Dominic Caruso
@dominiccaruso1.bsky.social
📤 4761
📥 1734
📝 1176
I was a snowball in hell. [he/his]
pinned post!
We should flip a pancake directly into space
about 2 years ago
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Durn if the leaves ain’t falling faster than I can rake them into my neighbor’s garage
about 7 hours ago
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Rick Caruso’s Private Fire Crew
about 13 hours ago
Was this the best use of my time today? No. Is it the most amusing way I could have spent the last 90 minutes? Absolutely. Pattern is free here:
bit.ly/4nGGCGc
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josh (oldfriend99)
about 10 hours ago
You just tucked in the wrong guy
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the hype
2 days ago
Sometimes I'll throw a random object into the air unexpectedly to see if I can trick gravity just this once. It never works
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orcus
1 day ago
sorry if I smell like trash I’ve been rooting around in the trash for valuable trash
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tara
1 day ago
Bringing out a minuscule meal in the break room to appear larger and more intimidating to my coworkers
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Three or four of us daredevils speeding into the metal globe of death pushing upright vacuums
1 day ago
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JLP
2 days ago
My god… this sandwich… it’s made of pure lunch
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chris.
2 days ago
Sisterhood of the travelling pants. But the pants keep coming back rather than staying with the sisters. I have tried to leave them with the neighbour. Split them in two. Run them over with a lawnmower. Now I've locked the pants in the basement but I don't know how long the barricades will last.
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tara
2 days ago
You remind me of myself before I got trapped in an antique clock
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Meredith Shiner
2 days ago
I love that Zohran did not praise Cuomo in his speech. You absolutely do not have to say nice things about bad people. We should normalize that in “polite” politics: Praising bad people is not actually “civility.”
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Tusk Jenkins
2 days ago
Yawn and stretch adorably out for some attention from passersby, cuddling your own claws up in each hand to show that this is no trick, just a little love request. I get muted a lot too but I'm an opossum
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Michael Jay McClure
3 days ago
Good morning. Was in the middle of a crosswalk when my dad called to ask me how to spell, “gestalt.”
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warm autumn light 🍂🌇🍁🌕
about 2 years ago
every emoji should come with a mirror image emoji option, as well as an upside down emoji option. let me flip these dinosaurs 🦕🦖 so they can face each other and fall in love
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mindflakes
3 days ago
Whenever I get a new follower I use their profile picture to create a tiny 1cm-tall homunculus that I add to my terrarium. They're free to run around in there and they have all the snacks and entertainment they desire. Unfortunately sometimes a spider gets in
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Dominic Caruso
tara
4 days ago
Showing my coworkers how my new cape billows without any wind
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PAM!
3 days ago
Digging up a shrub in the yard I unleash a geyser of gravy. Gravy rains down upon my neighbors as I trot around in a circle yelling YEEEE HAWWW and smacking my own ass with a gravy boat.
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Ygrene
3 days ago
the ghost that haunts my house keeps bragging that he can go inside the microwave while it’s on, like i care
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Dan Cerinthedark
3 days ago
end conversations easily by running away through a field while dramatic violin music swells
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lauren
6 days ago
the forbidden lunch (hard boiled egg eaten over sink)
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Every once in awhile, beneath the fruit in one of those fruit-on-the-bottom yogurts, there should be a secret passageway to a series of forgotten catacombs.
3 days ago
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Dominic Caruso
alexis simpson
4 days ago
kindness is free. for an ad-free kindness experience, upgrade to kindness+ starting at $15.99 a month
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Tusk Jenkins
4 days ago
I know I seem like so autonomous but I'm actually partnered with refraction of light so let me run it by the old prism first. Hey bendy straw sucking the crazy light outta me, more like dispersing my will amirite
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I heard a guy say nobody out-reeces the cup the other day & it really struck me because the guy turned out to be me & I was walking under the moonlight along a deserted stretch of old route 8 carrying a baby opossum in a top hat.
4 days ago
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andy vs
4 days ago
I don't want AI. I want to stop filling out my entire medical history every time I go to the same doctor
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warm autumn light 🍂🌇🍁🌕
over 1 year ago
I've learned 595 German words on duolingo, so now I can say important stuff like "The witch eats schnitzel in the forest" and "Your snail is smart but very ugly."
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Villein 🔒
7 days ago
remembering it's cabbage night and running to the grocery store in a panic
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mindflakes
6 days ago
Coworkers act like they don't want you to fill their car with stick insects, but secretly they do
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mara
6 days ago
everyone lets honk our horns at noon today. everyone that is in a car. and if you live in a different time zone do it in my time zone. i live in the one where noon happens around lunch for some people. i have my lunch at like 4 pm usually though. but lets all honk our horns okay
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mave
5 days ago
The time change doesn’t bother me. I always keep some daylight saved in a jar on my kitchen counter
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Tusk Jenkins
5 days ago
Lower the listening end of a stethoscope into your aquarium and mouth the words softly to the end where the heart goes. "I want you to get a second opinion. Doctor Swim Through Holes is not even an x-ray machine"
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trickykat
5 days ago
I don't see why a fire would need this escape
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Prisonculture
5 days ago
We're seeing in real time that many people are already in hell in that they carry hell with them wherever they go. Those making fun of people on SNAP are already in hell.
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mave
7 days ago
Don’t know why trick-or-treaters are annoyed I’m scooping guacamole into their bags. It’s a premium add-on
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Alicia Kraft
6 days ago
My favorite part of Halloween is going around the table and saying what we're all spooky for
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wargen
6 days ago
guys i asked ChatGPT and it said it’s safe to walk through the cursed village and it will save us twenty minutes
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mindflakes
7 days ago
Deep-fried teriyaki-style ibuprofen with carbonated gravy
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Villein 🔒
7 days ago
i'm two or three showers away from being clean forever
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Seated at the poker table & suddenly I am not holding cards but 5 perfectly formed, freshly cooked pancakes.
7 days ago
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Dominic Caruso
mave
8 days ago
Mmm, that’s delicious. Does it have lecithin as an emulsifier?
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mindflakes
8 days ago
My cat has somehow learned how to astral project. She mostly just visits me at work and screams until I come home to make her another breakfast
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Benny Feldman 🪸🫧🐠
about 2 months ago
I saw the greatest minds of my generation in a big vat labeled ‘mind vat’
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Dominic Caruso
little lamb
8 days ago
Are you guys in the mood to laugh today? I could go either way, was also thinking about banging my little tin cup against the bars for a while
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Mary
8 days ago
I wish when it gets crazy crowded and backed up at check out, they’d get on the intercom and ask, “Do we have any former cashiers in the store?” Because I would fully take a crack at it.
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tara
8 days ago
Everyone says I showed a lot of promise as a kid. Too much promise actually. Put away your promise they’d say, we’re sick of seeing it now it disgusts us
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Dominic Caruso
warm autumn light 🍂🌇🍁🌕
9 days ago
help me tape the leaves back on these trees
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Dominic Caruso
warm autumn light 🍂🌇🍁🌕
8 days ago
the less time you spend online, the more time you spend offline
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derek guy
8 days ago
If you live in a major city, you may have noticed more people wearing bandanas around their neck, as the accessory has made a small comeback. Typically made from cotton, the bandana — distinct from the ascot — has a long history in working class aesthetics, as it serves a practical function.
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