me welcoming the iran drones to california 🙂

Hey, Covid-conscious followers! I'm part of the group that's putting on this festival next month and I'll also be hosting the open mic on April 17th (see thread below)! We've got some very cool artists and performances lined up, and are locking in even more. Save the date! 😷🎭 #covidconscious #maskup

happy as a clam ☺️

It's actually 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 that everyone is so overwhelmed and burnt out right now that it's next to impossible to get an email or text back from anybody! This is sustainable!

This little solar powered pup is looking forward to Daylight Savings since it means more sun for him to bask in 🌞

Update: BELIEVE IN UR DREAMS!

mom is having salmon burgers. maybe pierro will have salmon burgers?

I honestly think it rules that Rachel Weisz became huge at 29 with The Mummy, did almost exclusively serious/artsy films for two decades, and then as soon as she hit her mid-40s was like "I will now only play characters who are bisexual and, like, IMPOSSIBLY horny." (This is about her new show.)

why don't u guys like this

more like marco rubiNO amirite

oh great now our shitty fucking president is appropriating having unsightly skin rashes which is definitively MY thing

"love wins" damn dude are u sure cause right now love is getting its fucking ass kicked

weird that shia labeouf says gay men scare him since he has the gayest fucking name i have ever heard like bitch your full government name is SHIA SAIDE LABEOUF that's like the name version of an ascot you fucking queen 👑

For the billionth time since December we are having record-breaking heat in Los Angeles because we hath killed the planet (yesterday it got up to 91° in some areas) (it is February), so Pierro has been doing the kind of spread-out lounges that are typically reserved for the summer months.

are u guys posting dogs or what

Just absentmindedly started singing "🎶Garbage woooooorld🎶" to the tune of "Edelweiss."

now more than ever, we must post dogs

omfg it just happened again why does it only ever happen at night I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU BORING YOU ARE A VERY INTERESTING AND DYNAMIC GHOST! 😭

My friend is house sitting at a place with a cute little backyard so Pierro and I came over for some off-leash frolicking! Got some great photos and videos, starting with this one of Pierro taking a firm stand against the very scary pool filter 🧵

many thanks to everybody for getting me to 3k followers unfortunately i was unable to follow through on my promise due to zoning laws in my area

We need to construct a new economy that is wholly based on Cards Against Humanity, Costco hot dogs, and AriZona Iced Tea.

Look, I'm just gonna say it: it SHOULD be "for all intensive purposes."

my printer keeps turning on all by itself do you guys think i have the most boring ghost ever

Everything certainly seems to be going very well in all areas!!

Apologies to the person bent over gardening in your front yard; I did not see you, and I'm sorry you had to hear me quietly sing "Will you look in my pup's butt?" to the tune of the line "Will you look in my son's eyes?" from CSNY's lesser-known song Hawaiian Sunrise on our walkie this afternoon.

Is it late enough at night for me to post that Men At Work is a really underrated band? #MusicSky

First time I've ever seen a personalized license plate that was 100% worth the cost.

@guinesspig.bsky.social did an Art™

more like state of the POO💩nion has anyone done this one yet

the past four or five times i've seen this man there has been ZERO farting and i've honestly been pretty bummed but tonight when he walked by he let out a toot juuuuust before he was out of earshot and i was so psyched i did an involuntary fist pump HE'S BACK BABY!!!

post a picture of the last time you were relaxed

oh did u think i was exaggerating like this is a whole-ass fucking meal from chipotle, the finest purveyors of explosive diarrhea

I finally had to get up so I covered him with my robe 🥺

Pierro and I were snuggling on the couch for a long time and then he got up and went to lie on his heating pad and I was like "That's cool; you need your space 🙂" but then after like two minutes he came back and now he's like this again. Very "I wish I knew how to quit you" coded tbh.

ok i have done a 180 on this and would now very much like all of these tiny flies to fuck off and die pls

Pierro and I just watched Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit. Pierro wanted to know if he could ever become a were-ween. I told him he can be anything he wants to ❤️ #parenting

Ending my marriage so I can spend more time looking for Easter Eggs in Roku City 🙏

an ideal shitposter

If you see this, quote post with your sexiest selfie

could everyone stop being insane online pls you're freaking me out

I think you should stop putting other people's heads on the Norman Rockwell guy-standing-up meme.

lamb chop chin rest

it rules so hard that neither piece of info in gmail's suggested reply is accurate i love AI 🙂

I know Pierro is having a really good snuggle when he makes deflating balloon noises 🥺

One of my favorite humbling experiences is when I get a new follow, so I go check out their profile and after a bit of scrolling I magnanimously decide to follow them back, only to realize that they were, in fact, following 𝘮𝘦 back. Deeply humiliating; highly recommend.

The back of this cereal box is making me feel like I'm losing my fucking mind?? None of these are exactly the same?? Are they trying to say that the far left and the far right ones on the bottom row are "exactly the same" because they're mirror images? But that's not what "exactly the same" means?!?

Can't. I'm under the bridge downtown

Can't. I'm a brick house

Pierro has been doing some light secretarial work for me.

Fucking INSANE that there is an actual lake out there called "Titicaca." I wish I could re-experience what it felt like to learn this for the first time as a child.