what a way to find out I'm actually a moose

business idea: a store that sells snacks and drinks, but everyone who works there is a cinephile who can help you choose what movie to watch when you get home. may or may not also serve alcohol. someone give me money to launch this.

supermodel of the world

there is a special place in hell for the kind of person who recognizes a song someone is playing at a gig, and starts singing the chorus at the wrong time to prove they know it

for the love of god, someone let me join their d&d game for a brief stint

Sonya Blade from the 1995 Mortal Kombat movie has made the worst JOI video ever

gen z girls trying to bully millennial women: please understand you don't stand a chance of bullying us harder than the magazine covers did in our formative years

all these sleazy looking mustachioed baseball players are making me want to watch sport.

having to purchase beige t-shirt bras is a form of oppression

how to determine if your favorite celebrity is secretly maga: are they vocally outspoken against the Trump administration? yes = not maga no = probably maga

Beastie boys should have fought for my right to nap.

making bacon wrapped dates and bacon wrapped jalapenos to impress the other moms at the mom party tonight

costume timeeeee

I'm not joking

summer is coming to ontario, you can tell by the unhinged new drinks the liquor store is offering (eg. a 4L box of sour key-flavoured vodka-water that I may or may not have purchased)

explaining to yet another under-25 new hire that their mom, in fact, does not work here, and they're actually required to clean up after themselves

gen z can pry my winged eyeliner from my cold dead hands

I'm not an expert or anything, but I am a reliable resource

I have to interview people today for a job, and I don't want to. what if I just hired one of you instead? I will judge your posting in lieu of a resume.

eating halloumi and chick peas for breakfast, and I have no regrets about it.

nothing will make you feel more insane than trying to assemble a piece of furniture with the shitty little screwdriver they give you on the end of the Allen key

why not get weird on a Saturday night for no reason

embracing my inner sloth today

in the new regime, buzzkills will be shot on sight.

trying to blend in with the cool kids at the brewery party tonight

girls want one thing, and it's to be this weird little dude absolutely lost in the sauce

You can't fool me

what's your weirdest emotional support item you carry around? mine are my emotional support mentos.

smashing your face bones with a hammer is gender affirming care, in case you're wondering what fresh hell this is

62 million men can suck my fat dick

I am drunk, ama (but I won't see the question and therefore probably don't answer)

the Rocky Horror Picture Show! I remember my parents (and me!) watching it every Halloween from the time I was probably 6? They always made me cover my eyes during the part where Eddie's dead body is shown, but never anything else lol

just me and my girlfriends, holding hands, skipping down the street, clothes-lining any man that doesn't get out of our way

rainy enough to make me dress like an East coast fisherman

@realfollowers.bsky.social I hope the answer is like, 6 real followers

Sisyphus, but it's me trying to curl my hair when it's raining

Sir Mix-A-Lot must be so disappointed in the super-skinny-body trend plaguing Hollywood

w o n t o n s o u p

good thing it was off hours in the quiet zone

daytime disco = disco goth

turns out the game of thrones was Yahtzee all along

is it time for Ska to return and save us from this hellscape?

the Russian segment of the ISS seems lit. I want to party there.

singing cars by Gary Numan at karaoke so you can subject everyone to 2 minutes of interpretive dancing at the end of the song

I wonder if the Vatican has some secret sleeper priest-assassins who have been waiting for this moment

time for kettlebells

remembering that time I went to the bowling alley and put like, $25 into the jukebox and had it play Paradise by the dashboard light by meatloaf on repeat

PLEASE PUT ME ON THE MEDIEVAL STRETCHING RACK THINGY (but just like, a little bit)