Private security firms are trying to rip me off because they know I’m a rube

Living by the sword: yes, hahaha, this rules Dying by the sword: wtf is this shit

There has never been a better time to release an interracial lesbian Christmas movie because the outrage grifters are whisper quiet. Hell, you could probably put a black person in Star Wars right now. The anti-DEI freaks are too busy wallowing in the shame of secretly being pro-CSA all along.

Me and the wife are buying a car and I keep telling the guy that I’m self employed and my wife said “he’s a podcaster” and I wanted to say “woah, she’s lying”

Why isn’t Hannibal Lecter in Eat Pray Love

A big moment for me! Episode 40 of my sketch and character comedy podcast Crowley Time is OUT NOW, and its very special guest is none other than Mr Podcasts, Mr Show alumnus and Mr Peanutbutter himself, Mr Paul F. Tompkins! On your podcast app and at crowleytime.com! @pftompkins.bsky.social

If I ended up in a Pluribus scenario I too would reject becoming part of the unified consciousness but I would absolutely be driving all kinds of cool cars like a goddamn lunatic

One serious tell is his stupid line like "It's not lost on me that the same establishment currently trying to destroy me is the same one that sent me off to fight their wars" HE IS A PRIVILEGED WHITE MAN THAT VOLUNTARILY ENLISTED!!! AND HE HAS CLAIMED HE DID SO BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO MISS A WAR!

genuinely can't tell which part might be funnier, MTG slowly putting together the dots on this, now, at the end of all things, or the possibility that she thinks that nobody else has already

Alan Dershowitz is mad because he considers this stealing valor

me when he says his favorite movie of all time is The Boondock Saints

Dear STAY F. HOMEKINS podcast fam, @pftompkins.bsky.social and I will be releasing our November episode tomorrow night, instead of tonight. Keep an eye on this space!

It’s important to remember that Donald Trump doesn’t like even the people around him that praise him 24/7z The only people he ever seemed to genuinely like were Roy Cohn and Jeffrey Epstein

(Texting the AI jesus this photo) lottery numbers or I send this to ur dad

Spontaneanation with @pftompkins.bsky.social will have a special show Live! Nov 23d At Dynasty Typewriter theater!

THEN YOU PURCHASE THEM AND DO NOT USE THE PROPERTY OF OTHERS

This was never the idea

I am also a podcaster and would like to be in movies and although I am neither young nor attractive I can promise you that I have never knowingly interviewed a white supremacist Contact: UTA

Oh wow @reuters.com got the photo here:

Are you located in the DC-Baltimore-Philadelphia-New York corridor? Have you always wanted to have your very own 11 foot long papier-mâché hammerhead shark? Now available for free! Perfect for museums, community centers, or your living room! Save this lovely creature from imminent destruction!

If beloved clown Bill Irwin shows up in something you better believe I will say “Beloved clown Bill Irwin?” out loud

I am reading Ulysses by James Joyce and as it turns out I don't know how to read

The amount of stupidly needless and needlessly stupid applications of this dumbass technology is legitimately impressive, like they’re TRYING to be terrible. It’s possible that sometimes something actually helpful is stumbled upon and that person gets yelled at

You are infinitely closer to struggling than you ever will be to billionaires

Between Bongino and Bovino we need to start investigating specific collections of letters to see if the combinations are somehow poisonous

IT HAS BEEN 0️⃣ DAYS SINCE SEEING THE NAME SYDNEY SWEENEY

New insult to life itself just dropped

Years ago I was suspended on Twitter for inviting Marco Rubio to swallow ten D batteries, which I don’t see how it could be a threat; he and I were not even in the same room and I have at most six D batteries on hand

This is the most glamorous opening to an article about a white supremacist flattering journalist who lied to her readers and editors while having an affair with narcissistic crank who eats roadkill, swims in sewer water, will cause children to die, and is 50 years her senior that I've ever read.

'Instead of “How are our attitudes being reflected in TV and film?” I think the better question is “How is pop culture attempting to shape and mold attitudes?”' -- @ninametz.bsky.social

NYT EDITORIAL DESK "did you do that Nuzzi profile?" "sure did, boss, real fuckin sexy, just like you liked" "you're correct, i did ask for that, now time to search for my name in the epstein emails"

you can’t be putting this in the paper (gift link but i do not recommend you use it www.nytimes.com/2025/11/14/s...)

A lot of things start to make sense once you come to the conclusion that Donald Trump might have honestly just forgotten he’s a pedophile

Everyday Americans also have identities I think

Again it’s not good that the most prominent leaders of the party keep insisting it’s a trap to talk about “identity” when the Trump administration is pushing white supremacy.

i don't want to hear from anyone who would quote someone to complain about this. you make limiting replies worth it.

she better run

And we knew this. This wasn't speculation. We studied it, we had the talking points. We trained volunteers to explain this to people. It's not a surprise. Rich people don't flee places with good quality of life when we increase the quality of life. They might try to cheat us, but they don't leave.

What does the DMV care if someone twerks in a van, leave the vantwerkers to their vantwerking

Oreoboros

it's so funny that alex jones was totally right about everything, the government is a bunch of drug-addled pedophiles and masked regime thugs are grabbing people off the streets, and now he has to pretend it's all a hoax

Yawns are weird. You're tired? Why don't you open your mouth really big about it? What's that? You're not tired, but you saw someone else open their mouth big? Well, guess what.

There’s no such thing as a contradiction if you are stupid and also don’t care

Honestly I think my imitating this line so much over the years may have led to me thinking ‘Wait, if I’m having so much fun saying this, maybe I got the movie wrong”

For reasons I cannot recall I didn’t like it when it first came out. Watched it last month and it’s fun as hell and gorgeous to look at

all politicians are inauthentic but damn if JD isn't uniquely "3AM infomercial co-host" inauthentic. just the greasiest wettest "wait, Sean, but it must be so hard to clean! and I'm a busy mom of three" transparent sleezeball huckster shit of all time. the fumbling tupperware in black & white dunce.