Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
@hormonella.bsky.social
๐ค 3746
๐ฅ 3023
๐ 1257
My body is not my temple Itโs more like my bar and grill
pinned post!
wake up and smell the sarcasm
over 1 year ago
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
John Lyon
about 10 hours ago
You canโt hurt me. I read the news.
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itโs 109ยฐ in Phoenix right now so tell me again about YOUR fucking heat wave, Europe
about 9 hours ago
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
Dak
3 days ago
I hope I survive the zombie apocalypse long enough to see two zombies making out so I can yell โGET A TOMBโ.
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
Mal
5 days ago
I like my men like I like my coffee: I gave up coffee
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not to brag but I also struggle with flat sheets
1 day ago
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
Theciscokidder
3 days ago
It's Father's Day and the longest day of the year. That's so on-brand for the patriarchy.
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazyโข๏ธ
3 days ago
Not much, just hanging with my debilitating sadness.
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Know what causes algae blooms? Urine.
3 days ago
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
๐ฑ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
7 days ago
โI hate his gutsโ is pretty oddly specific. How do you feel about his knees?
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
CynicalTherapist
6 days ago
Screaming various curse words into tiny jars and arranging them alphabetically.
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itโs the anniversary of my second failed marriage
add a skeleton here at some point
6 days ago
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
Dumb Beezie
8 days ago
A social media app that does not allow a lie to be posted and if you try again it shocks you
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
๐ฑ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
9 days ago
She was effervescent, like an industrial acid spill.
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a โframework deal to end warโ sounds suspiciously like a โconcept of a planโ
9 days ago
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
[Sic] Burns
11 days ago
Hang that tarp over the whole damn country
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
Jack Boot
12 days ago
A dog party! A big dog party!
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wash face brush teeth kiss dog on the face repeat
11 days ago
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
Scott_Towel
over 2 years ago
And then Jesus had to, like, reduce his carbon footprint or something and that's why you were alone on the beach.
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
Melicious
12 days ago
Look at me with your eyes and you will see only who I am now. Look at me with your heart you will see who I've been, and who I can become.
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when God invented tits she knew theyโd come in handy someday for wiping the smudges off our smartphones
12 days ago
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
A Shot of Steveโข โก๏ธ
13 days ago
Group chat sounds too much like the lunch room in high school.
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
DaddyJew
5 months ago
Iโm a bad influence but a heck of a good time
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sometimes social media is like having a dear pet you can say things here you might not say anywhere else and sometimes thatโs all you need
13 days ago
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
DaddyJew
13 days ago
โone bottle of champagne, please" sure, what's the occasion? "im a drunk!โ
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
Granite Man
14 days ago
I'm not rude, I'm selectively friendly and you weren't selected.
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Oh, itโs hot where you are? Know what you can do about it? Shut the fuck up about it.
14 days ago
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
Julie Lavender Menace ๐ณ๏ธโโง๏ธ
15 days ago
"You have warm eyes." "Thank you. Please get your fingers out of them."
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
korpisworld
28 days ago
My dog wakes up every day like: โOh boy! Breakfast! Walking! Urinating! Defecating!โ I miss that kind of optimism.
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I am covered in dog slobber. That is all.
15 days ago
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
Charlie Alzamora
16 days ago
Please keep dogs off grass and other controlled substances.
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
Amish Super Model
25 days ago
They should invent some sorta hat where you donโt have to do thisโฆ
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Ladies, when a super loud truck with a gigantic muffler races by you in a black cloud of diesel exhaust, do you immediately want to commence sexual activities with the driver or nah?
17 days ago
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
๐ฑ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
17 days ago
By all means, autocorrect, letโs tell everyone to seize the daydrinking.
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
Dumb Beezie
18 days ago
I always said I was going to get my shit together before the world ends but I changed my mind
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have your people wake my people
18 days ago
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
Uffdafuckingda
20 days ago
Iโm apparently unapproachable. Whew. That was a close one.
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
DaddyJew
20 days ago
Doctor: are you an active marijuana user? Me: nah, im pretty chill
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New Personal Best: steps onto elevator presses one stands there (I was on the first floor)
20 days ago
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
[Sic] Burns
20 days ago
If Iโve put you on mute it means Iโm hearing your posts in that sound that Peanuts grownups make when they speak
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
Granite Man
22 days ago
Yeah, I got that dog in me. *specifically, separation anxiety and a profound fear of the vacuum cleaner
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they said โdo what you loveโ so I went back to bed
22 days ago
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
[Sic] Burns
24 days ago
If we are all godโs children then Iโm the one that eats paste
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
Canadian Bacon
26 days ago
Any vegetable can make you cry if youโre sad enough. Donโt let onions take all the credit.
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occasionally I spend the night at my sisterโs to remind myself how much I love hotels
24 days ago
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
Brick's House ๐
26 days ago
[first day of helicopter school] (me, zipping fly back up): please excuse me i have made a grievous mistake
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
Mr. Bea Arthur, Batshit Crazyโข๏ธ
29 days ago
I donโt like to brag, and itโs easy because Iโm terrible.
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On a scale of one to walking up to a glass door that isnโt automatic and just standing there perplexed, how hung over are you?
28 days ago
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
DaddyJew
29 days ago
the suspense of not knowing what's the dumbest thing im going to do today is killing me
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Mrs. Dick Helicopter ๐ฉ๐บ
John Lyon
28 days ago
My Fair Lady but itโs me teaching people on social media how to use commas and apostrophes.
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If they have one of those safety bars in the hotel shower and you don't pretend you're a naked wet ballerina, youโre not me.
28 days ago
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