Thank you, photo memories, for serving up a brief slideshow on the progression of a stye I had three years ago.

Living my best life (eating salt and vinegar chips in the bathtub at 10pm on a Friday)

I sculpted my pile of mashed potatoes into a very realistic representation of your nude body please respond

idk whether to tell you about the neurospicy surgeon I met in the OR last week who kept pointing at the live view of my chest yelling it's a windsock or about my mom's recent adventures with medical marijuana

Forget-Me-Nots in the wishing well feels so poetic. 💙

Not a brain cell was stirring.

The squirrels and the crows were hanging out in my backyard today. Here’s a video with one of each. I don’t know if you can see because I was so far away, but the squirrel is hopping around and digging for something.

I still talk to my dog. (She’s been gone three years.)

I don't get what I want in life all the time, but I feel spoiled when I do. Rooster is making the popcorn while we watch Better Off Dead again.

I'm gonna ask you if your hairy baby is part bobcat and insist it's gotta be part bobcat no matter how you respond

Feeling vaguely sentimental on a Friday, and let me say: I’m grateful as hell for Pyrex

Not now ma, I'm being friendly on the internet

When I was a teenager my best friend at the time used to stick the non striking end of a cardboard match in her ear and move it around, telling us all it was better than sex. We were like go do that in another room then.

no thank you nudists, i prefer my nakedness to be apologetic, awkward, and fumbling about in the dark

In my nightgown at seven pm hashtag winning

Just saw a weasel leaping across the yard I hope it doesn’t eat any of my friends (or their eggs!)

when you're a kid you never realize how many dead people you'll know before you even hit 50. you'll meet someone and get to know them then they'll straight up perish. Probably one of the more surprising things for me honestly

A thousand petty grievances, real, imagined; Family fun time

Instead of hello, I’ve started answering the phone with “how did you get this number?”

Beer run, saw a ladybug on my shirt. Not red - maybe gray or pink (kinda' colorblind here) so say, "dude, don't move, or your life will end stuck in a mini-mart on Normandie!" Sidewalk - got it onto my finger, and took it on a tour of the best flowers I could think of in the neighborhood. 1/4

thinking about making a joke on here one day

one time i had one in my hoo hoo, Horton

One time I found a tick on my dick. Hmu Dr. Seuss

My favorite shopper lives near the liquor store and knows what prompt means

Last night's sunset path

Possible “crown shyness” among red oaks. I’m a fan.

Made a quick little post-it doodle of a jaunty bird to hang out by my desk

Jen Hardwick

Fridays are for Dutch party games. We’re going to need some string, blindfolds, and a wheel of cheese

Even the spookiest seeds can make the prettiest flowers 💀💐💀💐

Yesterday morning at the bagel place I asked for tofu scallion instead of jalapeño cream cheese which tilted me into an alternate universe because everything changed after that moment. No, really, it did. I even parked in a different part of the lot when I went to the store. It’s been wild.

You’re just the cutest. Yes you are. Have a cookie. For real. Go find a cookie and eat it right now.

[at the office] "How are you today?" The world continues to deplete my capacity for joy Also the wireless isn't working

Luka wishes you a happy fried egg

The moon last week

Heavily addicted to going on a little walk.

Look for me by the old mill pond tonight. I’ll be dressed in my prettiest flour sack

The sunset today was inspired by bold flecks of your hubris dousing with a hiss inside the mini puddle of easy come, easy go.

1st block done, 35 to go 😫

Random garden update 💚

I tell my ppl pleasers that they better stop saying yes to everything or I’m gonna get pissed, but the trick’s to never let on that you secretly feel bad 4 giving them another thing to be anxious about

I don’t want to know the Latin name for anything. I want to know what the woman stirring laundry in a big iron pot with a washing stick calls things

Got up early today so I’d have more time to be mad

In retrospect I didn’t need a rehearsal dinner, I had experience eating dinner many times prior to that.

wow, if I take off my glasses and squint, I look the same as I did at thirty when I look in a dirty medicine cabinet mirror

My button jar is missing, call the authorities!

Sometimes I think I should be more responsible but then I remember MC Hammer spent like $30 million on Hammerpants