ummmm...

"I don't know who needs to hear this--" None of us. We have all heard entirely too much. The whole of humanity should be rendered deaf for the next year minimum; also mute.

my own personal mandela effect is that i swear to GOD when i was growing up we called them "oranguTANGS" and now everybody says "oranguTANS" and it makes me feel like i'm fucken crazy

A good name for a bunny would be "Chekhov's Bun."

Why are microwaves still so expensive? It's 2026; a microwave should cost fifteen bucks.

Somebody finally came up with the perfect analogy. You cannot argue against this thread in good faith*. *cue people arguing against this thread in bad faith but claiming it's good faith

Recent events have really fucked up my favorite turn of phrase for when I get caught doing something wrong, which used to be "jeez, it's not like I BOMBED VENEZUELA 🙄"

there was a period of years where we just made gwyneth paltrow be british in every movie. she didn't want to do that; we made her.

You guys are dummies for using up all of your bits on this whole Venezuela thing. I'm saving my bombing jokes for the 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 place we bomb 😎

Happy 2026! 🥳 The reason why you and/or everyone you know is "sick all the time now" is because Covid has caused long-term damage to most people's immune systems, making them much more susceptible to opportunistic infections. The 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 way to counterbalance this is by masking with N95s/KN95s. (1/2)

It was a bountiful #Flansmas2025 which saw me live-post a whopping 10.5 made-for-TV Christmas movies (.5 because one was a spontaneous mini #Flansmas) 🙏 The movies were... #ChristmasCasanova 🎧 bsky.app/profile/laur... #CoupledUpForChristmas 👫 bsky.app/profile/laur... (1/3)

hepe nü yeer

The final #Flansmas of 2025 will be #ChristmasAtTheCatnipCafé, a premise SO COMPELLING that @elizaskinner.bsky.social signed up for the Hallmark Channel JUST to watch it. I am not quite as dedicated, so I've opted for the 7-day free trial. Time for some New Year's Eve PUSSY! 😻 (I'm sorry.) (Truly.)

pierro offers up a sacrificial lamb chop to the guardians of 2026 🙏

A character in this Hallmark movie just said "If I had a dime" instead of "If I had a nickel," and...we are not doing that. We are not doing inflation on figures of speech.

Okay, ladies: this is OUR year! 🥳 In 2026, we are.. - wearing more press on nails! - burning our intentions! - having dip without fear! - eating our accomplishments! - peeling off our skin! - NOT swallowing grapes! - getting a GOOD Terminator! - SITTING!👏ON!👏REMOTES!👏

Oh, hey! Are you wondering if you should set off personal fireworks in a residential neighborhood where animals, veterans, and people with PTSD undoubtedly live? Take this simple quiz! Are you a HUGE PIECE OF SHIT? 🔘 Yes! 🔘 No! If you checked "No!", then you SHOULDN'T set off any fireworks!! 😃

Can't believe the final shot of Stranger Things was Millie Bobby Brown breaking the fourth wall to say "Guess now it's time for some...𝘯𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘳 things 😎" and then doing finger guns into the camera (can't believe how cool it was, I mean).

Time for the annual repost:

i actually think it's great that every single tiny fly in southern california is currently using my apartment as an airbnb i hope they give me a good rating ☺️

the thing you need to understand about me is that if i stop watching hallmark christmas movies before january 1st i will immediately die

this isn't funny i have an uncle who died like this

Tonight for #Flansmas (which runs through New Year's Day), I will be watching #AChristmasPrincess on Peacock. I have selected it mainly because of its thumbnail, which looks like a hostage situation where they are somehow both the hostage.

when someone who i follow on instagram bc they have a cute dog posts something that *isn't* their dog it's like...damn dude this is not a dog where is ur dog

I meant to just WATCH this movie tonight like a normal person but it was so goddamned stupid that I ended up doing a mini #Flansmas 😑

I am watching* a movie called Christmas on the Alpaca Farm and less than 50 seconds in a woman delivered the line "Great sweater! Is that alpaca?" All movies should be like this. *(Not #Flansmas-ing, because I take alpacas very seriously 🦙)

Okay, fine, I'll say it: all those songs about Santa with super-descriptive lyrics about how round and fat he is? It's giving chaser.

it better not be 💋

Who pissed in my Cheerios? Are you fucking kidding me? It was obviously The Cheerios Pisser, the man who's been eluding the authorities and terrorizing our small town for weeks. Why would you even ask me something so insensitive?

Who pissed in my Cheerios? Are you fucking kidding me? It was obviously The Cheerios Pisser, the man who's been eluding the authorities and terrorizing our small town for weeks. Why would you even ask me something so insensitive?

if a christmas movie doesn't have a dog in it it's like...what the fuck? what the fuck man?

A big ol' YIKES to the number of people posting deeply sincere/angry replies to this! People's mental health is quite bad, actually! Stay frosty out there! ⛄️

Dubai chocolate? Yeah, I do buy chocolate.

tfw u r cozy

What's everyone's favourite avatar quote? When all of the students stand on their desks and say "O Avatar! My Avatar!"

Make a Bond movie casual From Russia with Friends With Benefits

I thought Wake Up Dead Man was great and that Josh O'Connor is an A++ actor! But more importantly: please tell me that someone else out there *also* thought that the Black Republican looked like Zachary Levi, because I cannot unsee it and it is haunting me.

🎶 Simply haaaaaving a snuggly Christmastime 🎶

Merry Christmas! 🎄

Well, just went to take a shower but there's no hot water: it's gonna be a STINKY CHRISTMAS!!! 👃🎄 #stinkychristmas

Santa's sleigh was shot down over the Sea of Japan. It spun in. There were no survivors.

And Tiny Tim, who did NOT die, has lingered in the chambers of the sea, by sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown, till human voices wake us, and we drown.

Computer, enhance

Now with Josh Groban 🙏

Can't believe it took me until now to photoshop Pierro into the Nativity 🙏

One of the first thoughts I had upon waking up this morning was "I hope there are no mass shootings today." America!!!

Tonight's Christmas Eve-eve #Flansmas movie will be #AChristmasVillage on Peacock, which features A MUTHAFUCKING CHRISTMAS VILLAGE! 🎄 I have chosen it because it has a dog in the thumbnail for Pierro, and a 4.8 on IMDb for me.

A real thing that just happened is I'm making dinner and The Little Drummer Boy is playing and when it got to the line "The ox and lamb kept time" I unironically muttered under my breath "I don't think they really did that... 😒"

in 2026 i resolve to give up sooner