there's a fly in my chai and I'm hopin' it will die you are on my lonely mind

For capacity reasons I do not hold forgiveness in my heart

how much paint thinner do i need to drink to get skinny?

Please do all the weird illicit activity in the other parking lot. I'm trying to peacefully eat my lunch in this one.

Finders. Keepers.

Ngl I’m a little hurt that no one has accepted my invitation to my Great Lakes ore boat tracking group chat

I’d love to join your group chat but I’m busy doing hot girl shit* *eating a whole rotisserie chicken with my bare hands

If I was a CIA agent I’d strap Tom Cruise in his chair so he couldn’t jump & repeatedly tell him most ppl aren’t actually inherently lazy but have chronic depression that’s never been fixed you’re glib Tom you’re glib until I felt like OK that’s enough now

Hey maybe you could emulsify this mixture for me, since you're so agitating

Trauma is trauma, there are different flavors and temperatures, but it's still trauma. If you're reading this, you've survived it this far. Badass.

I don't smile anymore because that's how the flies get out

how many calories does rigorous analysis burn

I'm in space, cowboy.

Mamas Angels🤍

Yes I have a standup desk in fact I am also on a paddleboard in the middle of a lagoon

I free denial, gingerly removing the cobwebs upon it, a strand at a time, and take it to a place of moderation to dry alongside acceptance. They look the same, clean.

You know how you can stumble for half a block without falling? That's how I run my bank account.

Does the Flex Seal family of products have something to hold my life together?

Everything we’ve ever loved & lost are waiting for us in a Sunset. That’s why they feel magnetic duh

Now that I have time, I will try painting angels

Cheer up. The birds could be singing for you, you really don’t know

the summer of keeping things shallow

When I found out there’s a phrase “I wouldn’t kick her out for eating crackers in bed” I thought, well fuck you, why would you do that anyway 8 crackers is literally my go 2 midnight snack. Everyone’s just very ridiculous these days

If you walk away for long enough, people will have the conversation for you.

The bones always in on it.

I spent seven American dollars on key lime pie in a jar. Absolutely no regrets!

The clouds are amazing

Love these easy summer dinners. Tonight was a bowl of cereal and a banana.

I used to be a young, hot thing, but now I'm just hot* *sweaty

Sweeeeeeeet emullllllllsion

Spontaneous generation is a curious thing. Who would have thought it would be in an aqueous manner. Now I have to worry about labs and questionnaires, but we'll be rolling soon

Farmhouse made of depression glass and manic lumber parked on rolling meadows stopping endless Cow are you mooing? Fine, I guess. Sit at the breakfast stable Get your dose of oats. Plow needs fielding, Chickens need roostered. Worked hard all day? Play harder. Gin needs rummied Fiddle a do-si-do

I was trying to squeeze a lot of life into the last twelve hours but I sat down for a minute and forgot all about it.

Let’s go on an adventure, I tell myself, as I roll my ass out of bed.

Good morning.

Always thought inc. meant in cahoots

Look, if it wasn’t on Pop-Up Video or 3-2-1 Contact, then Gary didn’t know anything about it.

Time to call it a night. Gary wrapped himself in a fruit roll-up and climbed into the snack drawer.

Baby possum eating my cats' food, and they are not pleased. But such a cutie!

Some rays of hope.

me: our dog has a chip in her. sorry, our dog has some chips on her. i spilled chips on our dog. haha, actually, we don’t have a dog. i ate some chips, though. yesterday. no salsa. judge: juror number four, you can go home.

I've had two orange trees for years so I'm finally attempting to make marmalade for the first time because the voices told me t- ... I mean because it sounds like fun.

Reading a book on the plane a tiny spider suddenly appeared crawling up the edge and when I tilted the book to better see, it dropped off, presumably landing on me. I was wearing all black and couldn’t see where it went but somehow managed not to freak out and cause an emergency landing. Barely.

Oh, you don't want any kind of advice from me. One time I got phở at a hospital cafeteria.

The traffic lights are out at a major intersection with double turn lanes and I know we can navigate this if everyone can just be super cool.

The After Airplane Shower (Ahhhhhhhhh)

🦶 PT 🏆 Dog walk 🏆

Yeah, yeah, if good intentions were fishes we'd all cast nets. You know, like wishes. Never mind. As you were.

This mess.