Some posters have a stream of consciousness that’s a whole wavelength and I just wanna get on it.

Accidentally meat tenderizer hammered my finger and split my pointer fingernail in half. Perhaps the RumChata in my morning coffee was too much.

Cracking a beer at ten thirty am it's called maturity you should look in to it

NEWS FROM THE PUMPKIN PATCH! LOVEY CAN LIFT A VERY LARGE PUMPKIN!

Feels like a coliseum of dead information

But for now, Gary decided to ignore the paw prints on the ceiling tiles

Going to the store today to buy one onion and a loaf of bread like I just rode into town in my horse and buggy.

One of my favorite parts of husband being back home: guitar practice!

Back in my day, toast wasn't good enough for avocado.

Telling you about my dream cause you’re supposed to write it down before you forget so you can unravel the mysteries of life

Had a dream that someone left an offering of garden produce on a trail in the woods. Went back to hotel (apparently out of town) to get a reusable grocery bag (sensible even in my sleep) and couldn’t find my way back to the trail. I got lost in a theme park and had to double back. Found my husband.

In 1980, my mom invented the double bow for shoe tying and revolutionized babysitting.

Who moved my avocado toast?!

I hope your dog lives long enough to grow grizzled and cranky and wise. And if not, let them at least teach you how to live in the absolute moment 🐾

Heading to bluff country. The driftless area. Drifting in the driftless, if you will.

You can eat the middle out of my cinnamon roll if you wanna

If your bird watching group only has one pair of binoculars, you might need to wait for your tern.

I made so much fun of my talking car telling me a door is a jar that it stopped talking to me for weeks.

Sex and/or the City

We've profiled you based on your actual profile and it reads disconnectedly as an erotic thriller of the highest intelligence, I might add hilarious. If you ever commit a crime I'll be the first to put red herring in bio, let's alt away together

My Mom’s birthday, today. You guys would have loved her, seriously. She would have looked at you and said oh my god you need a hug, or look at you and be “you look like you’re planning to rob a 7-11. Here’s why you shouldn’t do that. Also, hug.” She was good. One of the helpers.

Somebody's gotta make me a sammich. Might as well be you.

Moritz von Schwind

If I really like you I’ll let you feel the dent in my head

Once upon a time in the Midwest, Gary rolls down his window to let a fly out, and three more fly in

I’m alive I’m alive!

Novel concept: It's not our jobs to keep any social media afloat? Use what you want? Or maybe just live a life? We don't owe anybody anything?

His beard was like a temper tantrum. Her breath was better than her playlist. They made love in the Kohl’s parking lot.

I made it to Friday night [collapses face down fully dressed on bed]

A really good lunch will knock you out and leave you in a crumpled heap in the shade, smiling wistfully while you nap.

Be careful saying negative things about yourself breathing through bamboo from the bottom of a pond. People walking by will tell the pond positive things about it and you'll believe them I love you pond

The thing is, "complaint" is a noun and "compliant" is an adjective. Yes, typing one and meaning the other is funny, but it's not really a proper joke because of grammar and syntax and shit.

If sitting at your kitchen table slightly drunk, watching the sunset, and listening to those old songs that meant something is wrong, then I don't want to be right

[at stoplight] *gets out of car, knocks on driver's window behind me after following me for 3 turns* Me: Are you obsessed with me?

I was a sailor on a merchant vessel carrying claret and port away from the continent but now I just rig clotheslines

She's all dried up but seems happy

I was at a crowded event today and the baby in front of me was named Mary. And the elderly lady next to me was also named Mary and I felt like the three of us should’ve gathered to discuss life as a Mary over some Diet Coke/formula.

Long story short, hey good luck

When I say I don't like a song, there's always an exception built in for the harmonies, because you have to like the harmonies.

When I say that I’m going off the grid, that just means I took my Fitbit off.

I'm gonna have my ancestors healed today. Or my ancestral healed? I think the ancestral is near the appendix. Don't want it to rupture and spread to my other ancestors

Evgeny and Lydia Baranov - Pensive Mood

Transmission.

Well now that I know Dolly Parton is OK I guess I won’t slip into a depressive episode

Blossoms in the canola.

I went to the store looking for something for a project and I saw this bunny toy that could work. And I realized it didn’t have the battery cover, but then I was like if I leave it, no one will buy it. It was like the story of Corduroy. So anyway now I own a bunny with no battery cover.

A peach of a sunset tonight

Okay, I'll sit here with my mouth open and you guys just start chuck'n Drugz in. (pam is back from aqua groove)

Oh great