Every day is leg day when you're a centipede.

three seasons in and Ted still hasn’t used a lasso wtf

Cats are not mentioned in the Bible because they wrote it.

anyone wanna get hogged up and porked down

i was a regifted child

My jowls are especially radiant this morning.

Imagine hating me and I’m over here covered in glue and rhinestones

internal monologue but it’s just constant screaming

The Muppet Eyes Wide Shut party was not quite what Elmo's cousin Jeff thought it would be and he's having second thoughts.

na-mole-ste

"Nobody is really who they say they are online" I can assure you that I really am like this

Give it to me, baby [me when I take candy from a baby]

i will find you in every life (threatening)

You should hear the stuff I DON'T tell you people. 😋

Woke up sanity adjacent again.

I’m bringing sexy back but it’s just my fupa

My brain’s joyriding this body like it stole it from a science experiment.

@gregthemiller.bsky.social cute as a kitten

OMG stands for Oh My Greg everyone knows this

Give it to me, baby [me when I take candy from a baby]

Tell me things ngl.link/ficklenuts

the gang’s all here

practicing self love by having only my stuff on my TL

posting a greg.

many are saying this

“Cry ‘Havoc!’ and let slip the Jessicas and Jennifers of war.”

live, laugh, i sucked your dad off again

I don’t mind skorts but I prefer blousers.

Don't harsh people's mellows, just marsh people's mallows.

Welcome back phrenology bsky.app/profile/econ...

on facebook everyone is fighting a battle they won’t fucking shut up about

There is nothing wrong with not eating meat. There is something wrong with popping into literally everyone’s replies and telling everyone to stop eating meat as a solution to all world problems. It’s like how Christians ask you if you’ve met their friend Jesus.

My online girlfriend and I have been sexting so much she got pregnant, and honestly, I couldn’t be happier.

If I ever offer you ham and eggs for breakfast, just know that what you’ll actually be getting is a handful of uncooked oatmeal and a glass of hot water.

Maybe I should start something like Jessicas Against Fascism 🤔😂

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the first 24-48hrs are critical for finding Waldo

greg. so hot rn. greg

Thinking of starting a legion of Jessicas since there's so many of us. We'd be especially powerful if we join forces with the Jennifers

ACAB includes the sample lady at Costco telling me I've taken enough spinach sausage rolls

I burped and it popped my neck That’s probably fine

Reverse cowgirl so I can subtly remove the “kick me” sign someone taped to your back

When your bestie belongs in a museum.

Art teacher: I think you've misunderstood. It's the models who will be nude. Me: Well this is awkward.

it’s called the imperial march because they’re not meter soldiers

I once accidentally introduced two Gregs to each other

an app for cats to take selfies

My favorite thing about some people is knowing that they’re going to die eventually.

I just ate an apple to keep doctors off me, now what do I need to eat to dodge the cops?