Do not try to pass off milk toast as rock and roll, I’ll be able to tell

I was at a real party in 2012 where a couple of real producers told me that they were really getting out of the business

I didn’t know that Radio Free Tom went Noland-mode

“Gersh” is the noise that Andrew Dice Clay makes when he’s pretending to cum on stage. That’s my take on news

Chack Norris jokes have no match because of Chack Norris

I think that something we learned this year on Guys is that there is a devoted group of guys that are still working on Chuck Norris jokes and they see inspiration everywhere

When Chuck Norris goes to school the teacher learn a lot from him

You just know this was made by the least funny guy in an office where PDFs are a core part of the job

Sir. During, before and after Christmas/new years are all of the times

What a shitty Christmas gift and believe me, I’ve had jobs give me some really shitty gifts, I think this is the worst one I’ve ever seen

I pay my wife minimum wage for this job

The guy at the car dealership asked how to listen to the podcast and my wife told him and he turned it on in the show room and I was like “uhh, you don’t want to do that”

I bought a car, it’s a base model Honda Civic which means I did not get the most expensive car. I’m a big boy now

Private security firms are trying to rip me off because they know I’m a rube

Back in the early 90s I had to go to Wichita Kansas for the summer to spend it with my mom in her trailer park, they didn’t let us go outside because they said the bloods and crips were everywhere. I was 11 years old and I looked all over the place because I wanted to be in a gang so bad.

Me and the wife are buying a car and I keep telling the guy that I’m self employed and my wife said “he’s a podcaster” and I wanted to say “woah, she’s lying”

Trump hates farms so much

When you are looking for an Airbnb and you see the word “rustic” it means you have to shit in a hole or it’s a house in a hot climate that is constantly on fire

Oooof

I think it’s cool when the grocery store asks you to donate to the food bank but also locks its dumpsters. It just makes sense

Prepping the Christmas guys episode where I go and check in on our guys from the past and see how they spend their Christmas season. A lot of the penis guys are trying to figure out how to tell their family that they need some sort of large penis underwear

Hello Jesus. What are you wearing? How big is your penis? Do you have the biggest penis of all time? If not, who does have the biggest penis of all time? Do you take craps? Are you a giant or a normal sized man? Does my wife love me?

I don’t usually like to check the comments on Patreon because if there is one bad one I will be arguing with the person for the next 3 weeks but I have to do it this week so that I can see if someone has backed up my story that orange pop is the most unhealthy drink in the world

Yeah, seems like a good fit!

Can we get a screwdriver on there?

An effective opposition party would point to this and say “something something health care premiums and inflation”

I’m looking for warm places for my wife and I to vacation in January and Guys has fucked me up so bad that any time i see “adults only resort” it’s an immediate no

Funny to say this on a week where AEW did the most old school pro wrestling show I’ve seen in forever and it was universally well received, these old carnies are really something

Someone stepped on a turd and it made them insane

My full time job is Biker Gang and I make a crisp $30,000 a year and everyone wants to kill me. You better believe it’s worth it

I’m hooting and hollering

Donald Trump standing in the Oval Office trying different magic tricks and telling Chuck Norris jokes to get people to stop talking about Epstein and to start talking about his cool magic tricks and funny Chuck Norris jokes

Every few days I see a bunch of women in cowboy boots walking around my neighborhood and then I look up what’s going on and it’s always someone name Walker Howard or Caleb Hayes or Connor Hamilton.

It’s just impossible to be more of a chode than Ricky Gervais

Man. If it was like 1999 we would be headed to some of the funniest radio of all time

The nostalgia Facebook groups are so weird

Kids today are so stupid that they don’t understand coins

I’m also infamous for my purple hammer

I am of an age where I don’t think I should have to share a Christmas list. It feels like an insane thing to make

When are they gonna have Mark Davis win the title and hold it for a year? Come on already

I personally believe that if you are chanting “we want tables” or doing “what” in 2025 that it is very likely that you have a head injury

Marina Shafir is wearing the same Target socks that I have. Interesting

Folks. I’ve been informed that the Fartologist is back!!!

I do not really enjoy War Games matches so I’m really glad there is an extra half hour of wrestling tonight

This is why I have been begging the government to legalize over the counter percocets

Folks, someone (Chris James) is becoming a bowling guy

Donald Trump is about to go scorched earth on Marjorie Taylor Green and whatever he says is gonna be insane

Trump was acting like a pedophile in private over several emails with another pedophile as a goof. The woke left will never understand comedy