awesome

i can't believe it's already been a month since joe biden passed away

the lion is very concerned with how things seem to be going

but your honor my client was the birthday girl

[dying of a totally preventable disease]... tell my sister i lover her... [cough]... and ... make an ai of me where i have an absolutely huge dumper... m-make that thing hu[cough violently for 30 full seconds]

they leaked an ai video of me as the bottom half of a horse

i'd like to see an ai do THIS [loses hope in an unfathomably new way]

bet he won't even get to Level 2 by the 6th week

is bluesky good yet

woke up in the middle of the night to draw a reverse cowgirl

when you're being nice to me this is who you're being nice to

[replying to my sister's text] ...and is there a mister carriage?

wow i can't believe ghislaine maxwell committed suicide next week

does anyone know anything

it was a complicated 17 hour surgery but they finally managed to separate the art from the artist

hey sorry i'm late for work it's just that i hate my job

2025 predictions: - Biden dies (old age) - Trump dies (7th assassination attempt) - Anti-aging billionaire dies (chokes on a carrot) - Taylor Swift dies (private jet is a boeing) - Drake dies (testicular cancer) - Musk dies (tesla explodes)

i actually read the Odyssey in the original greek. complete waste of time, i have no idea what those symbols mean

thanks to inflation, Subway is now measuring the footlong from the taint

phone, wallet, keys, manifesto

Category is: Snatch the Fed

ron paul's drab show

just invented a thing called a mentaur, it's like a centaur but it's half man half man

[convincing a zoomer to wear a condom] babe you gotta spotify wrap it

a girl gang called the bloods, slogan is "girls who cycle together stay together"

[dating president biden] would you still pardon me if i was a worm

what if that coldplay song was about piss

for whom the doom scrolls

(me unhooking my own bra) thank fucking god

I've literally never double chin cackled so fucking hard

in Louisiana they do the 'cousins thanksgiving walk' doggy style

that gap in my resume? that's just the gender gap

it’s interesting that they’re trying to ban trans people from the military. from what i’ve heard they’re super soldiers who are too good at sports and athleticism

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actually in Canada, we call a 'sugar daddy' a 'maple father'

i wish i could joke about boobs without attracting psychos, but these are the sacrifices i make for art

one of the saddest things about being single is there's nobody to appreciate my boobs. one of god's greatest creations, languishing in obscurity. like a waterfall that was never discovered, a type of crystal nobody ever sees. like what is even the point

Lindsey Graham would be a beautiful name for a baby girl

it's so cool how chatGPT was trained on the entire internet. like finally we have a souped up chatbot trained on porn and reddit

searching pornhub for "30-50 feral hogs"

pre-nut confusion

i'm "quiet dating" (on a date with a guy who hasn't asked me a single question)

message to my haters: do u want to go out with me message to my lovers: eww don't call me

killed two birds with one gun (17 bullets)

(Thinking about how to slowly break in my new followers to the fact that I’m a communist) do you guys like sharing

my oils? non-essential my olive oil? ran through my gas? unnatural

overheard the squirrels planning a revolt over no nut november

millennials are "quiet dating" (matching on apps then never talking)

on a date with a guy who's been fired from 3 separate bowling alleys