i've been awake for ten hours and have watched perhaps 5 season of Rick and Morty on Max, ask me anything

ok but what if Frances Tiafoe and i kissed but just for a moment as a joke haha lol ok but

in my mind i’m bringing Tate McRae “Greedy” to the dance floor but in reality it’s more Kendrick “Squabble Up”

The best seat in the house is @jacksonhowell.bsky.social's dick and looking at his handsome face.

i have taken SO MUCH Tylenol in my life. i am either super autistic with no diagnosis (many doctors who have kinda thought maybe, but) or maybe no?

Pg tummy Tuesday

it's so funny to me that you have to submit forms with vaccinations to get into a school these days but my high school had an open door where you just enter and maybe (?) stop at the office and just be like "i work at the oil change place on the corner" and they would be like ok off you pop

gays think the NFL isn't for them, but it's great and fun and could be even better if they LET COLIN KAEPERNICK DO HIS THING but also hot guys, so

ok this isn't meant to be mean (because he would laugh about it too) but one of my friends on Insta (that I dated a very long time ago) who is a wonderful man and accomplished pediatrician - posted a pic with his kid their HS class and he is the shortest by almost a foot and it's great

80s-90s shows were so funny, there was a Saved By The Bell episode where they chained themselves to equipment to protest oil drilling but then like 100 other episodes where no one gave a fuck about the environment

it's so fun to make fun of vegans, because what are they going to do - chase you? they barely had enough iron for their Holistic Mindfulness class at the yurt this afternoon

<extremely Counting Crows voice> well it's been a long Elul and there's reason to believe, maybe this Shana will be better than the last

i don't fully get guys sometimes. "sorry i missed your text i was at the grocery store lol" "these pics are so hot, i really want to see your hole LOL" what exactly do you think lol means

my fiancé always rolls his eyes when I make a joke like “if there is one thing you can’t resist, it’s a pun!” if it’s two things, it’s cocaine

you guys i got raptured and this is crazy but they are playing Camila Cabello really loud and there are crop tops and sparkly jeans everywhere and wait ok fuck i’m at a Forever 21

my niece's birthday is next week and it's so hard to choose the KPOP Demon Hunters merch that will annoy my sister the most

i think Mike from Married to Real Estate on HGTV might be hot but i can't quite tell because his wife never shuts the fuck up

if you pitched 2025 to the film executive who greenlit Armageddon in 1998 he would be like, “nope too unrealistic, pass”

do we seriously need to have Donald Trump as our representation at the UN? it's like they let America into Eurovision and we sent Smashmouth

so many jokes about Tylenol, like it's not insanely dangerous. it was invented 1955 but somehow was able to go back in time and cause Autism which was identified in 1912. who's laughing now.

i love when some human rights group will come out with a report about women’s rights globally being in severe crisis and on Fox News one of the rich white blonde republican hosts will be like “i dont know what that stupid bitch is talking about, things have never been better”

does Trump think the UN is some kind of Dean Martin Roast or something

this ass clown representing us at the UN is so embarrassing; i would honestly prefer Magneto, and he even tried to kill them

Swifties getting raptured today a week before she releases her new album

by no means do i think i know every exercise one can do but sometimes i see people walk up to a cable machine, grab a rope, and start flailing - and i cannot for the life of me figure out what they think they are doing

apparently at 3:17 this morning i awoke and wrote a joke about Ed Sheehan in my notes app that i thought was funny. it does not make sense and i do not remember this

if you don't get raptured today it's ok just think of all the free shoes

congrats on your day, bisexuals (frankly you should get two days)

when a scab finally flakes off

oh fuck they got Ariana

so do we have to dress up today, or can we just do like shorts and a tank top? sorry, this is my first rapture

all of us getting raptured tomorrow

all these people out here worried about getting raptured. i've seen The Leftovers, i'll stay here and jog with Justin Theroux in his grey sweatpants

gay halloween is so stressful because of the pressure to come up with an original costume idea; the worst feeling is going through all of that work getting your look together, getting to the party and there is ANOTHER slutty Greta Thunberg

Nicholas Hoult did cute kid actor to hot adult actor better than almost anyone

showing up at my hot straight neighbor's garage gym the night before the rapture because it's now or never

still haven't seen Weapons; is it more "waiting for the results of an STI test" scary or "Madonna without Photoshop" scary

oh fuck, rapture already started

see how pressure works with ABC? keep up the fight, Happy Endings fans who still think they can get them to change their minds after 12 years

this really petty pet peeve of mine is people calling or writing in to a show with a question to which the answer is readily available in seconds. you could find out the answer so fast and not wait and hope for a response.

one of the fun things about gays online is that a site will post about a male celebrity and someone will need to jump in the comments to say that "he used to go to my gym, saw him in the shower a lot and he was packing, probably 6.5" soft" ok, none of this happened

sometimes i see a guy and think “hey daddy” and then i remember my age and i’m like

I'm at my heaviest and not mad about it

one of my more charming qualities is leaving sweat angels on gym benches

i remembered my gym socks today

so many guys focus on trying to put up as much weight as they can in the gym but really the more important thing is just that you are doing more than the dude next to you so you can show him who the boss is around here

dreamt last night that one of my old roommates and i kept trying to jerk off together but our plans kept being foiled, which is weird because we never did that (we were more like brothers and it would have been kinda weird). we did fuck once when we were high tho. ok twice but one was a 4-way

so cool that today is the 30th anniversary of Fincher's "Seven" and i still remember seeing it in the theatre which is just great and does not make me feel old in the least

really didn't think summer would ever end but i guess Tarsem predicted this day 20 wars ago