You can try, you should try

Also everything is fabulous

I have 1600 conspiracy theories in my head every single day, I am doing quite well, thank you

I spend an enormous amount of time on here muttering "what the fuck does that even mean?"

Life is a lot like when you finish an 8 minute synth freestyle and are shook over how brilliant it was and then you hear the “I was so mesmerized by your playing, I forgot to hit record”

The algorithm and I have reached a healthy compromise where neither of us understands what the other is trying to do

This man discovered the tool specific for cutting pineapples and I hope you all experience such levels of joy and satisfaction

i promise i keep trying to write jokes it’s just i’ve been happy for four days in a row

I mean, don't poke the bear generally, but what if it's a sexy bear

When we said READ THE ROOM we didn't mean "Read it to find the worst idea that would make sure no one rational would support you and then DO THAT THING" you chucklefucks, you complete and utter trash popsicles, you absolute macaroni and dickcheese motherfuckers.

I wrote about the Reflecting Pool

clavicular going to paris and getting treated like a nobody while being rejected by basically every woman he approaches is such an incredible indicator of how fucked US culture is

Now 2FA wants a 3rd FA. 3AF will want a fourth. FA eventually consumes all human and machine effort globally.

Update on my personal drama: I was united with my missing pizza, thank you for your concern

Life is short, use more tongue

I am upset because I am supposed to be having sex instead of doing whatever the hell this is

My pizza is lost in pizza purgatory and I cannot go inside until I find my pizza

Stress eating Reese’s cups on the street corner as the Lord intended

I refuse to believe that anyone’s customer support issue has truly ever been solved with an AI chatbot

Someone just sent me an AI video of Whitney Houston and Clive Davis meeting in some Liberace-looking version of heaven and...I need to hire a bounty hunter.

Let’s go play some tunes

what am i going to feed this giraffe

Consulting giant Accenture is trying to figure out how to stop non-technical workers from blowing through companies’ AI token budget on trivial tasks like converting PDFs to presentation slides, according to leaked audio obtained by 404 Media. Welcome to the Tokenpocalypse.

Listen, man, you didn’t weird me out you weirded me in. Tell me more obscure facts immediately.

There’s a house for sale near me right now and this is the only exterior photo in the listing. Y’all this house does not exist. I invite you to examine the porch railing.

“Onward and awkward!” “Isn’t it onward and upward?” “Have you met us?” “…Onward and awkward!”

Big fan of the sky

The vibrato no longer eludes me

Sometimes the best way to get better at doing something hard is to stop doing it and then come back to it later with a fuck it, let’s give it a try. And that’s when you nail it.

Maybe I do some things for the cringe

I have reached a point where I long for the process. I no longer care for the outcomes that await at the blips and checkpoints along the way. I merely practice, and that is all

Are we still bouncing on it or what is it now

just sold all my spacex shares after the drop. will buy it again when it goes up

I'm so sorry but because my life has been a nightmare since September of last year, I sure could use some help if you have anything at all you could spare. Thank you I feel like shit but I love you Vemmo:Scoob84 C/A: Scoobert22

When someone is knocking on your door trying to sell you something a fun game is to knock back but not answer.

Those moments of zen fizzled.

every few weeks you should post or rt something fairly disgusting to scare off timid followers & keep the herd strong

if one asks for advice and gets given advice then chooses to ignore the advice they were given the adviser is then entitled to ignore the advisee when they complain about the outcome of ignoring said advice i do not make the rules and will not be taking questions this interview is over

98% done with the thing so let me find every reason why it sucks and not finish it

Looking for a job where my only responsibility is being vaguely enchanting

Update 1: You made it to the final round! Update 2: You did not make it to the final round! Update 3: You made it to the final round! Alrighty then…

My favorite yoga position is Forwardly Hunched Social Meeting Scroller.

Bluesky giveth.

THERE ARE ADS WHEN WE PAUSE SHOWS NOW SOMEONE BRING ME A VCR

texting all my ex-boyfriends "happy father's day ❤️" with a photo of a random child

It is time once again to discuss the Most Dad Things we have done in the past year. A couple of reminders: - gender is a social construct, anyone can do Dad Things - you need not be a parent to do a Dad Thing - the definition of a Dad Thing is entirely subjective and maybe made up I’ll go first:

Decided to never like a post again so that people can't judge me for liking certain posts

They're only intrusive thoughts for the first 7 years, after which they obtain squatters' rights.

Strong, confident cis men wearing dresses, rocking a purse, and being adored by their woman. That’s my world peace recipe.