Girls be like 'I really needed this' and it’s just a coffee and a dark rainy morning

If you let a balloon go but leave the wish behind because it's too heavy, just don't have wished for more balloons. I painted this for a waiting room and it finally left

Ever just want to *mumbling*

showing my age by having someone saw me in half to reveal the number of rings in my body

some people call you the hamburglar of love

*winks at you annoyingly*

The nooks and crannies of an English muffin are like the chambers of your heart: great place to keep pools of butter.

Oh no, that's not a mustard stain, that's my trauma, I wear it on my sleeve.

It’s crazy how much you people miss when you’re not paying attention to me.

Why can't I have the kind of anxiety that makes me clean my house instead of the kind that makes me scared of going out with my friends

A good thing about being stupid is always feeling surprised when you're watching tv shows

Plz leave funny/ridiculous autocorrects alone to brighten/utterly confuse peoples days. It makes them wonder. It’s thrilling

At least my VHS collection understands me. Like babe do you wanna watch Goodfellas or the 1973 animated Charlottes Web?

I’m just happy capris weather is back

Wonder if the meek are secretly like this rn. Like ahhh yessss go ahead, fight it out you crazy sonsofbitches. Pretty soon this will all be ours to inherit

Here’s some wholesome bunnies bro🐰🐰🐰🐰🐣🐣🐣🐣

R u comin to dye Easter eggs yes or no I don’t have time for your shit

horny of heart

I never spent my whole life saying "when I get real" or "when I have reality" but I'm dreaming of saying "realistic living," even if I have to cut that bitch like a check

I find myself curious & wondering about the way you’d pronounce Sfogliatelle

binge watched all my depressive episodes

all day long I've been singing, "i was gonna be an astronaut, but then I got high," but that's not even true

I was gonna, but I watched four episodes of Friends instead

everyone SHUT UP for a second, im TRYING to THINK

If I add some flaxseed to my ramen does that make it good for me

Scoffing at the world when it doesn’t revolve around me.

coming out of my cage and honestly I've been better

[in my space suit during launch] who farted

I don’t know that I like the feeling of this. I feel like we are bothering the Moon

*places you in my heart shaped box

Technology is decimating our art

With restless mind I went to give nomadic therapy a soothing wander but I just can't shut up now about my journey journey

Maybe there will be another asteroid?

my mom got an adult bib for me and she's not wrong

I kinda hoped life would be easier for our kids, you know?

I like giving names to my furniture . . . right now I'm chillin' with Oscar the Couch.

All the math you really need to know is when the piano comes in at the beginning of Baba O’Riley

If you don't have access to a golden hour because your credit is out, maybe shakes like a maraca, there's a natural 8 watts of LED in your eyes. I had them appraised at that shady dusk equivalent place

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I? Well, I climbed a tree or two. Because, perspective…

courtesy flushing my way to the top

The older I get the more I am dog. Like I can’t just follow someone w out sniffin their butt first

Idc what ppl say about Aerosmith. Something religious still happens when Sweet Emotion comes on the radio

Saving the okeyst of dokeys for my artyest of chokeys

Remember the ppl dancing down the aisle to Forever On The Dance Floor? Ya it was cheesy, but idk if we saw that we needed it. I’d prob take a hit of that rn in my veins

ppl are like, I knew I shouldn’t have told you & I’m like, WELL YOU DID DEBRA. YOU TOLD ME. I AM IN THE KNOW NOW & I CANT FUCKIN UNKNOW IT NOW EVEN IF I TRIED!

They’ve tried, but the Illuminati doesn’t scare me. I’d fuckin rock em all in Wii boxing. Just KOs

If you play a playlist backwards nothing freaky happens but you do start the day waving a lighter in the air and go to bed pounding on the steering wheel

thinking of skipping coffee today and instead going straight to gin

Whoa, whoa, whoa, you’re one of those people who do things, aren’t you