Omg why am I so sad rn I’m going to an actual sex party tomorrow night

That they bless us all with their beauty, we’re truly not worthy 🥰

people want the illusion until they realize the real is better

why are you as a man not bringing me an Italian sub and onion rings right now

Writing a strongly worded letter to the imbecile who said it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all

YESSSSSSS My DMs are open if you need to spill to a test audience I love tea

I love eavesdropping at the door while my kids talk after I’ve put them to bed to hear the kinds of conversations they have when they think I’m not listening 😂😭🥰 Tonight’s topic: Venus flytraps

Divorcing from some of my dollars for a tasty drink of alcohol

Okay I’m drinking wine talk to me but don’t be gross

realizing that what im mostly grieving is the version of myself that my ex helped me see and it feels like all those lovely things i was able to believe about myself aren’t and were never true

Shit I just realized people you’ve blocked can still stalk you from alts OH WELL

We’ve graduated from sad breakup songs to mad breakup songs

kill me? 🥺 kill me, queen? 🥺 kill me, diva? 🥺🥺

my ears are doing a weird thing hope this means im dying

What should I do when I hit 4k followers how shall I mark this occasion

taking a nap, someone wake me up in one hundred years with true love’s kiss

girls want one thing, and it's to be this weird little dude absolutely lost in the sauce

Sometimes all you want in life is an iceberg salad with creamy Italian dressing in a parquet bowl

nicknaming ur penis "invalid handle"

women who hate men generally just hate what men have done to them whereas men who hate women mostly just hate what women won’t do for them the difference is crucial

autocorrect tried to change "horror" to "hottie" and tbh I'm both

somehow have survived 3.5 days of no contact. feels impossible but also realizing that it barely feels harder than it had before we stopped talking. nebulous romantic attachments with avoidant types who provide intermittent reinforcement wreak fucking havoc on your nervous system

My interest rate is down

Another day, another panic attack on the way to work

Sunsets will stay after 7:15 PM from now through September.

Spring cleaning my soul Because life is messy

never trust a big rack and a scowl

Love having to post something three times because it doesn’t take only to find out it actually did get posted best website ever #vibecoding

Was chasing my kid while he road his scooter and the buckle from my motorcycle jacket swung up hard and bruised my wrist bone #stillpunkrock

"forbidden" "not able to connect" "not enough resources" bluesky are you my most recent ex

Wrote 7 emails today. More work than I've gotten done in two weeks. yay me.🫠

Jesus shuffle is really digging the knife in by playing fucking Melissa Ferrick rn, even Siri knows I’m filled with tragic queer yearning

so much easier to end a relationship where you both hate each other than it is to end one where the love is still there as much as it ever was

like truly why is this a thing that would occur to you to reply with on anyone's post, ever

i'm so glad i'm a smaller account and most of my posts stay within my little bubble, people will just flood your mentions with the dumbest shit won't they

such a tease, telling me something is "forbidden," now I just want it even more

i see the bluesky developers decided to go super literal with the "bluesky is dying" discourse

If life wants to grind me any harder, it’s going to need to subscribe to my OF

God I hate it when a post breaks containment. Got the mansplainers, the unnecessary correcters, the resisters, and the weirdo reply guys. I’m too tired for this shit

Yes I'm still watching, Netflix, and it's not like you don't have things to be ashamed of.

I hope you have lots of free time cause all this sunshine means more freckles to be kissed

“well actually” this, fuckface

Mood

humbling myself by posting the shittiest selfie I could possibly take

Smoking cigarettes at a rate that’s likely to kill me within days 🤞🏻

Let's make this slaughterhouse, a slaughterHOME.

anyone wanna thelma and louise this bitch with me

They’re only real grippy socks if they come from the psych ward otherwise it’s just sparkling stolen valor

getting a tattoo on my pubic area that says “no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here“ just to make it clear to people what they’re getting into