At some point, I started having an opinion about how my groceries are bagged — and I don’t like it.

I choked on a gummy bear and my nipples got hard. I’ll bring this up in therapy.

2026 needs more 80's synth.

Gentlemen, we have gathered here today in this yard to discuss my milkshake.

Bari Weiss running CBS News is the same idea as Pete Hegseth running the Department of Defense.

Tonight's movie is a certified winter classic. No notes.

Just finished this—wow. Bleak, precise, and impossible to shake. Recommended.

Cheers, sweetie.

𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗽𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗿, 𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟱 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺. 𝗘𝘅𝗶𝘁.

No one forget to turn off your computer tonight.

I miss when being a millennial meant you were young.

Seeing my trainer after the holidays.

Heated Rivalry is so cute, I wish gay guys were real.

A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.

Plans until January 5th.

Is it over?

All clocks are decorative during the week between Christmas and New Year.

These are dangerous.

If the cat scene in The Muppet Christmas Carol still makes you laugh, you’re my kind of person.

I’m too old to jingle all the way. I’ll jingle until about 9pm.

Beverly Crusher heard there will be three ghosts tonight, and now she’s excited and horny.

The joy this picture brings me.

They should let should let Rachel Maddow get belligerently drunk on air whenever she has to report on a particularly stupid story.

See a fox, post a fox

Nicki Minaj thinking she can have a music career built on MAGA fandom.

The Enterprise-D appreciation post that you needed in your day.

Happy winter solstice — the shortest day in the longest fucking year of our lives.

I just remembered I have cake in the fridge.

Oh, you’re absolutely going to the cottage. God damned right.

Here's to ya', lads. 🖖🏻

When did everything get so loud?

I love when my Apple Watch congratulates me for reaching an exercise goal when I stand up.

Effective immediately, my diet is 50% chocolate and 50% cheese until January 1st.

What I picture every time someone says “rizz.”

Do people who run marathons know they don't have to?

Still mad that Kevin didn’t get a single bite of that mac and cheese.

We live in a world where people need to be told this.

Be a bitch. You never know who’s having a good day they don’t deserve.

My friend Taylor got ghosted three times in one night, so I’m calling him Ebeneezer for the duration of the holidays.

You will have a good day. That’s a threat.

🤬

Finally got around to this. It's vivid and very human — not dry economic history. Recommend.

me too, Marge. me too.

An offer I can’t refuse.