i'm not even sorry

I know this bit has been incredibly overdone but I really *DID* take a picture of him tonight where he looks like Kate Winslet in Titanic.

all this talk about "finally, the Oscars are acknowledging horror films!" and yet the scariest movie EVER made has still been snubbed smdh

if i were a political cartoonist i would draw greg bovino as a cow (bovine) maybe a mini cow because he is short if any political cartoonists follow me you can have this idea for free

quick question what's everyone's plan for when he finally does die and everything is exactly the same?

I feel like the more important thing to note is that Air Force One is leaving a trail of gay??

More like Air FARCE One, amirite?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? 🤪

is it true that donald trump tried to flush while his ass formed a perfect seal on the rim of the luxury air force one toilet ("toilet seats are for women", as trump has famously declared), sucking all his intestines out through his anus, killing him instantly? I'm just trying to confirm

everybody calm down, air force one had to turn around because president trump accidentally flushed his tie down the toilet and his face is pinned to the seat. he's panicked and squealing. karoline leavitt tried to help but she transforms into a bat after 10pm and can't lift him with her tiny wings.

BREAKING: White House sources report that Air Force One turned around because, quote: "The President got stuck in the airplane toilet. He's like all the way in there. We're trying to pull him out but he keeps pissing and shitting all over himself. It's a total mess."

Janie's got a gun? Eyes on your own paper, friend. It does not matter if Janie or anyone else gets a gun "before" you do. Everyone's journey is different. You will get a gun in your own time ❤️

silver lining: he has been soooo snuggly ever since this happened 🥹

need to make dinner but he snug 🥹

I just heard a commercial where someone said "no cap" followed by another one where someone said "main character energy" and I just 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 feel like we're overdue to be wiped out by a meteor.

Month four of treating my @linkedin.com the same way I treat all my social media 🙂

In retrospect, this was Bari Weiss erasure; mea culpa 🙏

A number of MLK Days ago I listened to the original audio of a bunch of his speeches, and I really recommend it. There's just no modern-day equivalent. I did it via Spotify at the time, but if you're boycotting, I found this page: www.learnoutloud.com/content/blog...

Realllllly not loving how many times a week I involuntarily catch myself thinking "at least Hitler was smart."

My building's fire alarm goes off repeatedly every couple of months (I am not exaggerating; it went off in August, in October, and tonight 🙂), and it obviously FREAKS THE FUCK out of poor Pierro 😥 It is still going off sporadically after like an hour. Here is Pierro looking very upset in the garage.

Just heard a radio ad that claimed "There's never a bad time to share Lay's Classic Potato Chips." Oh, really? How about at a memorial service commemorating the anniversary of 9/11? You wouldn't consider that "a bad time?" And that's just off the top of my head; there are hundreds of other examples.

Share a television show that raised you

If Google Gemini does not stop offering to summarize my emails, I am going to become the Terminator.

Sorry, I can't post any pictures from 2016; I sprang fully grown from my father's head four years ago.

why would i "go live" i barely want to be 𝙖live! 🤣 folks,

No new pictures: Where are you at mentally?

and NOW it is 73° at 6pm which is warmer than it usually is at night in the summer?? lol this seems bad??

Now THIS is how you get my attention in my Gmail inbox!! 👏 ✅️ Subject line namechecks our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ ✅️ State that you have a vast sum of money 𝗶𝗻 𝗨𝗦𝗗 (v important) ✅️ Casually mention that you are an orphan

Pierro has released a short horror film; pls watch at your own risk 😈

Rare case of the sequel being just as good as the original.

now it is 82° in los angeles on january 15th three months may have been generous tbh

Important:

*I'm getting eliminated on the fifth episode of The Great Pottery Throw Down* Keith: It's not that you're untalented; it's more that every single piece you've created has been modeled after one of the structures in Roku City.

@begillz.bsky.social once again nailing it 🏆

A Kidz Bop version of "Jessie's Girl" called "Jessie's Dog" about a kid whose friend Jessie just got a service dog that he's not allowed to pet. Chorus is "Why can't I pet a pupper like that?"

Pierro and I had so much fun this past weekend at the first Covid-conscious hang of 2026! 😷 Now that he's been a number of times, he's definitely gotten comfortable there! He got so many pets, and doled out many licks in return 🥹 When we got home, he even had zoomies! (video proof below ⬇️)

hmmmmm i see you are trying to get me to pay attention to you and yet you are not a video of a baby skunk trying to spray for the first time. interesting.

When Grace Slick was performing at Woodstock, do you think she had a sudden flash of awareness that one day she would sing a song that, decades later, would appear with slightly altered lyrics in a commercial featuring cartoon bears that love toilet paper because they are obsessed with shitting?

my apartment smelled like salmon so i lit a candle and now it smells like lavender and salmon this is genius don't know why i didn't do this sooner

she plur on my i til i bus is this anything?

I'm sorry, but I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER let it go that Selena Gomez has received a Golden Globe nomination for Best Performance in a Comedy for almost EVERY SEASON of Only Murders but not ONE actress from Girls5eva was EVER NOMINATED.

when u have ur OWN heating pad and fuzzy robe but u like mom's better

just saw a group on instagram define a queer elder as "40 or older" and i would like to queer die now please 🙂

why aren't u guys into my skeet about ruby bridges listening to sabrina carpenter

I know that the arc of history is long or whatever but there's also a pretty good chance that Ruby Bridges has heard the song "Espresso," so.

Sucks that Claude Debussy didn't live in our times. What a missed opportunity to say "He really composed that with his whole Debussy."

Telling my dog "Greenies are for poopers" in the same tone as "coffee is for closers."

We are the dumbest fucking country in the world.

the most unrealistic thing about "scenes from an italian restaurant” is that brenda and eddie had an amicable divorce like lmao no they did not

Want to get angry about something that's *not* an absolutely horrific news story? Here is a genuine opinion that I hold: "Sentimental Lady" is one of the best Fleetwood Mac songs. Happy to be of service ☺️