you can yell spoiler alert and point at a wall to distract everyone while you eat the last piece of cheese no one can stop you

This is Honey. She's a half-blind senior who survived a bear attack while protecting her family and farm. “She protected our chickens and our family," said her mom. "She’s our little savior." Honey has been treated for her injuries and is on the mend. We're awarding her our highest honor, a 15/10

Due to the increased cost of eating out, ‘69’ shall now be known as ‘96’

Fun prank: be a good person and smile a lot

Getting anally probed tomorrow and I don’t even get dinner out of it. Worst April Fools ever.

People who expect me to remember things need to forget about thinking that.

Horrifying if real: pants

I just ate but I’m hungry again. -a memoir

I'm a fool every day. Amateurs.

It displeases me greatly when streaming music skips like my old portable CD player

today at work, colleague and I were waving at a local Doglet through the window so the human brought Doglet inside to say hi to us before carrying on their journey lol.

I never know what is happening on this site and that is my promise to you when you elect me as your mayor

hoping this chai tea will improve my tai chi

People don’t call each other Jive Talking Motherfuckers nearly enough nowadays

Gas has gotten so expensive that my mailman is now working from home. We all have to go pick up our mail at his house.

In French, “duck face” is called cul de poule, which literally means “chicken ass.” and I think it's romantic.

More tree hugging. Less clusterfucking.

I used to win creative writing awards and now I post to bsky.

Bring back the use of flabbergasted

I remember the good old days of social media, format jokes and tits, folks, format jokes and tits.

get real, nobody is calling you a space cowboy let alone a gangster of love

Feels like we need to reframe the question asked since the start of Trump 2.0 from where is the resistance to where is the support? This is Philadelphia, the cradle of US liberty. Similar large-scale #nokings protest across the country.

This box of Italian cookies will fix me

Frogs be gettin serious about their protest dancing. They deserve an award n let’s make Taco jealous! 🏆 #nokings #frogs

can I get 4k more followers so i have more than the CEO of Bluesky, I’m not asking for a lot, I just want my dunks to hit harder

Going to an online portal sounds so much cooler than it actually is

give me the meep, boys, and free my soul

sorry not tonight, I’m busy tying balloons to my house hoping I’ll float away

A termite just landed on me. Do I look like I've got wood? Wait

Be yourself nobody else is going to like you. <inspirational>

*waking up like a shiny happy person*

i miss when bad choices were stupid instead of curated

It’s 69 degrees out at 9 pm. A: That’s way to hot for this late on March 26th and 2: Nice

Nuance is a lost art

i hate it when i’m just doing my thang and somebody perceives me like woah buddy mind your own beeswax

No joke, there's a sale at my grocery store right now and most of the produce is 69 cents per pound 😏

Operation Final Blow

I boomboxed “In Your Eyes” in my trench coat outside your bedroom window. Please respond.

See something say something is not for boobs…I know this now. *puts ice pack on shiner.

I’ve got a 30% off coupon at Kohl’s Might go buy that second pair of underwear I’ve been dreaming about

frankly, i think it’s beautiful that we’re all on here together as we descend deeper into madness

A thing about me is even if I'm having a great time I can't wait to go home

If I ever had a DNA editing robot I’d probably name it Gene Hackman as a little joke.

Ending all work emails from now on, "Have the day you deserve".

@deviwestside.bsky.social Happy Birthday!

I guess my favorite part of watching anything on streaming services is getting to enjoy the same 2 commercials around 20-30 thousand times.

A viral dog rescue from 2016 is now immortalized with a statue in Kazakhstan. When a dog fell into the Sayran reservoir, bystanders formed a human chain to pull him to safety. The statue is a reminder of the value of unity, solidarity and collective action. 14/10 for all

I encourage you to reach late middle age by any means necessary if for no other reason than to find out just how primo the naps are. No matter how much you like naps now you will not believe it

Wanna make up without the fighting <slow wink>