus and tortillas for lunch #fuck

for the love of all that's oily

in the blinkuving eye

'nosdías

today your city will be whelmed by a weather event called a Dark Bulb

darkness be with you or whatever, my son

sometimes I just get the urge to charge the shit out of my phone

I'm always saying this

who and I

in the 22nd century there's gonna be guys named Beep

a gathering of geese is a gaggle, of sheep a herd, and of cousins a Cuss Word Olympics

Stabbing in your direction with a crooked finger and muttering a powerful, secret word.

when I'm not smiling I'm dreaming about smiling

(gesturing towards Weemu-Neenu) I'd like to introduce you to my peer from another sphere, Weemu-Neenu Weemu-Neenu: Weemu Neenu!

there's a new type of bug called a hog bug. and it's taking a lot of places by storm

my fate when:

my nephew just swore a binding vow of fealty to me. what should I make him do

trending topics include pieces of lint being found in bellybuttons worldwide

Ohhh dude that's crazy. In my realm we call them 'corner stores' because everything there costs a single chipped-off corner from one of our square coins

having a foodgasm from a cracker

pointing my telescope at the dark sky and instantly getting traumatized by the sight of a rotting alien corpse

If you call me a fucker, a fucker I'll be. Now feel my Fucker's Claw

were I to meet any of you in person I'd greet you with my most powerful Hello

a wise man told me that the world is a nut yet to be cracked. the world is a peanut. peanut earth theory

game called Glory Tactics II: Win The Skirmish

follow my wuxia web serial called I Was Taller Than My Homie But When We Met In The Afterlife His Soul Was Twice The Size-- Now I Must Cultivate

My name is James Vat-Clone

(patching in to mission control) how are we feeling about my trajectory, gang?

curse you and may you ever be wrapt in darkness

I would very much like the world to be made right.

apparently I've become Mr. Yawning

shoots you with my Dirty Bubble technique

watch me make this sprinkle disappear

furiously blows my antwhistle, silent to human ears

that old bastard Death has an intensely strange fascination with hamsters and gerbils

interrupting our first dinner date by sighing heavily, then asking "do you like it when guys throw up?"

I fell down an open manhole and now I live amid ten thousand commingled craps

the dust mite wars rage on

hello versus hi. begin

butter the insides of your pockets so you can grab stuff from them quicker

congrats on the newborn son. can I decide his fate?

(pouring my 100th cup of tea for the day) little cup of tea never hurt nobody

The Everything App sucks greater and greater amounts of balls by the day

my thingy bark like a belgian malinois

"mama mia!" ejaculated mario