The existence of this piece refutes the premise

sitting in traffic when a smart beautiful woman, w/an amazing personality, walks close by—about 5ft away. i lock my car doors out of respect

1) Reds 2) Royals 3) Mariners 4) Tigers 5) Phillies

It was a scandal in 2016 when Bill Clinton briefly spoke to Loretta Lynch on a tarmac

BREAKING: every NCAA matchup is now a Big Ten matchup

I spent 63 Trumpbucks on gas today

And this is the good sauce!

elon musk is arguing that a 420 joke in connection with a serious financial matter is inappropriate

"i don't even care what's in your pants" - me to a shoplifter

Paul Skenes almost got out of the 1st inning like he almost enlisted in the military

the left shouldn't engage on X for the same reason that bills fans shouldn't engage on pats nation dot com

i could star in the sinners sequel if ryan coogler permits it

i need a few minutes to process this

this is how i played outfield in little league

let me tell you about the golden age of data entry jobs, where being able to open excel and touch type meant you were fully employable

the scorebug for Pirates/Mets is "P0NY0," a blessed tribute to Miyazaki this opening day

i don't regret my harry potter tattoo, which is a wizard taking a massive poop in his robes (this is canon)

the continuous glucose monitor life: sometimes, you just get a bum one that tells you your blood sugar is always 43 or 220

what if the vest is a portal to the negative zone and annihilus comes out of someone's butt

sony and netflix fumbling the bag on an intergalactic level

NEW: Wikipedia has banned AI-generated content.

reddit is significantly larger than X - imagine if anyone ever said "you must engage on reddit to be politically relevant"

does anyone know a celebrity i can argue with about televised adaptations of children's literature

i'm reading conservative arguments against birthright citizenship, almost all of which boil down to "the entire country and every person in it misunderstood citizenship from the moment the 14th Amendment was enacted, but I discovered the truth via the academic equivalent of a YouTube binge"

wow, the IOC is truly a rancid organization

this is the Duke Nukem 3D of wars

thank god someone is looking after the legacy of this smarmy human q-tip

2028 Democratic Primaries NEWSOM: "i'm votemaxxing, chuds" EMANUEL: "i'm going to toss JD Vance in the back of an unmarked van" SHAPIRO: "our children must learn foursquare, and not the app" STEPHEN A SMITH: "to me, the idea of transgender, preposterous"

the weird thing about cursive is that i think it's worthwhile to teach for a number of reasons, including just being able to read what other people write - but it's not a definitional part of childhood!

𝒹𝓇𝒾𝓃𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒽𝑜𝓈𝑒

Sixers on pace to score 160

Quote with a better magic system than HP

Netflix deciding the font size for baseball games

Trying again to get into the Mario + Rabbids games, which appear to be lovingly made and also cannot hold my interest for longer than three minutes

Honestly, fuck off.

This sucks. I met my wife on Sora.

the invasion will be live-streamed by Tony Doukopil

I sleep in a big bed with my wife

"We successfully quashed dissent. But this dissent is okay, for now"

Nate Bargatze announces he is adopting the Gnostic Gospels into a limited series on Peacock Michelle Buteau is currently writing, producing, and directing a series of films based on Steve Ditko's journals

Veal Eggplant Chicken Dry Bread Meatball

reading the mistborn series and thinking about when i was kid and continually held coins in my mouth

this movie would have been so much better if it was titled "MY MOMMY IS MARTHA"

you know, it's okay to tell your columnists they wrote a piece of shit instead of publishing it

No matter how much she fucks up, the bust she commissioned of herself that looks like Steve Perry will always live rent free in my head

There we go

one giant red flag about Platner is that he has a well-documented history of believing the dumbest shit imaginable, and i'm not sure i want to rely on him in a job where he will constantly be required to make decisions while being presented with the dumbest shit imaginable

can't wait until a year from now, when CBS Evening News is just Coleman Hughes and Olivia Reingold awkwardly chatting about Mamdani

Weird to think Trump is going to do 2 to 3 more wildly unpopular, destructive things before the midterms